It's been a minute and some things have happened (as does in life, I guess)
I had been meaning to write for several days, but for some reason, I feel the need to be profound ( or attempt to when I write) For my students, I call it analysis paralysis. Yeah - screw that.
Books - back to this. I'm not a consumate reader by any stretch. I don't dislike reading, I just don't hunger for it either. I read by necessity or recommendation ( ok, WHY does blogger not have spell check?!?!?!) This attribute may be a shortcoming, but not one I feel handicapped by, it's just what it is. Happily my place of employment assigns reading. I'm pretty sure I'm 3/5 in completion so.... D's get degrees ( yes, even I am disappointed in my satification of mediocrity)
The last read was "Rescuing Socrates" by Roosevelt Montas. And, full disclosure, I audiobooked it versus reading ( even though I think i possess 2 hard copies) I loved this book and will read it again. I loved how the author loved learning and loved life... or maybe just greatly appreciates the journey of life. Learning and teaching oneself how to think via some of the great thinkers of the past. Yeah, it's pretty fascinating and I love discovering how people think and navigate life. It distracts me from solely evaluating how I'm doing myself.
So, this author came to school. He is an average height, latte skin colored, small framed man dressed impecibliy in what appears to be a nicely tailored blue suit and brown leather shoes. He looked like a consumate New Yorker, a well dressed businessman/ academic. But then, he spoke. Ok. I was enraptured. The man spoke so very poisedly without being forced or pretentious. You could feel his knowledge without him beating you into submission with it. He spoke about education being teaching one another how to think and discover life and truth, not to endoctrinate it. He spoke about servile education or education for servitude versus education for enlightenment. He also touched on practical real world applications of these notions and not simply the idealist philosophy of it all. Yup, I was in love.
that is a bit dramatic, but, in another sense, not really. He made me think and made it ok to think. To ask questions that make me uncomfortable and to know that such discomfort may be ok, if not necessary for understanding or growth... and/or change. I love that. I wanted to listen to him talk for longer than his time with us allowed. So, I decided to say 'hello and thank you". As I waited in queue, I was speaking to another colleague of mine, with a doctorate and a man I greatly respect. I was wading through all my thoughts, and was actually more overwhelemed with them than I had originally thought. My 'friend' offered me a distraction and a moment to recalibrate a bit. It's a weird feeling to realize you are thinking possibily important thoughts and configuring them into some semblance of order to not speak gibberish to a distriguished speaker, while simultaneously fangirling. Anyway, I shared some of my thoughts, and my colleague shared that completing his doctorate was his favorite degree because it was the one that changed him - or how he thought. That was super cool to hear and I want to hear more. My colleague offered an open inviation to lunch or coffee ( though he doesn't drink coffee) to discuss some of these things, which was a welcomed door.
It was my turn and, true to form, my head was dizzying. I thanked our speaker for coming and told him I had a few questions. My first was, he had mentioned doing classes/ seminars that weren't tied to the university where he teaches. I simply asked where and with what frequency. Though I don't visit NY often, i would look that up on my next visit. I then thanked him for sharing that he has a small circle of friends with whom he talks about some of these big life questions with. One question he asks is what those who have just completed their doctorates read after that. That shows a little of where their heart and passions lie. He reffered a book by a lady (who I believe he called a friend) "Lost in Thought" (which is now my current audiobook). I shared that this discussion he was leading is one I want to have, one I want to be a part of, knowing I will not be the biggest or most educated brain in the room, but having the opportunity and safety to have people to entertain the discussion with. I told him he was a person I would enjoy getting to know. Happily, he didn't rebuke the notion. I then asked him about margin as he had mentioned that. Margin - yeah, that's something I don't know that my current situation allows, but something I have to find. If you asked me what I did for fun, I would have a hard time answering you. It's not that I don't have enjoyment in my life, but I work in what is/was my passion. And, sadly, I do feel some burnout from it. He mentioned he's 51. Well, that's in my ballpark too. And, when he said that during his lecture, I teared up a bit. Why, I'm not entirely sure, but I did. I told him we were in proximity in age, and asked how he suggests to manage work, finance, life, aging parents and the unilitarian nature of life, while trying to find margin. He mentioned meditation as a timed margin - a planned margin. He has 2 younger children. But he shared that he too is managing a family, a martial relationship (which he mentioned has a reciprocity to it), work, aging parents, retirement and college plans for his children. Just him sharing that reminded me that every yard has it's manure - and it's flowers. And then he shared a Buddist? saying that "we are our companions in aging, illness, and death." It's so true. Not disparaging,just true.
I thanked him again for his time, and reached to shake his hand. He grabbed mine in both of his and thanked me for speaking with him.
