Tonight I ate dinner with a coworker of mine and her husband. It was a first, but very fun. These are 2 older, highly educated people with ton of life experience.
Christian couldn't attend as he was at a sleepover, but wrote the mister a note apologizing for not being there. The mister then wrote him a raincheck for the hike he was going to take little C on. How cute.
Although altogether it really was a great time, there are 2 main things I left with:
#1 - People who love children and, more importantly your child/children, are people who win their way into your heart
#2 - The mister gave me a quote that I need to remember, "There's no glory in practice, but without practice, there is no glory"
What a great "band' quote, but we were talking about cooking a the time :-).
Great people, great evening.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Sunday, October 07, 2007
It's about acceptance
As I continue this thinking on realtionship trail, I find myself getting frustrated. Shocker. Anything that takes me more than 1 day to figure out, I get a little frustrated with and, lets face it, people have been attempting to figure relationships out for centuries. I don't think we have come much further than where we started. I also don't see it realistic that I come up with any conclsive decisions within 48hrs.
I have come to this one decision before, and I find myself arriving at it again. In order to have any sort of relationship with a person you need to accept who you are and who they are. That sounds so elementary, but it can be harder than it sounds.
Let me take my friend over on the Eastern shore as an example. This person had fought and is fighting personal struggles that I can't even imagine, but I can't be there to help. Even if I were there, I can't help all that much becuase many of these struggles are internal. But I love that person and would do anything for them. They know that I am not made of $$ any can't fly out to be with them but we see each other when we can. They know that I am notorious for reading email and not always responding if I think my response needs to be more than a brief reply that I can write in a minute. They could get mad at me for that,but instead, they understand it and joke about it, and if it's something they really want a reply on they ask again and say so. They accept my faults. And I accept theirs. And they send me a ton of forwarded jokes :-)
One of my friends locally is a control freak and hates to be wrong. There are times I call them on it and there are times I let it go. But I know this trait and I accept that it is a part of them. But I also know that this person is one of the most reflective, insightful, thoughtful and caring people I have ever met. And they think that I am a very passionate, fun, and youthful person. ( I hope that's good) The relationship is worth the work of gettting frustrated on occassion and biting my tongue. It's also nice that it can withstand an arguement when there needs to be one. I make them laugh and they help me tow the line.. and sometimes find it when I seem to have lost it.
As for another friend here, sure they never call or initiate an invite. Why? I don't know and I don't think they'd say. But, while a part of me says that's a little insulting, another part recognizes that maybe that trait is just them and I need to accept that. If I want to spend time with them, I'll ask and that's where it ends. It may be more work from time to time, but at least it is consistent. And I decide whether I want to expend the effort. I sometimes get very helpful information on matters on which I know little and challenged on ideas/values/perspectives I never previously questioned. I have no idea what they get.
My point is I guess we need to make conscious decisions based on "what's there" versus what we'd like to be there. To close with the jeans anaolgy - you need to like how you feel in them. If you are a size 8 and you love your size 6 jeans, you'll accept the fact that they are tight around the waste and may not be the perfect length, but you love the way they feel and the way they flatter your caboose, therefore the trade is worth it. Or, you say, my size 6's are for certain occassions, and you have size 8's and 10's also in your closet. Not all fit perfectly, but each has a reason you like them and you tolerate ( or accept) what you don't. I guess everyone hopes to find the "perfect pair", but sometimes you have to live with what's available and what you can afford.
And, another complicating factor is that bodies change, for better and for worse.
Just because you used to adore those size 6's doesn't mean you will forever. Or perhaps the reasons you contnue to liek them may change. Maybe you'll become bigger and they'll have a death hold on you, or maybe, where they were once tight, you loose weight over time, and now, they are just comfortable.
The thing that matters is, do you still like yourself when your in them?
I think _that_ will be my defining meaning of relationship. The ones you like yourself in, the ones that make you feel good about yourself or about anything, those are the ones you work for. The ones that make you a better person, a smarter person, a more caring person....those are the ones you try to keep for a lifetime.
The ones that consistently tear you down and make you hate the world, those are the ones you give to Goodwill.
I have come to this one decision before, and I find myself arriving at it again. In order to have any sort of relationship with a person you need to accept who you are and who they are. That sounds so elementary, but it can be harder than it sounds.
Let me take my friend over on the Eastern shore as an example. This person had fought and is fighting personal struggles that I can't even imagine, but I can't be there to help. Even if I were there, I can't help all that much becuase many of these struggles are internal. But I love that person and would do anything for them. They know that I am not made of $$ any can't fly out to be with them but we see each other when we can. They know that I am notorious for reading email and not always responding if I think my response needs to be more than a brief reply that I can write in a minute. They could get mad at me for that,but instead, they understand it and joke about it, and if it's something they really want a reply on they ask again and say so. They accept my faults. And I accept theirs. And they send me a ton of forwarded jokes :-)
One of my friends locally is a control freak and hates to be wrong. There are times I call them on it and there are times I let it go. But I know this trait and I accept that it is a part of them. But I also know that this person is one of the most reflective, insightful, thoughtful and caring people I have ever met. And they think that I am a very passionate, fun, and youthful person. ( I hope that's good) The relationship is worth the work of gettting frustrated on occassion and biting my tongue. It's also nice that it can withstand an arguement when there needs to be one. I make them laugh and they help me tow the line.. and sometimes find it when I seem to have lost it.
As for another friend here, sure they never call or initiate an invite. Why? I don't know and I don't think they'd say. But, while a part of me says that's a little insulting, another part recognizes that maybe that trait is just them and I need to accept that. If I want to spend time with them, I'll ask and that's where it ends. It may be more work from time to time, but at least it is consistent. And I decide whether I want to expend the effort. I sometimes get very helpful information on matters on which I know little and challenged on ideas/values/perspectives I never previously questioned. I have no idea what they get.
My point is I guess we need to make conscious decisions based on "what's there" versus what we'd like to be there. To close with the jeans anaolgy - you need to like how you feel in them. If you are a size 8 and you love your size 6 jeans, you'll accept the fact that they are tight around the waste and may not be the perfect length, but you love the way they feel and the way they flatter your caboose, therefore the trade is worth it. Or, you say, my size 6's are for certain occassions, and you have size 8's and 10's also in your closet. Not all fit perfectly, but each has a reason you like them and you tolerate ( or accept) what you don't. I guess everyone hopes to find the "perfect pair", but sometimes you have to live with what's available and what you can afford.
And, another complicating factor is that bodies change, for better and for worse.
Just because you used to adore those size 6's doesn't mean you will forever. Or perhaps the reasons you contnue to liek them may change. Maybe you'll become bigger and they'll have a death hold on you, or maybe, where they were once tight, you loose weight over time, and now, they are just comfortable.
The thing that matters is, do you still like yourself when your in them?
I think _that_ will be my defining meaning of relationship. The ones you like yourself in, the ones that make you feel good about yourself or about anything, those are the ones you work for. The ones that make you a better person, a smarter person, a more caring person....those are the ones you try to keep for a lifetime.
The ones that consistently tear you down and make you hate the world, those are the ones you give to Goodwill.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
What should it look like??
Due to events and discussions yesterday, and today, I was prompted to write the previous entry. No one person created the desire to do so. It was more a cumulative effect.
But after talking about the perfect fit and investment, I now wonder, what is it supposed to look like? What really works and what is a prescribed disaster for failure? Is relationship based more on attitude than it is on compatibility?
This may sound a little strange, but I learn about these things through observation. I see and hear about other's situations and then draw my own conclusions. This may not be the best method as I am drawing conclusions on experiences that aren't my own.
Let me here state that I feel there are many similarities between the friendship and the marriage concept. So, just because I discuss marriage a lot, doesn't mean that is my entire focus. But I do believe that successful marriage and friendship are two inseparable concepts.
I have seen married couples survive the 10-50 year anniversaries. I see things I like and things I don't. I definitely see the evolution of a superior party to a submissive one. It's funny that in most of the longer lasting relationships, many times the more dominate party is the female. All who have been willing to discuss this say it doesn't often start that way.
But what I want to know is, how did it get that way? Are they happy with that? Are they unhappy and don't talk about it?
What do you talk about and what don't you?
Conversely, I've seen the couples married for a period of time but resembling anything but a couple. This is not a model I care to replicate.
Are expectations created per relationship or are they predetermined, like a job application and the person who matches the criteria best wins the gig?
I have expectations, but am now wondering if they are unreasonable, unattainable, or simply impossible. Or perhaps, they are obtainable, but not instantaneously.
Here are a few:
I would want in any relationship for someone to do for me in proportion to how I do for them.... within their ability level.
(Even now, that sounds pretty self centered, but let me see if I can rationalize that statement to make it sound better.) I will do as I am able for my friend and would like to know the same might be relied upon. I don't like attending 10 performances of a friend because they asked that I be there for them not to attend 1 something that I'd either like support or company for. An "all take and no give" relationship is not one that I'm into.
I would like to feel, if not know, that the enjoyment of each other's company is reciprocal.
There are people I like to hang out with and there are people I don't. I just hope that the people I like spending time with my enjoy spending time with me. I think that is a sentiment that can be shared by almost everyone.
I would like for a friend to request to spend time with a friend.
This doesn't have to be directly proportional and it shouldn't, but effort on both ends I think is best. I feel badly as I have 2 friends/acquaintances in which the balance of this is severely skued. One which asks me to do things often to whom I have not returned the favor as often and one who has never initiated a get together, yet will entertain my suggestion.
For the one, I don't wish to be a burden to them as I know that scheduling can be very complicated. It has been brought to my attention that I have upset this friend by not requesting their company and that is upsetting to me as that is not/was never my intent.
