Change - and passive aggressiveness

Mood - It's a down day

Change - it's inevitable, right? But in some cases, I don't like it. That proably comes across as an over simplification, however, I don't think that makes it any less true.

I specifically don't like change when it comes to my interactions with other people. Let me be more clear - I don't like negative change when it comes to my interactions with other people.

I wish there were more clarity in handling these than there is.

Examples, you lose contact with friends from college - hate that
A situation strains your relationship with coworkers and their is no immediate resolution is sight
What seemed to be a promising friendship takes a nose dive for unknown reasons
Etc.

You get the picture. How do other people handle these things? In the past, I had just let time take care of it and, many times, the result was never close to what I had wanted... not meaning the result wasn't best, but many times I feel it could have been better. In the last year or so, I have tried to disclose more and get more information so as to try and navigate these situations. Sadly, I have to admit that isn't working so great either. Again clarification; with my students and coworkers it really has. The honesty is the best policy saying seems to be accurate here. In matters where "I" seem to me more invested, honesty is more difficult, sometimes unwise, and when given, seems to be rebuffed or makes the other party totally uncomfortable and non communicative. My current situation at home is the most pervasive here, but (as my life seems to model) history does, has, and will repeat itself in other places.

I still feel that honesty is the best policy, but it is hard to decide how to proceed when you don't have total honesty on the other side of the fence. It is near impossible to move your chess piece when you can't even guess the moves or their reasons from your joining player. I guess that is why both players can see the board. When you don't know where the other person is coming from, all that can be done is speculation and that...... oh forget about it. When it comes to people I see in a positive way, I speculate what "I want" to be true, not always accurately perceiving the subtle signs that are being given, or failing to perceive those signs in the negative light in which they are being given. When I perceive people poorly, I tend to think in the opposite manner.

The post about the "truth" is a total display of passive aggressive because I was upset. I didn't have anywhere to put that so I put it here. I don't know if it was wrong as it incriminates no one, but, it's not exactly "handling" a situation either. I don't know if I can or even should handle it. I know that I miss something I once thought there was and have to convince myself to stop trying to recreate it.

My place on the totem pole has been carved and I just seem unwilling to see it.

Perhaps that isn't change, but an earlier misplacing of the place on the totem pole. That one is true in the house. You can't really know where you stand until someone "shows" you. Then, I guess, that is really more accurate than anything someone could say, isn't it? And once that place is learned, the import of what you say is directly related to it.

I know change can be good, but damn if it doesn't hurt like hell. I wish I knew how to better handle change.

I'll believe things will improve soon. I kinda have to. I'm not sure how to accomplish that yet, but I'll figure something out.

As for today, there aren't many other directions to look.