And this is a moment in time that I will not get back, but that I will appreciate for what it was in that moment. My head connected, my soul, something connected with this special person. Not in a creepy or sexual or anything like that way, but something more special and intimate than that. A connection of mind. Even if it was not reciprocal, it was so special for me. Something I feel is so important. It's a thing ( I was going to write 'the' thing, but I don't think that is true) that I need in my life, for me. I need and want people to help me grow my mind and spirit, and I want to do the same for others... or at least try to. This is a fundamental need for me, and I think this is an important realization for me.
I spoke with a friend about this a little today and she said that she can count on one hand how many people she feels she has a relationship of mutuality with. She defined this as people who she knows who care about and invest into her as well as themselves in their interactions. I think I understood that correctly. It's the people who don't only hang out with you for their sake, but for your's as well. I don't think I am explaining that well, but I get it. I don't have very many of those people either. And now, the mission is to make sure to make time for those people - which can be more challenging than I think it should be.
And here, I stop as this could be an entirely different track, yet interwoven.
To all those, whether still in my life, or flashes in the pan that made me grow as a person in soul, in thought or both - thank you. For those I havn't met yet, I'm so looking forward to it!
Monday, February 17, 2025
Monday, February 10, 2025
Change your role or wait for someone to hand you a new script
Today is just a quick check in.
Topic 1 - found out a few days ago a friend of mine has just begun the process of divorce. It's different being on the other side of this. I mean you never know all of someone else's situation. In this case, the female had made passing remarks,but, anyone who is or has been married know you talk shit every now and again. I mean, no relationship is pooping rainbows. But, I had thought it was just blowing smoke. Then, I find out from the man in a strangely timed, off the cuff mention, that his soon to be ex-wife had done something.
Wow! I had no idea. I asked if this was a surprize to him. He said no, not too much since she had been caught cheating 3 years ago. Again, wow. I know that happens and I know there are all kind of reasons for it. But.... this had been a repeat offender. And they had worked on this - so he says. But, damn. 3 kids deep.
My heart hurts for this guy, but again, I only know the one side. It's the cheating that I can't reconcile. There are different motivations for cheating, but, they are all cheating. Emotional cheating and physical intimacy cheating are the two I know of. Does society only think the physical side is the 'bad' one?? Do people every talk about the first before it evolves into the second? If they are going to be recognized or ideally prevented, that only happens by open communication, right? If someone 'slips', that may be able to be recovered from, but not without a hell of a lot of work and rebuilding of communication and trust. Fear might totally crush that chance though..... or selfishness. I'm so sorry my friend is going through this right now. Really, I'm sorry for both of them, but I feel like the man was either in hopeful denial, or in total avoidance. This really sucks. It happens all the time, but that doesn't make the suck any less.
Topic 2 - a student shared their stress coming from their parental situation. This student has been removed from one parent for over a year. It's not clean whether this was by court decree or parent decision, but it has happened nonetheless. This is the anniversary of that year, and they are spirallign a bit. Then, the sibilings, who were residing with the other parent have come to live with the one this student has been residing with. And they are upset with themselves thinking this should just be an easy transition. Oh, friend - it's not.
A person's role in life is ever changing. I don't think I wondered about this much in my high school ( maybe even college) years. Live and do the things. That was life. But, we do have roles - one's we take upon ourselves and ones that are given to us by our situations. This poor student thinks that becoming the oldest sibling in the house, aka surrogate parent -whether anyone calls the eldest sibling that or not - is easy. Nope, it's not. Then to wonder what the parent expects or doesn't is a whole other ball game.
This kid hasn't had the hardest life, but certainly not the easiest either. I was so happy they dared to share any of this, and to share it with me. I proposed they speak with the school counselour as well, but, for this student to think that they had to handle this all by themselves, and that it shouldn't be that much to handle just guts me a little.
It's so wierd to think that in this "overconnected" world, people can feel more separated or alone than ever. And, even if not alone, there's a lot of crap in life, regardless. There's more to parcel out here, but it's a great reminder that, even in the greenest of lawns, you can always find poop in the yard. Here's hoping it becomes the fertilizer for stronger, better, wiser people and greater opportunity !! That's a good hope, right??
Topic 1 - found out a few days ago a friend of mine has just begun the process of divorce. It's different being on the other side of this. I mean you never know all of someone else's situation. In this case, the female had made passing remarks,but, anyone who is or has been married know you talk shit every now and again. I mean, no relationship is pooping rainbows. But, I had thought it was just blowing smoke. Then, I find out from the man in a strangely timed, off the cuff mention, that his soon to be ex-wife had done something.
