What should it look like??

It seems that I am currently stuck on philosophizing about relationships. ( due to this, it may also be concluded that perhaps I am currently overly hormonal) I am doing this more to hear myself "think aloud" if you would... not necessarily for any reader to find agreement with my thoughts. It's more to see if I agree with myself in a month.... or perhaps even tomorrow.

Due to events and discussions yesterday, and today, I was prompted to write the previous entry. No one person created the desire to do so. It was more a cumulative effect.

But after talking about the perfect fit and investment, I now wonder, what is it supposed to look like? What really works and what is a prescribed disaster for failure? Is relationship based more on attitude than it is on compatibility?

This may sound a little strange, but I learn about these things through observation. I see and hear about other's situations and then draw my own conclusions. This may not be the best method as I am drawing conclusions on experiences that aren't my own.

Let me here state that I feel there are many similarities between the friendship and the marriage concept. So, just because I discuss marriage a lot, doesn't mean that is my entire focus. But I do believe that successful marriage and friendship are two inseparable concepts.

I have seen married couples survive the 10-50 year anniversaries. I see things I like and things I don't. I definitely see the evolution of a superior party to a submissive one. It's funny that in most of the longer lasting relationships, many times the more dominate party is the female. All who have been willing to discuss this say it doesn't often start that way.

But what I want to know is, how did it get that way? Are they happy with that? Are they unhappy and don't talk about it?

What do you talk about and what don't you?

Conversely, I've seen the couples married for a period of time but resembling anything but a couple. This is not a model I care to replicate.

Are expectations created per relationship or are they predetermined, like a job application and the person who matches the criteria best wins the gig?

I have expectations, but am now wondering if they are unreasonable, unattainable, or simply impossible. Or perhaps, they are obtainable, but not instantaneously.

Here are a few:

I would want in any relationship for someone to do for me in proportion to how I do for them.... within their ability level.
(Even now, that sounds pretty self centered, but let me see if I can rationalize that statement to make it sound better.) I will do as I am able for my friend and would like to know the same might be relied upon. I don't like attending 10 performances of a friend because they asked that I be there for them not to attend 1 something that I'd either like support or company for. An "all take and no give" relationship is not one that I'm into.

I would like to feel, if not know, that the enjoyment of each other's company is reciprocal.
There are people I like to hang out with and there are people I don't. I just hope that the people I like spending time with my enjoy spending time with me. I think that is a sentiment that can be shared by almost everyone.

I would like for a friend to request to spend time with a friend.
This doesn't have to be directly proportional and it shouldn't, but effort on both ends I think is best. I feel badly as I have 2 friends/acquaintances in which the balance of this is severely skued. One which asks me to do things often to whom I have not returned the favor as often and one who has never initiated a get together, yet will entertain my suggestion.

For the one, I don't wish to be a burden to them as I know that scheduling can be very complicated. It has been brought to my attention that I have upset this friend by not requesting their company and that is upsetting to me as that is not/was never my intent.

As for the other, I feel a total burden. I feel this friend indulges my requests as a favor to me but leaves the impression the time offers no benefit to them. This must be why they never solicit. I cannot reconcile this feeling and on occasion it makes me a little bitter. Is that justified? I haven't decided.

And then there are those who ask me to join them and I perpetually find reason not to as I don't want to. I feel hypocritical saying that and speaking of friend/acquaintance #2. At least he/she shows up.

Mutually beneficial. It think that is a brief summary of what I am trying to get across here... maybe.

This is only a little bit but I am too tired to type anything else right now. And if I hate this post, I can always delete it ;-)