As for the other, I feel a total burden. I feel this friend indulges my requests as a favor to me but leaves the impression the time offers no benefit to them. This must be why they never solicit. I cannot reconcile this feeling and on occasion it makes me a little bitter. Is that justified? I haven't decided.
And then there are those who ask me to join them and I perpetually find reason not to as I don't want to. I feel hypocritical saying that and speaking of friend/acquaintance #2. At least he/she shows up.
Mutually beneficial. It think that is a brief summary of what I am trying to get across here... maybe.
This is only a little bit but I am too tired to type anything else right now. And if I hate this post, I can always delete it ;-)
Is it really all about relationships???
"It is all about relationships" That is one of the mantras of our school. Its a motto that I believe strongly in also, or at least I did. 90% of my brain or soul agrees with that although now the 10% is getting rather adimate that that is not the case.
Sometimes, I feel like some relationships are like a size 6 jean when you are a size 8 body. You really like the jeans, but you have to decide if you like them enough to change for them and if you wish to do the work to get them. You also need to consider whether the jeans will relax over time and perhaps be more forgiving of your "not quite size 6" body.
Sometimes, I think that relationships are like a high risk investment. You dump energy, time, concern, and feeling into an account in the hopes of seeing a return on your investment. Perhaps you might see a return and perhaps that return might be of signifigant consequence OR you might never see any kickback and lose the hope, energy, and concern that you have invested.
As I teach 7th-12 graders, I see the impacts of some relationships. I've seen the gifts of caring parents, I've seen the trauma of neglectful parents, I see the great joy and heartache of the adolescent relationship, as well as the power of mentoring from trusted teachers and coaches. But living it is very different from watching it.
I firmly believe that all relationships (family, friendship, dating, marriage) are work. I am just becoming discouraged in my thirtysomething years that, sometimes it appears the number of relationships worth working for are hard to find and decreasing in number.
Continuing from the aforementioned analogies - How hard do you look for a pair of jeans that fit you the way you are?? How much should you be willing to change to make a pair of jeans that you do like fit you when it is apparent they don't ?
How much do you invest before deciding to cut your losses? How many different investments should you be willing to try before just cutting your losses, keeping to yourself and saving instead? Is it possible to go broke in either financial situation?
This can't be a good schema for the future.
Sometimes, I feel like some relationships are like a size 6 jean when you are a size 8 body. You really like the jeans, but you have to decide if you like them enough to change for them and if you wish to do the work to get them. You also need to consider whether the jeans will relax over time and perhaps be more forgiving of your "not quite size 6" body.
Sometimes, I think that relationships are like a high risk investment. You dump energy, time, concern, and feeling into an account in the hopes of seeing a return on your investment. Perhaps you might see a return and perhaps that return might be of signifigant consequence OR you might never see any kickback and lose the hope, energy, and concern that you have invested.
As I teach 7th-12 graders, I see the impacts of some relationships. I've seen the gifts of caring parents, I've seen the trauma of neglectful parents, I see the great joy and heartache of the adolescent relationship, as well as the power of mentoring from trusted teachers and coaches. But living it is very different from watching it.
I firmly believe that all relationships (family, friendship, dating, marriage) are work. I am just becoming discouraged in my thirtysomething years that, sometimes it appears the number of relationships worth working for are hard to find and decreasing in number.
Continuing from the aforementioned analogies - How hard do you look for a pair of jeans that fit you the way you are?? How much should you be willing to change to make a pair of jeans that you do like fit you when it is apparent they don't ?
How much do you invest before deciding to cut your losses? How many different investments should you be willing to try before just cutting your losses, keeping to yourself and saving instead? Is it possible to go broke in either financial situation?
This can't be a good schema for the future.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
All about the little things
It's been about 3 weeks back at school full swing, and, in traditional style, things have been crazy. As things go from wild to absolutely insane, it is sometimes hard to catch your breath, or simply to appreciate that what you are doing might be worthwhile to someone. I think all teachers feel like this, and perhaps everyone does.
Today, after a strangely more crazy day than usual, I return to my desk after my last class. This class had gone pretty well, in my estimation, but nonetheless the day had sucked most other life from me. As I make my way to my desk, I notice a bunch of flowers sitting on my chair. A dozen pink roses to be exact. No note, no body there to take credit for them being there, just a dozen beautiful pink roses. I couldn't help but smile.
One could have done the trick, but a dozen does look better in my vase at home. :-)
I don't know who gave them and I don't know why. Perhaps that is best. Regardless, that little something made my taxing day a little less taxing. That person not only gave me flowers, but a smile and a really great feeling. Thank you.
I only hope that I can return the favor often to as many people as I know. It's not grandeour. It's the little things that make life endurable.
Thank God for little things.
Today, after a strangely more crazy day than usual, I return to my desk after my last class. This class had gone pretty well, in my estimation, but nonetheless the day had sucked most other life from me. As I make my way to my desk, I notice a bunch of flowers sitting on my chair. A dozen pink roses to be exact. No note, no body there to take credit for them being there, just a dozen beautiful pink roses. I couldn't help but smile.
One could have done the trick, but a dozen does look better in my vase at home. :-)
I don't know who gave them and I don't know why. Perhaps that is best. Regardless, that little something made my taxing day a little less taxing. That person not only gave me flowers, but a smile and a really great feeling. Thank you.
I only hope that I can return the favor often to as many people as I know. It's not grandeour. It's the little things that make life endurable.
Thank God for little things.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Vegas,baby
So I am no longer a Vegas virgin. ( Ooooh, that just sounds wrong, but it's amusing enough that I'll leave it :-))
Anyway, the trip began in the am with a trip to Hoover Dam. It was a beautiful day, but it was all I could do to keep from yawning. We left home at around 4:00 am. And, it was pretty cool to be able to walk a few steps and cross the Arizona/Nevada border..... although coming from the East coast/New England area, a state line isn't all that impressive considering you can cross one roughly every 3-4 hours, if not less. It's a pretty miraculous piece of construction, but I think once will do me.
Lake Mead was also pretty impressive. I think I'd rather do something on it rather than look at it. Only having a limited amount of time though, the look was worth it.
Then, Vegas proper. It had it's plusses and minuses. Being more exhausted than I had anticipated was a definate minus. Anyway, we saw a comedy act one night and the "O" at the Bellagio the following. The shows were great and the theaters were quite nice also.
The gambling, eh, not my thing. I found out what "max bet" means on a slot machine the hard way. Lost a whole dollar ;-). Anyway, I couldn't justify dropping money into a machine with a slim to no chance of seeing it again, not to even consider that money gaining value. What was troubling is I saw so many people doing just that. People, who seemed to be of the ages 20-80, sipping whatever that glass or bottle held and just yanking at that handle. Made me a little sad really.
The strip was neat. It was loaded with construction though. So much, I think it probably detracted from what the strip could have looked like. Sure it pretty at night, save the tons of people and those card clickers who stand along the sides of the sidewalks not saying anything while trying to fork off these cards of naked women at you. Neat. ( not really)
One of the highlights was Madame Tussaud's Wax museum. I had never been to the one on NY, so I made up for it here. Here are a few pics. Heck ya, I posed with some of the figures, but I'm far too chicken to post incriminating photos of myself on the web. Sha...
There's more to write, but I have neither the time or patience to deliberate over that right now. As for Vegas itself, it has potential. To go there with a group of friends or with a signifigant other, yeah, I could see that being fun. A show or two, bets for fun, eating at a nice restaurant ( Bobby Flay has one at the Bellagio) while staying in a swanky hotel with terry cloth robes and slippers and a bed with far too many pillows..... yeah, that holds potential. Just to visit though, nah, I'd rather go to NY. :-)
Anyway, the trip began in the am with a trip to Hoover Dam. It was a beautiful day, but it was all I could do to keep from yawning. We left home at around 4:00 am. And, it was pretty cool to be able to walk a few steps and cross the Arizona/Nevada border..... although coming from the East coast/New England area, a state line isn't all that impressive considering you can cross one roughly every 3-4 hours, if not less. It's a pretty miraculous piece of construction, but I think once will do me.
Lake Mead was also pretty impressive. I think I'd rather do something on it rather than look at it. Only having a limited amount of time though, the look was worth it.
Then, Vegas proper. It had it's plusses and minuses. Being more exhausted than I had anticipated was a definate minus. Anyway, we saw a comedy act one night and the "O" at the Bellagio the following. The shows were great and the theaters were quite nice also.
The gambling, eh, not my thing. I found out what "max bet" means on a slot machine the hard way. Lost a whole dollar ;-). Anyway, I couldn't justify dropping money into a machine with a slim to no chance of seeing it again, not to even consider that money gaining value. What was troubling is I saw so many people doing just that. People, who seemed to be of the ages 20-80, sipping whatever that glass or bottle held and just yanking at that handle. Made me a little sad really.
The strip was neat. It was loaded with construction though. So much, I think it probably detracted from what the strip could have looked like. Sure it pretty at night, save the tons of people and those card clickers who stand along the sides of the sidewalks not saying anything while trying to fork off these cards of naked women at you. Neat. ( not really)
One of the highlights was Madame Tussaud's Wax museum. I had never been to the one on NY, so I made up for it here. Here are a few pics. Heck ya, I posed with some of the figures, but I'm far too chicken to post incriminating photos of myself on the web. Sha...
There's more to write, but I have neither the time or patience to deliberate over that right now. As for Vegas itself, it has potential. To go there with a group of friends or with a signifigant other, yeah, I could see that being fun. A show or two, bets for fun, eating at a nice restaurant ( Bobby Flay has one at the Bellagio) while staying in a swanky hotel with terry cloth robes and slippers and a bed with far too many pillows..... yeah, that holds potential. Just to visit though, nah, I'd rather go to NY. :-)
Monday, March 26, 2007
Darn spam - can make a girl blush... or vomit.
