Today... more snow. Ugh !!! I like snow, don't misunderstand. But last year here, there were days you could wear a short sleeved shirt and be comfy. These days, I can't get up the driveway due to the ice and snow.... and lack of 4 wheeled drive.
Speaking of that, my irritation level shot through the roof once again due to the residential situation. Maybe I need to push up my move out date? The last 2 or 3 snowfalls, I have done most of the shoveling. Not a big deal, since I am the one that likes to go out and it's ok exercise. Today, I felt like being a little bit rebellious. After making sure that the bathrooms were in good shape, dishes and the laundry done, I was a little lazy. Sure the garbage can needed to be emptied, but I am not the only adult living in the house. I asked if he would take care of it, and he said he would. I left mid afternoon... well, around 1:45 for my performance. I knew I should have touched up the driveway, but like I said, I opted not too.
At about 5, I met the family ( his family and Christian) at a pizza parlor for dinner. Afterwards I drove Ken and I home. ( note that his dad drove them all there... in his 4x4 Highlander.... man I like that car)
As I started slipping like crazy
I said aloud, "I might have a little trouble getting to work tomorrow"
His reply "Man, I'm not looking forward to shoveling tomorrow".
Thinking he might be shoveling in the early am and I could help,
Me: " What time to you go to work tomorrow?"
Him, " I don't"
Me: "Guess I should have shoveled today, but I'm getting a little sick of shovelling. Might have a little trouble since the car gets stuck easy" ( honesty mixed with a passive aggressive complaint)
Him: ( this from the guy who had read the paper and watched football ALL day) "No big deal. Don't worry about getting out. It's mostly the powder stuff. I'll get to it later tomorrow"
(I interpreted that as...."Yup. Didn't shovel today cause I didn't need to. And I don't have to because you getting out safely or smoothly to work couldn't concern me less)
So as I attempt to get up the driveway... no luck. I got stuck 1/2 way. After trying a few more times to make it and growing more irritated with every try, I slam the car into gear and throw the break up, shut down the car and, probably a little too loud, announce, "Looks like a great time to shovel" His dad offered to get my car in the garage which both insulted and torked me as I just wanted to reply, "Nope. I can actually pull a car into a garage when the driveway is semi-clear. But _I_ didn't take care of that. Why don't you ask your son why he didn't? And why are YOU asking to pull my car in? That'd be a nice gesture, oh, from him. Why don't you just tell your boy to get off his MF ass and DO SOMETHING!!!!"
So, I head into the house, still steaming, to change from my concert shoes filled with snow from the driveway to change into my boots. My mother in law asked me to retrieve one of Christian's lunchboxes and hats for their house. Sure, whatever I can do to serve. Still steaming, I go into the house. Refusing to untie one boot, I attempt to shove my foot into it. Wasn't going so well. And, perhaps you have a similar experience when your fuse is fried and yet something else isn't proceeding as desired. I start lightly cursing, knowing Christian is outside and that I will have a fit of rage if something doesn't get out. And then, not yet 1 minute after asking, but most likely innocuously enough (but my feathers were way too ruffled to not infer) my current mother in law (a women who won't drive 10 miles at night and had NEVER touched a shovel in her life) follows me into the house checking on whether I got the lunchbox and hat. I said I would, and I will. I gave her the stuff and they proceeded home...thank goodness. The saddest/ greatest part is when Christian ( 6 YEAR OLD CHRISTIAN) gets his little shovel and starts to clear the driveway. I am so greatful for our little boy. But emotionally, the damage had been done. I wanted to beat the snot out of "the bum" of the house.... or run away.
I have to get out of this house. All of Ken's traits that anger or irritate me have transcended the house, and the way I feel about them I project onto other people. I can't handle getting blown off a little bit, have a hard time with judgmental people, and am just plain on edge with everything. Besides that, I can't juggle all the things work, home and child related AND try to cover the things I didn't think I needed to handle - like a cable bill in MY name that goes unpaid because I was told someone else would handle it. I guess that's like the garbage that is still in the kitchen because I asked someone else to take it out. I hope a change in environment will help.... Either that or I need a whole freaking pool of Calgon.
On a little bit of an upper, the gig went ok. I made it through without any noticeable splats and had a semblance of face at the end. It was with a new group, so it's always good to make a favorable impression. Yeah.
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