Today is just a quick check in.
Topic 1 - found out a few days ago a friend of mine has just begun the process of divorce. It's different being on the other side of this. I mean you never know all of someone else's situation. In this case, the female had made passing remarks,but, anyone who is or has been married know you talk shit every now and again. I mean, no relationship is pooping rainbows. But, I had thought it was just blowing smoke. Then, I find out from the man in a strangely timed, off the cuff mention, that his soon to be ex-wife had done something.
Wow! I had no idea. I asked if this was a surprize to him. He said no, not too much since she had been caught cheating 3 years ago. Again, wow. I know that happens and I know there are all kind of reasons for it. But.... this had been a repeat offender. And they had worked on this - so he says. But, damn. 3 kids deep.
My heart hurts for this guy, but again, I only know the one side. It's the cheating that I can't reconcile. There are different motivations for cheating, but, they are all cheating. Emotional cheating and physical intimacy cheating are the two I know of. Does society only think the physical side is the 'bad' one?? Do people every talk about the first before it evolves into the second?
If they are going to be recognized or ideally prevented, that only happens by open communication, right? If someone 'slips', that may be able to be recovered from, but not without a hell of a lot of work and rebuilding of communication and trust. Fear might totally crush that chance though..... or selfishness. I'm so sorry my friend is going through this right now. Really, I'm sorry for both of them, but I feel like the man was either in hopeful denial, or in total avoidance. This really sucks. It happens all the time, but that doesn't make the suck any less.
Topic 2 - a student shared their stress coming from their parental situation. This student has been removed from one parent for over a year. It's not clean whether this was by court decree or parent decision, but it has happened nonetheless. This is the anniversary of that year, and they are spirallign a bit. Then, the sibilings, who were residing with the other parent have come to live with the one this student has been residing with. And they are upset with themselves thinking this should just be an easy transition. Oh, friend - it's not.
A person's role in life is ever changing. I don't think I wondered about this much in my high school ( maybe even college) years. Live and do the things. That was life. But, we do have roles - one's we take upon ourselves and ones that are given to us by our situations. This poor student thinks that becoming the oldest sibling in the house, aka surrogate parent -whether anyone calls the eldest sibling that or not - is easy. Nope, it's not. Then to wonder what the parent expects or doesn't is a whole other ball game.
This kid hasn't had the hardest life, but certainly not the easiest either. I was so happy they dared to share any of this, and to share it with me. I proposed they speak with the school counselour as well, but, for this student to think that they had to handle this all by themselves, and that it shouldn't be that much to handle just guts me a little.
It's so wierd to think that in this "overconnected" world, people can feel more separated or alone than ever. And, even if not alone, there's a lot of crap in life, regardless. There's more to parcel out here, but it's a great reminder that, even in the greenest of lawns, you can always find poop in the yard. Here's hoping it becomes the fertilizer for stronger, better, wiser people and greater opportunity !! That's a good hope, right??
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