When I check my email ( which like many today is upwards of 10 times a day) I love to see emails from family and friends. I don't even mind getting a bill pay reminder or offer for something. What I am getting to abhor is the porno spam. How do I get this stuff? Luckily, most of it goes into the junk mail folder where it can be easily deleted, but, honestly, it's rather disturbing.
I have no need to grow anything by 6 more inches, I have no desire to find a F&*^buddy... (especially one who is advertising on the Internet)and I personally do not care how many whoevers or whatevers someone has banged in the last 24 hours... unless it is a GONG SHOW reference. Even then, the concern is not that great.
Ok, I don't really want to know how, but WHY ??? Is a sense of desperation emitting so strongly from my computer that I get this crap? (Hmmm. There's a thought) Besides, I am not male. The things they seem to find appropriate to solicit to males is down right disgusting, if not frightening.
Well, at least if I don't get a friendly email or line joke from someone, I know at least 20 people will have solicited me for some sort of sexual service or product in the junk mail folder. That's just depressing.
But I wonder.... do people reply to this stuff ?
I have no need to grow anything by 6 more inches, I have no desire to find a F&*^buddy... (especially one who is advertising on the Internet)and I personally do not care how many whoevers or whatevers someone has banged in the last 24 hours... unless it is a GONG SHOW reference. Even then, the concern is not that great.
Ok, I don't really want to know how, but WHY ??? Is a sense of desperation emitting so strongly from my computer that I get this crap? (Hmmm. There's a thought) Besides, I am not male. The things they seem to find appropriate to solicit to males is down right disgusting, if not frightening.
Well, at least if I don't get a friendly email or line joke from someone, I know at least 20 people will have solicited me for some sort of sexual service or product in the junk mail folder. That's just depressing.
But I wonder.... do people reply to this stuff ?
Thursday, March 08, 2007
My gift
Everyday I have a chance to be thankful for my son. He is such a great person.
We have a tradition that he and I join friends for dinner every Wednesday night. This past Wednesday, I had an orientation meeting and so I couldn't do dinner. I hadn't realized this in a timely fashion so, Christian didn't know until that day.
His grandfather picked him up from school as I was finishing teaching my private lessons and he would be staying with the grandparents that night. I told them I would call as soon as I knew for sure what was going on.
After the lessons, I called preparing to apologize. He answered and the conversation went something like:
Me: Hello?
Christian: Hey Mom. Am I going out for dinner tonight?
Me: Unfortunately, no. I have a school meeting I have to attend. I am sorry.
Christian: Oh. I am so sorry to hear that. ( isn't that funny??)
Me: Yeah. I'm sorry we can't go out. Maybe next week?
Christian: That sounds great. You gotta deal. Sorry you have to stay at
school. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you
Me: Love you too. Bye.
I am amazed at my son. He's seven. SEVEN. And at times he is 20x more considerate than his father. Shoot, at times he more considerate than most people I know, myself included. What an amazing young man.
He is my gift.
We have a tradition that he and I join friends for dinner every Wednesday night. This past Wednesday, I had an orientation meeting and so I couldn't do dinner. I hadn't realized this in a timely fashion so, Christian didn't know until that day.
His grandfather picked him up from school as I was finishing teaching my private lessons and he would be staying with the grandparents that night. I told them I would call as soon as I knew for sure what was going on.
After the lessons, I called preparing to apologize. He answered and the conversation went something like:
Me: Hello?
Christian: Hey Mom. Am I going out for dinner tonight?
Me: Unfortunately, no. I have a school meeting I have to attend. I am sorry.
Christian: Oh. I am so sorry to hear that. ( isn't that funny??)
Me: Yeah. I'm sorry we can't go out. Maybe next week?
Christian: That sounds great. You gotta deal. Sorry you have to stay at
school. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you
Me: Love you too. Bye.
I am amazed at my son. He's seven. SEVEN. And at times he is 20x more considerate than his father. Shoot, at times he more considerate than most people I know, myself included. What an amazing young man.
He is my gift.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Week in review
These next 2 months are relatively crazy, even by my standards, so I feel the need to recap them for myself and perhaps think to make adjustments when I can.
This past week - Sunday was a night of minor turmoil. Amongst the usual weekend scurry to catch up on house maintenance, we had a family birthday party for my son and I had promised a student I would attend a non school musical performance. In the mid afternoon of this day, we went back to a furniture store where I had seen a couch that I liked and a desk that Christian liked. In the span of 30 minutes ( timed on my phone, as we had to leave in order to be to his grandparents house on time) we found the desk that he wants for the apartment and a small bookcase. We arrived to the party in time to meet and greet, eat pizza and cake, and open presents. After a time there I left for the performance and explained to the people who invited us why Christian was not there. They, as always, were very gracious. I left the concert to return to the furniture store to actually purchase the desk bookcase and........... the couch.
Monday - a school day of normal 7:30 am - 4:40 pm. At the end of the day, listening to bands and soloists the entire ( and I mean the entire) day, I had a migraine for which I bailed on a rehearsal I was supposed to attend that evening.
Tuesday - 7am jazz rehearsal. Christian's actual birthday. We dined at Chuck E Cheese and played video games. Christian announced that it was his birthday to any who would listen :-) It was a fun night.
Wednesday - There was something early am this day, but I can't remember was it was. The weather was pretty interesting this day, so upon getting home, I stayed there and read a book :-)
Thursday - GREAT jazz band rehearsal. And the day went down from there. My 6th hour class got way under my skin. Band t and Irish Tune..... remember that. Pueblo Symphony rehearsal this night from 7-9:30. This went pretty well, but the second horn player needs to look at their part a little more. Long day from 7am-11:00pm
Friday - The Annual Chili Dinner. This is a 2 part fundraiser we do. Part A - Chili Cookoff with judges and prizes. Part B - small ensemble performances. Thank goodness for the parents who helped out with this event as we had over 300 people in attendance. Kids and parents alike helped to set up which took roughly 2.5 hours with over 15 people. The dinner began at 5:30 and concluded at 8:30. It was a pretty good time. Ken's folks dropped little C off. He had a great time with the band kids and helping me draw the numbers for the door prizes. He left with his dad at 8pm with only a minor scene.
As for clean up, that was a different matter. We didn't get out of there until 10:30. Remember to review custodial contracts before the night of the event. At the end of the night I headed to Boulder for the CU Honor Band clinics and rehearsals that were already in session. One of our students made this band and it's only right ( and expected) that directors support their students. I arrived at the hotel in Boulder at 11:50. Thankfully it had the softest pillow known to man :-)
Saturday - Day on Boulder. My first time on CU campus. It was very nice. The formal activities didn't begin until 9am, so that was nice. The bands have a nice rehearsal facility and the performance hall is awesome. The guest conductors were very informative and enjoyable. That and I came to discover the town of Boulder deserves a little more time for exploration. The concert ended at 9:15 and then I headed back home.
Sunday - Housework - AND.... the couch got delivered. They wouldn't hold in until I got the apartment so Ken agreed to let me keep it here until then. Having a couch is a BIG relief. One less thing to worry about on moving day. Christian headed to a play date with an awesomely nice family with 4 6-7 year olds. These people are amazing. The printer was being a true ass as there was an empty ink cartridge and I couldn't remove it. After great frustration and a little teamwork? the cartridge came out so that I could actually replace it. I had called/emailed someone to come over and help me with that, but in retrospect it's a good thing that wasn't actually needed as a) I looked like crap today b) my house looked like crap today c) there was too much crap to do today to be any sort of pleasant company to mostly anyone. Presently, after finishing drying the sheets and watching Peter Pan with my son ( not in that order), I finish the night here with a "weekly" nightcap.
It's funny that as this week went by, I thought several times of something great to put here, but I was either too tired or busy to put in down on paper or here. When I actually got here to the computer, all I can do is summarize. Go Figure.
Round 1 down 7 to go.
This past week - Sunday was a night of minor turmoil. Amongst the usual weekend scurry to catch up on house maintenance, we had a family birthday party for my son and I had promised a student I would attend a non school musical performance. In the mid afternoon of this day, we went back to a furniture store where I had seen a couch that I liked and a desk that Christian liked. In the span of 30 minutes ( timed on my phone, as we had to leave in order to be to his grandparents house on time) we found the desk that he wants for the apartment and a small bookcase. We arrived to the party in time to meet and greet, eat pizza and cake, and open presents. After a time there I left for the performance and explained to the people who invited us why Christian was not there. They, as always, were very gracious. I left the concert to return to the furniture store to actually purchase the desk bookcase and........... the couch.
Monday - a school day of normal 7:30 am - 4:40 pm. At the end of the day, listening to bands and soloists the entire ( and I mean the entire) day, I had a migraine for which I bailed on a rehearsal I was supposed to attend that evening.
Tuesday - 7am jazz rehearsal. Christian's actual birthday. We dined at Chuck E Cheese and played video games. Christian announced that it was his birthday to any who would listen :-) It was a fun night.
Wednesday - There was something early am this day, but I can't remember was it was. The weather was pretty interesting this day, so upon getting home, I stayed there and read a book :-)
Thursday - GREAT jazz band rehearsal. And the day went down from there. My 6th hour class got way under my skin. Band t and Irish Tune..... remember that. Pueblo Symphony rehearsal this night from 7-9:30. This went pretty well, but the second horn player needs to look at their part a little more. Long day from 7am-11:00pm
Friday - The Annual Chili Dinner. This is a 2 part fundraiser we do. Part A - Chili Cookoff with judges and prizes. Part B - small ensemble performances. Thank goodness for the parents who helped out with this event as we had over 300 people in attendance. Kids and parents alike helped to set up which took roughly 2.5 hours with over 15 people. The dinner began at 5:30 and concluded at 8:30. It was a pretty good time. Ken's folks dropped little C off. He had a great time with the band kids and helping me draw the numbers for the door prizes. He left with his dad at 8pm with only a minor scene.
