4 am - Am I a narcissist?

This writing thing may not be the solution I had hoped. I wrote last night. Wanted to write about a few things really, but was more tired to be productive. Had more thoughts reagrding my unsettled situation and wanted to text to apologize. Again. Then thought writing nothing was better as that's what I have been met with. Went to bed. It's important to know that I LOVE sleep! I mean adore it. It's my peace, my think zone, my imagination space - oh, it's all the things. I love it! So, when my brain wakes me at 3:30am, this pisses me off. I do what so many people do, I open FB and check out the scene. What comes up? Posts on narcissism. Oh geez. So now, I wonder, am I a narcissist? I don't want to be.( at this moment I am reading how many times I have written "I") Well, damn it. I'll keep mindful of this. I truly don't want this attribute. Can I identify one? I mean, can I see what is or do I change perception to what I want it to be? I know selfish people. I know people who have selfish tendancies. I know I can be selfish. But that doesn't make one narcissistic, does it? Self care is such a catch phrase currently, but where does the line between self care and self adoration fall? I was raised by a care taker. Not just a parent but a person who defined themselves by their ability and their need to take care of people. This has taken some place in me. It can be burdesome to be needed, but,it can be nice to be wanted/needed as well. For me, I think it is necessary. Note to self - explore Yin/yang and read "A Purpose Driven Life" In this desire to be wanted, how do you offer yourself without beating people with your avaialibility? Or, how do you fill that desire yourself when you are not needed or wanted? I think part of that question extends to the parent with adult children. Your role changes - how does one naviagte that? How much do you share and how much do you keep to yourself? This thought of hope came up too. One post said that the biggest weapon again a narcissist was silence. Well, double damn. That is what what is hurtung me right now. Is that true? Does that make me a narcissist? I don't want to know things to have any control over another. I want to be a help, a burden sharer, an assist in processing, a sounding board, a friend. I desire mutual exchange. I want to be recognized, in some capacity as a person. I guess, I want to have a value so as to not be so easily dismissed. Is that wanting too much? ( no sarcasm in that question) Is that being a narcissist? When needs/wants/ expectations aren't met, is the proper course of action to cease and desist? Cut and run? Cauterize the relationship? I don't want to. I don't think I ever want to take that course of action. My ex made that choice a little easier as I lost signifigant respect for them via a multitude of, what I considered to be, really poor decisions. That and, they made decisions that affected so many without counsel or consult. Once again, lack of communication harmed things. But, if he ever reached out, I would be accessible.... to a point. I don't want to be a narcissist. I really want to be a good person ( mentally, spiritually, socially - physically may need more attention) and really don't like that feeling that I have done something not kosher. I'll keep exploring this. But, it's time to get ready for work. May sleep come better this evening!!! Fingers crossed. Next topic - hope: blessing or curse.