As for clean up, that was a different matter. We didn't get out of there until 10:30. Remember to review custodial contracts before the night of the event. At the end of the night I headed to Boulder for the CU Honor Band clinics and rehearsals that were already in session. One of our students made this band and it's only right ( and expected) that directors support their students. I arrived at the hotel in Boulder at 11:50. Thankfully it had the softest pillow known to man :-)
Saturday - Day on Boulder. My first time on CU campus. It was very nice. The formal activities didn't begin until 9am, so that was nice. The bands have a nice rehearsal facility and the performance hall is awesome. The guest conductors were very informative and enjoyable. That and I came to discover the town of Boulder deserves a little more time for exploration. The concert ended at 9:15 and then I headed back home.
Sunday - Housework - AND.... the couch got delivered. They wouldn't hold in until I got the apartment so Ken agreed to let me keep it here until then. Having a couch is a BIG relief. One less thing to worry about on moving day. Christian headed to a play date with an awesomely nice family with 4 6-7 year olds. These people are amazing. The printer was being a true ass as there was an empty ink cartridge and I couldn't remove it. After great frustration and a little teamwork? the cartridge came out so that I could actually replace it. I had called/emailed someone to come over and help me with that, but in retrospect it's a good thing that wasn't actually needed as a) I looked like crap today b) my house looked like crap today c) there was too much crap to do today to be any sort of pleasant company to mostly anyone. Presently, after finishing drying the sheets and watching Peter Pan with my son ( not in that order), I finish the night here with a "weekly" nightcap.
It's funny that as this week went by, I thought several times of something great to put here, but I was either too tired or busy to put in down on paper or here. When I actually got here to the computer, all I can do is summarize. Go Figure.
Round 1 down 7 to go.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Too much .... too little
Today I have suffered another round of supposedly good intention with lack of mental follow through. I think this comes from over scheduling.
Christian's grandparents organized a birthday get together ( consisiting of pizza and cake) for him on Sunday, the time unbeknownst to me. I agreed to this dinner get together about 2 weeks ago. A student of mine has a performance that he purchased tickets for me and Christian to attend the same day. Not knowing the time of the performance and thinking it to be a birthday dinner, I thought having these two activities would be manageable. When the mom of this student delivered the tickets, the concert time on the tickets read 3pm. That might work if the dinner were at five. I came to find they had scheduled the "party" for 3 also. When asking Ken if he thought this could be a lunchtime get together instead, he called his parents and "told" them to make the party for 12. Not my preferred method of handling it, but I thought it would be best if he spoke to his mom. His dad calls today saying that the party can't begin until 1 because he is playing a church job until 11:30 and then asks me why I am taking the boy away from his party..... of all adults.
I didn't know the time of the party/ meal with cake - problem #1
I didn't know the time of the concert - problem #2
I should have handled it personally and not let Ken intercede - problem #3
I should have run the meal here so as not to be affected by others schedules that I have no way of knowing about - problem #4
I have no idea how to handle last minute changes when they affect others - problem #5
Thinking that a concert may not be all that fun for a little boy, I conceded on him not going. Watching TV around a bunch of talking adults probably would be more entertaining. I can't tell the solidness of other people's plans when they happen with so little communication, but yet I didn't think to mention the concert, although my student had asked more than a week ago. I didn't think a change of the time of this meal would be a big deal since it is pizza and cake with family, but I now know I didn't give enough consideration to it.
I am so confused because I try to be, at least I think I do, as accommodating as people ask. I will move a time or do extra somethings because someone else needs it or wants it. On Thursday, Ken got put on a job for Friday. He was previously scheduled to watch Christian and I had a rehearsal. His parents were unavailable. It had all been planned. Thursday at 4 he calls to tell me he can't due to this last minute assignment and says I have to call for a babysitter. Not that he was sorry for the inconvenience or would appreciate if I called. His mother then tells me I should skip the rehearsal to stay home. Angry and hurt that my inconvenience was not even taken into the slightest account, I ended up finding a great babysitter who could do this last minute. Part of me was real angry and the other part thinking, eh, it could happen to anyone.
After this event and the aggrevation part, I again reflected on an inconvenience imposed upon another earlier in the week. Damn Karma.
The more I am treated like this, it seems the more selfish I become, almost like self preservation. Intention over thoughtfulness. This is bad.
That, in addition to scheduling things for family, job, health, and for others, I sometimes forget to consider others or see how all planned activties line up I should have gotten the times for the concert and the get-together, but was too busy to step back and see how they fit together.
And when I do something totally self serving, it seems mistimed or misplaced and causes frustration over relief, both to myself and others.
This time, I wanted to support this student as he seemed to want me to and take my son to, oh, something that reflects what I and most of his immediate family do for a living and hope to teach him to enjoy or appreciate it in some sense. Selfish. And in turn, I throw the extended family into a tizzy because pizza and cake were to be eaten at 3 and, with this poorly planned decision, I seemingly am greatly negatively affecting others schedules.
What I think I am finding is an old teacher dictum - planning should take 90% of the task. Execution only takes about 10%. Fail to plan, plan to fail. But, when you are over scheduled, you lack the time to plan.
Being a more "fly by the seat of your pants" person by nature it kills me when the only things that seem pleasant are those that have been planned. That, and I hate the fact that I seem to do the exact same things I hate when others do.
As for earlier in the week, I was looking to share some time and space in a friendly environment, not necessarily conversation and certainly not conflict. I didn't read the "bright" neon signs that the other party had neither the time nor will for either. It seemed it was my turn to be inconsiderate.
I guess this is just another life lesson.
Christian's grandparents organized a birthday get together ( consisiting of pizza and cake) for him on Sunday, the time unbeknownst to me. I agreed to this dinner get together about 2 weeks ago. A student of mine has a performance that he purchased tickets for me and Christian to attend the same day. Not knowing the time of the performance and thinking it to be a birthday dinner, I thought having these two activities would be manageable. When the mom of this student delivered the tickets, the concert time on the tickets read 3pm. That might work if the dinner were at five. I came to find they had scheduled the "party" for 3 also. When asking Ken if he thought this could be a lunchtime get together instead, he called his parents and "told" them to make the party for 12. Not my preferred method of handling it, but I thought it would be best if he spoke to his mom. His dad calls today saying that the party can't begin until 1 because he is playing a church job until 11:30 and then asks me why I am taking the boy away from his party..... of all adults.
I didn't know the time of the party/ meal with cake - problem #1
I didn't know the time of the concert - problem #2
I should have handled it personally and not let Ken intercede - problem #3
I should have run the meal here so as not to be affected by others schedules that I have no way of knowing about - problem #4
I have no idea how to handle last minute changes when they affect others - problem #5
Thinking that a concert may not be all that fun for a little boy, I conceded on him not going. Watching TV around a bunch of talking adults probably would be more entertaining. I can't tell the solidness of other people's plans when they happen with so little communication, but yet I didn't think to mention the concert, although my student had asked more than a week ago. I didn't think a change of the time of this meal would be a big deal since it is pizza and cake with family, but I now know I didn't give enough consideration to it.
I am so confused because I try to be, at least I think I do, as accommodating as people ask. I will move a time or do extra somethings because someone else needs it or wants it. On Thursday, Ken got put on a job for Friday. He was previously scheduled to watch Christian and I had a rehearsal. His parents were unavailable. It had all been planned. Thursday at 4 he calls to tell me he can't due to this last minute assignment and says I have to call for a babysitter. Not that he was sorry for the inconvenience or would appreciate if I called. His mother then tells me I should skip the rehearsal to stay home. Angry and hurt that my inconvenience was not even taken into the slightest account, I ended up finding a great babysitter who could do this last minute. Part of me was real angry and the other part thinking, eh, it could happen to anyone.
After this event and the aggrevation part, I again reflected on an inconvenience imposed upon another earlier in the week. Damn Karma.
The more I am treated like this, it seems the more selfish I become, almost like self preservation. Intention over thoughtfulness. This is bad.
That, in addition to scheduling things for family, job, health, and for others, I sometimes forget to consider others or see how all planned activties line up I should have gotten the times for the concert and the get-together, but was too busy to step back and see how they fit together.
And when I do something totally self serving, it seems mistimed or misplaced and causes frustration over relief, both to myself and others.
This time, I wanted to support this student as he seemed to want me to and take my son to, oh, something that reflects what I and most of his immediate family do for a living and hope to teach him to enjoy or appreciate it in some sense. Selfish. And in turn, I throw the extended family into a tizzy because pizza and cake were to be eaten at 3 and, with this poorly planned decision, I seemingly am greatly negatively affecting others schedules.
What I think I am finding is an old teacher dictum - planning should take 90% of the task. Execution only takes about 10%. Fail to plan, plan to fail. But, when you are over scheduled, you lack the time to plan.
Being a more "fly by the seat of your pants" person by nature it kills me when the only things that seem pleasant are those that have been planned. That, and I hate the fact that I seem to do the exact same things I hate when others do.
As for earlier in the week, I was looking to share some time and space in a friendly environment, not necessarily conversation and certainly not conflict. I didn't read the "bright" neon signs that the other party had neither the time nor will for either. It seemed it was my turn to be inconsiderate.
I guess this is just another life lesson.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Character in schools
Just an article to refer to for a little opinion:
Here is a link to an article in USA Today (Today 2/20): http://blogs.usatoday.com/oped/2007/02/post_48.html
Here is a link to an article in USA Today (Today 2/20): http://blogs.usatoday.com/oped/2007/02/post_48.html
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
3:00 am
Today was a good day. Correction: "yesterday" was a good day, for the most part. There was one episode that I could have lived without, but I think that is a feeling shared amongst all parties. So, what's the trouble?
I can't sleep right now.
Dreams. If my memory of psychology serves me, dreams are the minds way of categorizing a days events and placing them where they need to go in the mind or the time when the mind attempts to solve unresolved conflict to put it away as well. I headed to bed at 10:00 knowing I have an early morning as I do every Tuesday. So then, WHY must the brain decide to address this aforementioned episode at 3am not letting me sleep? My brain flashes back to various moments of this past event and other such times and right now, it seems it won't let me shelve it.
Come on, I do not have time for this. For the last 20 minutes, I have been flashing through this unpleasant part of yesterday to the point where I am occasionally speaking aloud trying to get my brain to drop it. Between my brain and my mouth, I say things like:
there's nothing you can do about it now; what was I supposed to do; why did I not do "that"; what should I have done; was "blank" wrong; who cares, it's 3am anyway; there's nothing you should so about it now or later; did I offend; do I make amends; what are you not getting here; you've tried to do and been very wrong in doing so; if there were something you should do, you don't know what it is and nobody wants you to do it anyway, so let it drop; it'll work itself out; forget it.
A great conversation..... really. (note venomous sarcasm)
My rational explanation I am trying to get my mind to accept is, wherever this conflict lies, there will be no solution drawn tonight, or maybe even for quite some time, so let it go. Why then does it seem my conscious ( or subconscious) mind does not believe me?
Sorry for not explicitly sharing the conflict, but that is not the point of this entry. The fact that my dreams, subconscious mind organization, whatever you call it, is working overtime at a time I'd rather it didn't is the point. I'm going to disregard the rather seeming irony of this inconvenience to the episode itself, unless my subconscious wants to explain _it's_ intentions. Payback's a bitch, especially when it is done by your own self.
So, there is this attempt to put something of this seemingly troubling situation down into visible words so that maybe this act itself will put my mind at some sort of peace, or at least in a bit of a stupor to let me get back to sleep. I can now tell myself I'll reflect on it later when I have more time. Hopefully it worked, because there's not enough time left for a sleep aid.
At least Monday was a good day.... for the most part.
I can't sleep right now.
Dreams. If my memory of psychology serves me, dreams are the minds way of categorizing a days events and placing them where they need to go in the mind or the time when the mind attempts to solve unresolved conflict to put it away as well. I headed to bed at 10:00 knowing I have an early morning as I do every Tuesday. So then, WHY must the brain decide to address this aforementioned episode at 3am not letting me sleep? My brain flashes back to various moments of this past event and other such times and right now, it seems it won't let me shelve it.
Come on, I do not have time for this. For the last 20 minutes, I have been flashing through this unpleasant part of yesterday to the point where I am occasionally speaking aloud trying to get my brain to drop it. Between my brain and my mouth, I say things like:
there's nothing you can do about it now; what was I supposed to do; why did I not do "that"; what should I have done; was "blank" wrong; who cares, it's 3am anyway; there's nothing you should so about it now or later; did I offend; do I make amends; what are you not getting here; you've tried to do and been very wrong in doing so; if there were something you should do, you don't know what it is and nobody wants you to do it anyway, so let it drop; it'll work itself out; forget it.
A great conversation..... really. (note venomous sarcasm)
My rational explanation I am trying to get my mind to accept is, wherever this conflict lies, there will be no solution drawn tonight, or maybe even for quite some time, so let it go. Why then does it seem my conscious ( or subconscious) mind does not believe me?
Sorry for not explicitly sharing the conflict, but that is not the point of this entry. The fact that my dreams, subconscious mind organization, whatever you call it, is working overtime at a time I'd rather it didn't is the point. I'm going to disregard the rather seeming irony of this inconvenience to the episode itself, unless my subconscious wants to explain _it's_ intentions. Payback's a bitch, especially when it is done by your own self.
So, there is this attempt to put something of this seemingly troubling situation down into visible words so that maybe this act itself will put my mind at some sort of peace, or at least in a bit of a stupor to let me get back to sleep. I can now tell myself I'll reflect on it later when I have more time. Hopefully it worked, because there's not enough time left for a sleep aid.
At least Monday was a good day.... for the most part.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Great Date
Tonight I can truly say I had a great date.
It began when I brainstormed of things to do. I had decided that I needed to go to my new apartment complex to finish some details, then I wanted to go out to dinner and a movie. I asked this one fella if he'd like to join me and he said yes. It really was not that surprizing as he also likes to go out.
So, surprizingly enough he indulged me through the apartment part, playing at the pool table in the clubhouse. When I finished my business, he challenged me to a game of shuffleboard. Since neither of us knew how to play, this proved amusing yet slightly fruitless. Needless to say, it was a tie. Then, as we stopped at the strip mall where the restaurant was located, he indulged me once again as I went into a little furniture store looking for some miscellaneous funiture. Guy in a furniture store?.... this is special. At dinner, he kindly picked out a table and allowed me to be served first. And then, after dinner, we headed to the movies where we shared a popcorn and soda, he carried the popcorn and me the soda.
It was a low pressure fun night with lots of smiles and laughs and I hope to be able to repeat it again very soon.
Yup, a great night.
Who is the special guy? Well, let me tell you he's a very smart guy with tons of personality. He's the kind of guy that doesn't take no for an answer easily.... sometimes to his deficit. His smile and laughter are contagious and, when he holds my hand all I can do is smile. And when he hugs you, he practically squeezes you to death.
The bad side.....he doesn't pay for anything.
It's ok though....because he's only 6 and I am his mom.
The restaurant - Chuck E Cheese. The movie - A Night at the Museum
A night out with my son. Best night of my week.
It began when I brainstormed of things to do. I had decided that I needed to go to my new apartment complex to finish some details, then I wanted to go out to dinner and a movie. I asked this one fella if he'd like to join me and he said yes. It really was not that surprizing as he also likes to go out.
So, surprizingly enough he indulged me through the apartment part, playing at the pool table in the clubhouse. When I finished my business, he challenged me to a game of shuffleboard. Since neither of us knew how to play, this proved amusing yet slightly fruitless. Needless to say, it was a tie. Then, as we stopped at the strip mall where the restaurant was located, he indulged me once again as I went into a little furniture store looking for some miscellaneous funiture. Guy in a furniture store?.... this is special. At dinner, he kindly picked out a table and allowed me to be served first. And then, after dinner, we headed to the movies where we shared a popcorn and soda, he carried the popcorn and me the soda.
It was a low pressure fun night with lots of smiles and laughs and I hope to be able to repeat it again very soon.
Yup, a great night.
Who is the special guy? Well, let me tell you he's a very smart guy with tons of personality. He's the kind of guy that doesn't take no for an answer easily.... sometimes to his deficit. His smile and laughter are contagious and, when he holds my hand all I can do is smile. And when he hugs you, he practically squeezes you to death.
The bad side.....he doesn't pay for anything.
It's ok though....because he's only 6 and I am his mom.
The restaurant - Chuck E Cheese. The movie - A Night at the Museum
A night out with my son. Best night of my week.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Goodbye Cutie
That was the name of our hamster - Cutie.
Christian named him last year. Or was it the year before? Anyway, he was our pet. Over the past week he had started to bloat, seemed to have stopped eating healthily, and had become very inactive. Also, Thursday night when he slept ( which is weird as hamsters are nocturnal), he seemed to have a little trouble breathing. All considering, I decided to take him to the vet. I think I believed they would tell me that he was old, or constipated and either give us medicine to help him recover or say that he had another month left. Thinking these things, I took Christian and the hamster to the vet, as no one else was around to watch either Christian or the hamster. I swear, I truly believed it to be an innocuous trip. Besides, he was a rodent.
We transported him in an old shoe box with bedding. He seemed to be comfortable.
We arrived at the vet's and surrendered the shoe box. After waiting about 45 minutes we were called in an exam room to speak with the doctor. She said we had the choice between two courses of action. The hamster had a nodule somewhere around his shoulder that she could feel. She could either extract some tissue and fluid from that and analyze it to see whether is was cancerous or not, or take an X-ray and see the status of his entire body. I chose the X-ray.
10 minutes later she brought back the film to show something that broke my heart. Cutie had several masses in his body. One of which was very large in the area of his heart and lungs. So large in fact it limited his breathing, explaining the labored breath and lethargy. These masses were essentially suffocating him. So, he had to be put down.
I never thought that it could hurt so bad to put a hamster down, but, again I was wrong. I thought I could detach a little bit and be strong for Christian. He was a hamster, not a pet dog that had lived with us for 12 years. Nope. I guess feelings hide themselves, or we hide them. Christian and I got to hold him for a few minutes in the doctors office before they took him away. He loved his hamster and I did too. I guess maybe it's still a little too raw to know exactly what we felt, but I knew both of us hurt. I knew my son was crying as he realized he would never see that hamster again. I had to share the experience of something dying and mourning with my son firsthand and all the feelings that go with that. He had to listen to the doctor and I explain that bringing the hamster home would be cruel and leaving him there to be given a medicine that puts him to sleep would be a good thing. I know he understood one word - die. I don't know whether it was a wise choice or not, but we didn't witness the process. I didn't think it appropriate for a 6 year old. We simply said our goodbyes.
While we were both crying, I told him that I was sorry for all this. He told me it's not my fault, but that he's going to miss Cutie. I said I would miss Cutie too and just held my boy for a little bit.
It's just hard when doing what seems to be the right thing seems to hurt everyone. At least Cutie's suffering stopped. If only we had known........
I guess, since even as I type this a few tears come and go, this may take a little while to move from. But, sometimes it is good to say goodbye.
Goodbye Cutie. We love you.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Crackers with my whine?
Today... more snow. Ugh !!! I like snow, don't misunderstand. But last year here, there were days you could wear a short sleeved shirt and be comfy. These days, I can't get up the driveway due to the ice and snow.... and lack of 4 wheeled drive.
Speaking of that, my irritation level shot through the roof once again due to the residential situation. Maybe I need to push up my move out date? The last 2 or 3 snowfalls, I have done most of the shoveling. Not a big deal, since I am the one that likes to go out and it's ok exercise. Today, I felt like being a little bit rebellious. After making sure that the bathrooms were in good shape, dishes and the laundry done, I was a little lazy. Sure the garbage can needed to be emptied, but I am not the only adult living in the house. I asked if he would take care of it, and he said he would. I left mid afternoon... well, around 1:45 for my performance. I knew I should have touched up the driveway, but like I said, I opted not too.
At about 5, I met the family ( his family and Christian) at a pizza parlor for dinner. Afterwards I drove Ken and I home. ( note that his dad drove them all there... in his 4x4 Highlander.... man I like that car)
As I started slipping like crazy
I said aloud, "I might have a little trouble getting to work tomorrow"
His reply "Man, I'm not looking forward to shoveling tomorrow".
Thinking he might be shoveling in the early am and I could help,
Me: " What time to you go to work tomorrow?"
Him, " I don't"
Me: "Guess I should have shoveled today, but I'm getting a little sick of shovelling. Might have a little trouble since the car gets stuck easy" ( honesty mixed with a passive aggressive complaint)
Him: ( this from the guy who had read the paper and watched football ALL day) "No big deal. Don't worry about getting out. It's mostly the powder stuff. I'll get to it later tomorrow"
(I interpreted that as...."Yup. Didn't shovel today cause I didn't need to. And I don't have to because you getting out safely or smoothly to work couldn't concern me less)
So as I attempt to get up the driveway... no luck. I got stuck 1/2 way. After trying a few more times to make it and growing more irritated with every try, I slam the car into gear and throw the break up, shut down the car and, probably a little too loud, announce, "Looks like a great time to shovel" His dad offered to get my car in the garage which both insulted and torked me as I just wanted to reply, "Nope. I can actually pull a car into a garage when the driveway is semi-clear. But _I_ didn't take care of that. Why don't you ask your son why he didn't? And why are YOU asking to pull my car in? That'd be a nice gesture, oh, from him. Why don't you just tell your boy to get off his MF ass and DO SOMETHING!!!!"
So, I head into the house, still steaming, to change from my concert shoes filled with snow from the driveway to change into my boots. My mother in law asked me to retrieve one of Christian's lunchboxes and hats for their house. Sure, whatever I can do to serve. Still steaming, I go into the house. Refusing to untie one boot, I attempt to shove my foot into it. Wasn't going so well. And, perhaps you have a similar experience when your fuse is fried and yet something else isn't proceeding as desired. I start lightly cursing, knowing Christian is outside and that I will have a fit of rage if something doesn't get out. And then, not yet 1 minute after asking, but most likely innocuously enough (but my feathers were way too ruffled to not infer) my current mother in law (a women who won't drive 10 miles at night and had NEVER touched a shovel in her life) follows me into the house checking on whether I got the lunchbox and hat. I said I would, and I will. I gave her the stuff and they proceeded home...thank goodness. The saddest/ greatest part is when Christian ( 6 YEAR OLD CHRISTIAN) gets his little shovel and starts to clear the driveway. I am so greatful for our little boy. But emotionally, the damage had been done. I wanted to beat the snot out of "the bum" of the house.... or run away.
I have to get out of this house. All of Ken's traits that anger or irritate me have transcended the house, and the way I feel about them I project onto other people. I can't handle getting blown off a little bit, have a hard time with judgmental people, and am just plain on edge with everything. Besides that, I can't juggle all the things work, home and child related AND try to cover the things I didn't think I needed to handle - like a cable bill in MY name that goes unpaid because I was told someone else would handle it. I guess that's like the garbage that is still in the kitchen because I asked someone else to take it out. I hope a change in environment will help.... Either that or I need a whole freaking pool of Calgon.
On a little bit of an upper, the gig went ok. I made it through without any noticeable splats and had a semblance of face at the end. It was with a new group, so it's always good to make a favorable impression. Yeah.
Speaking of that, my irritation level shot through the roof once again due to the residential situation. Maybe I need to push up my move out date? The last 2 or 3 snowfalls, I have done most of the shoveling. Not a big deal, since I am the one that likes to go out and it's ok exercise. Today, I felt like being a little bit rebellious. After making sure that the bathrooms were in good shape, dishes and the laundry done, I was a little lazy. Sure the garbage can needed to be emptied, but I am not the only adult living in the house. I asked if he would take care of it, and he said he would. I left mid afternoon... well, around 1:45 for my performance. I knew I should have touched up the driveway, but like I said, I opted not too.
At about 5, I met the family ( his family and Christian) at a pizza parlor for dinner. Afterwards I drove Ken and I home. ( note that his dad drove them all there... in his 4x4 Highlander.... man I like that car)
As I started slipping like crazy
I said aloud, "I might have a little trouble getting to work tomorrow"
His reply "Man, I'm not looking forward to shoveling tomorrow".
Thinking he might be shoveling in the early am and I could help,
Me: " What time to you go to work tomorrow?"
Him, " I don't"
Me: "Guess I should have shoveled today, but I'm getting a little sick of shovelling. Might have a little trouble since the car gets stuck easy" ( honesty mixed with a passive aggressive complaint)
Him: ( this from the guy who had read the paper and watched football ALL day) "No big deal. Don't worry about getting out. It's mostly the powder stuff. I'll get to it later tomorrow"
(I interpreted that as...."Yup. Didn't shovel today cause I didn't need to. And I don't have to because you getting out safely or smoothly to work couldn't concern me less)
So as I attempt to get up the driveway... no luck. I got stuck 1/2 way. After trying a few more times to make it and growing more irritated with every try, I slam the car into gear and throw the break up, shut down the car and, probably a little too loud, announce, "Looks like a great time to shovel" His dad offered to get my car in the garage which both insulted and torked me as I just wanted to reply, "Nope. I can actually pull a car into a garage when the driveway is semi-clear. But _I_ didn't take care of that. Why don't you ask your son why he didn't? And why are YOU asking to pull my car in? That'd be a nice gesture, oh, from him. Why don't you just tell your boy to get off his MF ass and DO SOMETHING!!!!"
So, I head into the house, still steaming, to change from my concert shoes filled with snow from the driveway to change into my boots. My mother in law asked me to retrieve one of Christian's lunchboxes and hats for their house. Sure, whatever I can do to serve. Still steaming, I go into the house. Refusing to untie one boot, I attempt to shove my foot into it. Wasn't going so well. And, perhaps you have a similar experience when your fuse is fried and yet something else isn't proceeding as desired. I start lightly cursing, knowing Christian is outside and that I will have a fit of rage if something doesn't get out. And then, not yet 1 minute after asking, but most likely innocuously enough (but my feathers were way too ruffled to not infer) my current mother in law (a women who won't drive 10 miles at night and had NEVER touched a shovel in her life) follows me into the house checking on whether I got the lunchbox and hat. I said I would, and I will. I gave her the stuff and they proceeded home...thank goodness. The saddest/ greatest part is when Christian ( 6 YEAR OLD CHRISTIAN) gets his little shovel and starts to clear the driveway. I am so greatful for our little boy. But emotionally, the damage had been done. I wanted to beat the snot out of "the bum" of the house.... or run away.
I have to get out of this house. All of Ken's traits that anger or irritate me have transcended the house, and the way I feel about them I project onto other people. I can't handle getting blown off a little bit, have a hard time with judgmental people, and am just plain on edge with everything. Besides that, I can't juggle all the things work, home and child related AND try to cover the things I didn't think I needed to handle - like a cable bill in MY name that goes unpaid because I was told someone else would handle it. I guess that's like the garbage that is still in the kitchen because I asked someone else to take it out. I hope a change in environment will help.... Either that or I need a whole freaking pool of Calgon.
On a little bit of an upper, the gig went ok. I made it through without any noticeable splats and had a semblance of face at the end. It was with a new group, so it's always good to make a favorable impression. Yeah.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Thursday.....
Highlights of today? ..... Don't know :-)
Here's is a little of what happened though.
Best news of today - Christian is one day down with no hair pulling. This is BIG news. I was so happy for him and proud of him I treated him to his own Starbucks. ( who gives a 6 year old Starbucks? Uh, that would be me. Besides, I am amused when he orders himself a kids decaf mocha with no whipped cream. Give him keys and a briefcase and he's ready for the work force) Today, he agreed that he and I would share a drink and he requested a piece of pumpkin loaf in exchange. Fair enough.
This is much better after yesterday, which was a day of trauma for him. I had given him the "rice ball" to play with in class, but had not notified his teacher about it.It's not good to send a child with something that resembles a plaything and not let a teacher know what it's function is or why he has it in class. Well, this rice ball was enjoyed by several in the class including 2 girls. One of these girls ( account according to Christian) said that the ball was hers and that she made it. Christian contested, but he is not the confrontational type. Then when "Susie II" chimed in agreeing with her friend, Christian surrendered.
Later on that day, I happened to bump into his class in a main corridor. They were headed to gym and I was on the way back from yet another meeting. I saw his eyebrow was all red. We spoke and he told me he had pulled again. I asked why and he started to ball. He then shared the "rice ball incident". After calming down a little, he headed to PE and I headed to his teacher to give him the low down on the current situation and explain the rice ball. Teacher was very understanding ( he's a great guy for 1st graders). Last night, I made another rice ball and put his name on it. So, for today victory in round 1. One day at a time.
Work was fine. Nothing much to note...... no pun intended.
Home - ok, there is this game that we have on the PC called Loco. ( short for locomotive) In this low tech game, you have to shoot colored objects into the matching spots of a moving train. It sounds easy but it's a little bit of a pisser for me. I think there are 15 levels. It has taken me 5 darn days to get from 13-14. This is why I am scared to discover all this WII or PS2 -3 - whatever business. I just don't have that much time to play a game. And heaven forbid I actually like it. A student offered to have me listen to a soundtrack from one of his handheld PS something machines. The music to the closing credits was certainly impressive, but not so much as the graphics. What the hell? It was like watching a mini movie. I must sound like I am from the stone ages, but these gaming systems absolutely amaze me. And then when I actually try to play them.... I miss Pong :-).
The future - I am supposed to play a performance on Sunday. This is after taking almost 3 weeks off my instrument. For those unfamiliar, that's like running a marathon after vegging on a cruise for a month and residing close to the buffet. I am a little nervous about this one.:-) That and there is BUNKO tomorrow night. Fun game - plus there are drinks/food and a chance to win a little moolah. Never hurts.
Happy Friday.
Here's is a little of what happened though.
Best news of today - Christian is one day down with no hair pulling. This is BIG news. I was so happy for him and proud of him I treated him to his own Starbucks. ( who gives a 6 year old Starbucks? Uh, that would be me. Besides, I am amused when he orders himself a kids decaf mocha with no whipped cream. Give him keys and a briefcase and he's ready for the work force) Today, he agreed that he and I would share a drink and he requested a piece of pumpkin loaf in exchange. Fair enough.
This is much better after yesterday, which was a day of trauma for him. I had given him the "rice ball" to play with in class, but had not notified his teacher about it.It's not good to send a child with something that resembles a plaything and not let a teacher know what it's function is or why he has it in class. Well, this rice ball was enjoyed by several in the class including 2 girls. One of these girls ( account according to Christian) said that the ball was hers and that she made it. Christian contested, but he is not the confrontational type. Then when "Susie II" chimed in agreeing with her friend, Christian surrendered.
Later on that day, I happened to bump into his class in a main corridor. They were headed to gym and I was on the way back from yet another meeting. I saw his eyebrow was all red. We spoke and he told me he had pulled again. I asked why and he started to ball. He then shared the "rice ball incident". After calming down a little, he headed to PE and I headed to his teacher to give him the low down on the current situation and explain the rice ball. Teacher was very understanding ( he's a great guy for 1st graders). Last night, I made another rice ball and put his name on it. So, for today victory in round 1. One day at a time.
Work was fine. Nothing much to note...... no pun intended.
Home - ok, there is this game that we have on the PC called Loco. ( short for locomotive) In this low tech game, you have to shoot colored objects into the matching spots of a moving train. It sounds easy but it's a little bit of a pisser for me. I think there are 15 levels. It has taken me 5 darn days to get from 13-14. This is why I am scared to discover all this WII or PS2 -3 - whatever business. I just don't have that much time to play a game. And heaven forbid I actually like it. A student offered to have me listen to a soundtrack from one of his handheld PS something machines. The music to the closing credits was certainly impressive, but not so much as the graphics. What the hell? It was like watching a mini movie. I must sound like I am from the stone ages, but these gaming systems absolutely amaze me. And then when I actually try to play them.... I miss Pong :-).
The future - I am supposed to play a performance on Sunday. This is after taking almost 3 weeks off my instrument. For those unfamiliar, that's like running a marathon after vegging on a cruise for a month and residing close to the buffet. I am a little nervous about this one.:-) That and there is BUNKO tomorrow night. Fun game - plus there are drinks/food and a chance to win a little moolah. Never hurts.
Happy Friday.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Ahh, a Tuesday that feels like a Monday
Nah, it wasn't really all that bad.
Meeting with several superiors and finding out all the things that have to be done and are being done with and without my knowledge that wasn't so great. This week is becoming the week o' meeting. Great.
Being this is finals week, the masses were in pretty good spirits for "band" class. I guess to them at least they weren't drilling for some major final. Well, some of them actually are as we have to do a scale profeciency test - can you play the scales we've learned in class. In order to accomplish this with a little fun (maybe) I have twisted the "Deal or No Deal" game to serve my purposes. Although I caught guff for it at first, I think we have all come to like it.
There is a tack board with 16 briefcases (note cards) on it. In these briefcases there is the letter name of a scale they have to play. They must play a total of 2 scales. To begin, the students get to choose 2 and I choose one. They open their first case and decide if they want to keep it. If no, they can trade for mine. If yes, they keep it then open case 2 and decide if they want to keep that one or trade. We then see if the have made a good deal. To add a little spice, there are 3 "no scale" cards on the board. If a student draws one of these, they get full credit on a scale without playing it. These have been the coveted cards.... I mean briefcases.
All in all not a bad instructional day. I think the worst of it came as I needed to stand out in this subartic weather for afternoon carpool. It's not terrible. Most people are fairly nice and most have created a staggered time of when to pick up their children avoiding most of the car traffic onslaught. Only one or two whiny, mouthy folks today. I'll take freezing temps over mean people any day.
Other than that, Christian is still pulling out his hair. It's a little at a time, but still worrisome. My sister used to roll paper into balls with her fingers as a nervous past time. Christian seem to prefer the route of hair removal. I took him to the doctor for this. The summary - he is anxious by nature and more than likely, with the divorce, that isn't going to improve. I have to try and modify his behavior so that his first line of attack isn't his hair. Instead his attention will be directed to a "ball" I made of balloons and rice...a stress ball if you will. Hopefully this can engage his nervous energy rather than his eyelashes and eyebrows.If this worsens or goes into other areas like aggression or withdrawal, I will take him to a child therapist and last resort, medication for anxiety. I am hoping and praying this doesn't head in that direction.
Tomorrow begins the rounds of meetings at 7:15 am. Can't wait. Thank goodness this is only a four day work week. :-)
Number next.....
Meeting with several superiors and finding out all the things that have to be done and are being done with and without my knowledge that wasn't so great. This week is becoming the week o' meeting. Great.
Being this is finals week, the masses were in pretty good spirits for "band" class. I guess to them at least they weren't drilling for some major final. Well, some of them actually are as we have to do a scale profeciency test - can you play the scales we've learned in class. In order to accomplish this with a little fun (maybe) I have twisted the "Deal or No Deal" game to serve my purposes. Although I caught guff for it at first, I think we have all come to like it.
There is a tack board with 16 briefcases (note cards) on it. In these briefcases there is the letter name of a scale they have to play. They must play a total of 2 scales. To begin, the students get to choose 2 and I choose one. They open their first case and decide if they want to keep it. If no, they can trade for mine. If yes, they keep it then open case 2 and decide if they want to keep that one or trade. We then see if the have made a good deal. To add a little spice, there are 3 "no scale" cards on the board. If a student draws one of these, they get full credit on a scale without playing it. These have been the coveted cards.... I mean briefcases.
All in all not a bad instructional day. I think the worst of it came as I needed to stand out in this subartic weather for afternoon carpool. It's not terrible. Most people are fairly nice and most have created a staggered time of when to pick up their children avoiding most of the car traffic onslaught. Only one or two whiny, mouthy folks today. I'll take freezing temps over mean people any day.
Other than that, Christian is still pulling out his hair. It's a little at a time, but still worrisome. My sister used to roll paper into balls with her fingers as a nervous past time. Christian seem to prefer the route of hair removal. I took him to the doctor for this. The summary - he is anxious by nature and more than likely, with the divorce, that isn't going to improve. I have to try and modify his behavior so that his first line of attack isn't his hair. Instead his attention will be directed to a "ball" I made of balloons and rice...a stress ball if you will. Hopefully this can engage his nervous energy rather than his eyelashes and eyebrows.If this worsens or goes into other areas like aggression or withdrawal, I will take him to a child therapist and last resort, medication for anxiety. I am hoping and praying this doesn't head in that direction.
Tomorrow begins the rounds of meetings at 7:15 am. Can't wait. Thank goodness this is only a four day work week. :-)
Number next.....
Rescind
If anyone reads this other than me, I deleted a previous post because it was more of a diary entry anyway. If this were like a mass publication read by readers who were totally autonomous from me, then it might be ok to share somethings. But, considering the potential viewing pool, some things need to stay on the "down low" :-)
Besides, sometimes I think feelings are shared when they've reached a boiling/ freezing point - the cause not always being able to be pinpointed to one specific event or person. And although the event referred to may have been part if the ignition, but was not the sole cause and should not have been put in the place I had it. Special days need to stay special....even in retrospect. My own rule :-)
Today, is jazz band. 7am in the freakin' morning jazz band. But, my students make it ok. We are working on the Stevie Wonder tune Superstition. Man is it hard, but they are doing a great job with it. The trombones are on high Z sharp and the saxes have these crazy hard rhythms. But then we do Satin Doll and all complain that it's a little lame. Tough crowd. We've worn out the Queen medley and Funkytown though :-)
Looking forward to a "long" day at work and a morning Starbucks. Thank goodness for Starbucks.
Besides, sometimes I think feelings are shared when they've reached a boiling/ freezing point - the cause not always being able to be pinpointed to one specific event or person. And although the event referred to may have been part if the ignition, but was not the sole cause and should not have been put in the place I had it. Special days need to stay special....even in retrospect. My own rule :-)
Today, is jazz band. 7am in the freakin' morning jazz band. But, my students make it ok. We are working on the Stevie Wonder tune Superstition. Man is it hard, but they are doing a great job with it. The trombones are on high Z sharp and the saxes have these crazy hard rhythms. But then we do Satin Doll and all complain that it's a little lame. Tough crowd. We've worn out the Queen medley and Funkytown though :-)
Looking forward to a "long" day at work and a morning Starbucks. Thank goodness for Starbucks.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
First girl traumas
This has been one the hardest things to witness in my son's growing up.
He, in first grade, already has this thing for having female admirers, sometimes called girlfriends. They aren't girlfriends in the 13 year old and up sense, but girlfriends none the less. His father says Christian takes after him. The humor of that is stifling.
I think he's a good catch because he's a little more gentle and sensitive than the other boys. I don't know how that bodes for the future, but all the same. He's not a rough and tumble guy. Not a fan of dodge ball or 'war' games. Likes board games and his computer. Because he actually checks to see if people are ok and yells at kids who push, he's a little different mold for a 6 year old. Fart jokes and potty humor still apply, but after meeting a few more 6 year olds, I see that's programmed for the age.
He started his dating career with Morgan, a girl from his after school daycare that keeps trying to kiss him. Ugh !!! Where am I sending this kid? And here his dad is telling him to "get some". What class!!! :-(. Christian, much to my relief, says that kisses are gross, but hugs are ok. Thank God!!!! At what age does that perception change from guys?? ( or does it depend on the girl ;-) )
Then, this past Saturday, we went to one of his classmate's birthday parties where many of the students from his class were. One of these students was Holly, a very cute little blond headed girl. Christian and she paled around for most of the party. At the end of the party, he asked for her number. Where does he get this stuff ??? Her mom was there and thought it was cute, so I didn't stop it. Christian asked when he could call and mom replied late afternoon as they went to church and wouldn't be home until then.
Today, he played computer and watched the phone. Every half hour he asked what time it was although he can read time perfectly well himself. So, the time came to call and he did. (I wish I had those guts.Have you ever just tried to figure out what you'd say only to mess it all up when you called anyway? He seemed to have none of that anxiety) Her big sister was home and reported that everyone else was out. Uh-oh. He waited a few hours and called again and still, they were not home.
Christian was upset merely for the fact that he had promised to call and felt that he had not fulfilled his promise by not talking to her. My heart was in my throat thinking that here he was getting blown off. Now, _this_ would be following in his dad's footsteps. Sorry if that sounds cruel, but even he wouldn't deny it. Heck, I'll throw my footsteps in the gene pool too.
I do realize that being a first grader, provided he was getting blown off, this "whatever" will resolve itself in a matter of weeks if not days. I know that, but I can't help but being a little sad. He, on the other hand, is oblivious. This may be part of the problem, but is very good for this first grader and will most likely be his saving grace too. Understanding too much too soon.... baaaaddd.
I think everyone has an idea of what dads think when their girls become involved in mixed gender relationships, but I had no clue what a mom feels like for a son. I think my son is the cat's meow ( not to say that I'm not fully aware he has faults) AND I know nothing in first grade is leading to the alter (or I sure hope not). But seeing my very tender hearted boy even possibly get hurt by this is crushing. Even in first grade. Crap. What is going to happen in 4th, 7th, 9th and 11th grades? Maybe he won't be so tender hearted and go into these things for other reasons. (Ok. Not thinking like that.) But to see your son actually get hurt or potentially get hurt in these matters is..... heartwrenching.
I guess dads go into these things with baseball bats and moms go in with tissues and reasons to tell the girl of the hour to eat dirt for hurting her son. The verbiage gets stronger with more advanced ages mind you.
This could get complicated. Thank goodness it's only first grade and the only things at stake are invitations to birthday parties and play dates. Perhaps we can pass all this and call them play "casual get togethers"? Too much, I know.
May they all just eat Play-Do, pop heads off of figurines, and push each other down on the way to the swing forever. Handholding?? Only if you are arm wrestling.
He, in first grade, already has this thing for having female admirers, sometimes called girlfriends. They aren't girlfriends in the 13 year old and up sense, but girlfriends none the less. His father says Christian takes after him. The humor of that is stifling.
I think he's a good catch because he's a little more gentle and sensitive than the other boys. I don't know how that bodes for the future, but all the same. He's not a rough and tumble guy. Not a fan of dodge ball or 'war' games. Likes board games and his computer. Because he actually checks to see if people are ok and yells at kids who push, he's a little different mold for a 6 year old. Fart jokes and potty humor still apply, but after meeting a few more 6 year olds, I see that's programmed for the age.
He started his dating career with Morgan, a girl from his after school daycare that keeps trying to kiss him. Ugh !!! Where am I sending this kid? And here his dad is telling him to "get some". What class!!! :-(. Christian, much to my relief, says that kisses are gross, but hugs are ok. Thank God!!!! At what age does that perception change from guys?? ( or does it depend on the girl ;-) )
Then, this past Saturday, we went to one of his classmate's birthday parties where many of the students from his class were. One of these students was Holly, a very cute little blond headed girl. Christian and she paled around for most of the party. At the end of the party, he asked for her number. Where does he get this stuff ??? Her mom was there and thought it was cute, so I didn't stop it. Christian asked when he could call and mom replied late afternoon as they went to church and wouldn't be home until then.
Today, he played computer and watched the phone. Every half hour he asked what time it was although he can read time perfectly well himself. So, the time came to call and he did. (I wish I had those guts.Have you ever just tried to figure out what you'd say only to mess it all up when you called anyway? He seemed to have none of that anxiety) Her big sister was home and reported that everyone else was out. Uh-oh. He waited a few hours and called again and still, they were not home.
Christian was upset merely for the fact that he had promised to call and felt that he had not fulfilled his promise by not talking to her. My heart was in my throat thinking that here he was getting blown off. Now, _this_ would be following in his dad's footsteps. Sorry if that sounds cruel, but even he wouldn't deny it. Heck, I'll throw my footsteps in the gene pool too.
I do realize that being a first grader, provided he was getting blown off, this "whatever" will resolve itself in a matter of weeks if not days. I know that, but I can't help but being a little sad. He, on the other hand, is oblivious. This may be part of the problem, but is very good for this first grader and will most likely be his saving grace too. Understanding too much too soon.... baaaaddd.
I think everyone has an idea of what dads think when their girls become involved in mixed gender relationships, but I had no clue what a mom feels like for a son. I think my son is the cat's meow ( not to say that I'm not fully aware he has faults) AND I know nothing in first grade is leading to the alter (or I sure hope not). But seeing my very tender hearted boy even possibly get hurt by this is crushing. Even in first grade. Crap. What is going to happen in 4th, 7th, 9th and 11th grades? Maybe he won't be so tender hearted and go into these things for other reasons. (Ok. Not thinking like that.) But to see your son actually get hurt or potentially get hurt in these matters is..... heartwrenching.
I guess dads go into these things with baseball bats and moms go in with tissues and reasons to tell the girl of the hour to eat dirt for hurting her son. The verbiage gets stronger with more advanced ages mind you.
This could get complicated. Thank goodness it's only first grade and the only things at stake are invitations to birthday parties and play dates. Perhaps we can pass all this and call them play "casual get togethers"? Too much, I know.
May they all just eat Play-Do, pop heads off of figurines, and push each other down on the way to the swing forever. Handholding?? Only if you are arm wrestling.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Must sleep, but don't want to.
I type this as I should be going to bed, since tomorrow is my first day back to work since before Christmas. With all the snow and family excitement, it hasn't been all that a relaxing break, but I guess I am ready to go back and meet my adolescent prisoners and beat them into submission. More accurately, they may beat me to declare defeat, but I digress. :-)
One of the many things that I learned or remembered over this break is that I am a night owl by nature. (another is that I am strongly inclined to procrastinate, but I'll share those revelations another time.) I do love a good sunrise and the beauty of the early morning, it's the getting out of bed part I'm not all that fond of. - not to mention the shock of the freezing air. The alarm clock knows it has a minimum of 3 rings before I have any significant response. My preference ( as I got to explore over break) is to sleep in until around 10 ( or later if the little guy is camping out with his grandparents) noodle around for an hour or so and then get moving in attempts to be productive - or at least appear to be. Then I can keep cranking until about 12-2, especially if something has caught my interest.
So here am at 11:15pm, fully aware of the fact that I need to wake up around 5:30 for a grandiose school day and I am in no way sleepy. Great :-(
I used to have the ability go to sleep at 1 and get up at 6 and be okay for the day. I could do that for at least a week. Those days, sadly, have passed. I can still do it on the short term when necessary, but only if I can guarantee a period of hibernation shortly after and with no guarantee of being anything close to sociable. I know - what a charmer.
So there are my sleep whoas being used to help me procrastinate actually getting into bed to attempt to sleep. It's truly a vicious cycle. :-)
One of the many things that I learned or remembered over this break is that I am a night owl by nature. (another is that I am strongly inclined to procrastinate, but I'll share those revelations another time.) I do love a good sunrise and the beauty of the early morning, it's the getting out of bed part I'm not all that fond of. - not to mention the shock of the freezing air. The alarm clock knows it has a minimum of 3 rings before I have any significant response. My preference ( as I got to explore over break) is to sleep in until around 10 ( or later if the little guy is camping out with his grandparents) noodle around for an hour or so and then get moving in attempts to be productive - or at least appear to be. Then I can keep cranking until about 12-2, especially if something has caught my interest.
So here am at 11:15pm, fully aware of the fact that I need to wake up around 5:30 for a grandiose school day and I am in no way sleepy. Great :-(
I used to have the ability go to sleep at 1 and get up at 6 and be okay for the day. I could do that for at least a week. Those days, sadly, have passed. I can still do it on the short term when necessary, but only if I can guarantee a period of hibernation shortly after and with no guarantee of being anything close to sociable. I know - what a charmer.
So there are my sleep whoas being used to help me procrastinate actually getting into bed to attempt to sleep. It's truly a vicious cycle. :-)
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