Wow! I had no idea. I asked if this was a surprize to him. He said no, not too much since she had been caught cheating 3 years ago. Again, wow. I know that happens and I know there are all kind of reasons for it. But.... this had been a repeat offender. And they had worked on this - so he says. But, damn. 3 kids deep.
My heart hurts for this guy, but again, I only know the one side. It's the cheating that I can't reconcile. There are different motivations for cheating, but, they are all cheating. Emotional cheating and physical intimacy cheating are the two I know of. Does society only think the physical side is the 'bad' one?? Do people every talk about the first before it evolves into the second? If they are going to be recognized or ideally prevented, that only happens by open communication, right? If someone 'slips', that may be able to be recovered from, but not without a hell of a lot of work and rebuilding of communication and trust. Fear might totally crush that chance though..... or selfishness. I'm so sorry my friend is going through this right now. Really, I'm sorry for both of them, but I feel like the man was either in hopeful denial, or in total avoidance. This really sucks. It happens all the time, but that doesn't make the suck any less.
Topic 2 - a student shared their stress coming from their parental situation. This student has been removed from one parent for over a year. It's not clean whether this was by court decree or parent decision, but it has happened nonetheless. This is the anniversary of that year, and they are spirallign a bit. Then, the sibilings, who were residing with the other parent have come to live with the one this student has been residing with. And they are upset with themselves thinking this should just be an easy transition. Oh, friend - it's not.
A person's role in life is ever changing. I don't think I wondered about this much in my high school ( maybe even college) years. Live and do the things. That was life. But, we do have roles - one's we take upon ourselves and ones that are given to us by our situations. This poor student thinks that becoming the oldest sibling in the house, aka surrogate parent -whether anyone calls the eldest sibling that or not - is easy. Nope, it's not. Then to wonder what the parent expects or doesn't is a whole other ball game.
This kid hasn't had the hardest life, but certainly not the easiest either. I was so happy they dared to share any of this, and to share it with me. I proposed they speak with the school counselour as well, but, for this student to think that they had to handle this all by themselves, and that it shouldn't be that much to handle just guts me a little.
It's so wierd to think that in this "overconnected" world, people can feel more separated or alone than ever. And, even if not alone, there's a lot of crap in life, regardless. There's more to parcel out here, but it's a great reminder that, even in the greenest of lawns, you can always find poop in the yard. Here's hoping it becomes the fertilizer for stronger, better, wiser people and greater opportunity !! That's a good hope, right??
Friday, February 07, 2025
Adulting is hard - working version
Today - it is all state orchestra weekend. This is cool. A time to hang with colleagues, get crap done outside the classroom, and be on a college campus. ( Man I do love college campuses... but that is another topic)
Today, one of the discussion points was retirement. Hmm, retirement. What is that?? When do people actually plan for that? Is it only certain incomed people or professions that plan for that?
So the two persons who I was listening to ( particating tangentily) both are married. Both are educators married to educators, but one is active in personal and investment finance and real estate and the other married to a performer/ educator who is 15/20 years their elder.
It was good to hear this conversation, but I agree with the one party greatly - it feels overwhelming and, though I appreciate the need and value of it, I hate money. I hate the lack of it. I hate what it can do to people. Although, truth be told, I wouldn't object if a million fell in my lap either.
Another person I was speaking to ( another educator) was sharing how they were thinking they would take a year off of teaching. That they felt trapped in their job but didn't know what else to do. Trapped in the necessities of life ( no one can live in this state for 30K and be by yourself.) This person must be 10 years my junior, but I hear them all the same. It's that infernal question of "what's next?" along with "is this all there is?" and "what now?". I thought as you got older these questions had more answers, but now, I don't think so. My dad ( the cynic) says, " Once you get the answers, they change all the questions." Maybe he's correct?
Is this an age thing? A career thing? Or a 2025 thing?? No clue!!
But, at lunch today, a happy quirky thing - the directors I was sitting with sat next to like 7 guys pretty easy on the eyes and friendly. Since we were sitting at this high top long cafeteria style table, one could eavesdrop pretty inconspicuously. One of the guys said Outer Banks and Food Lion.OK - that was my opening. Got to talking about the east coast, Food Lion and Wegmans. This cracks me up. Long story short, these guys all work for the New Belgium Brewing company. Nothing but small talk and a good lunch came from it, but a fun time all the same.
Addition - Had to write this down for fear of forgetting it. IN the university performing arts center and went to use the restroom. All fine there but.... got stuck in the stall. The door lock broke. After 5 minutes of pushing and pulling the door, turning the lock, using my key to try to move the mini bolt, I made a status decision and.... army crawled underneath the door. I got out so, I'll call it a win. Army crawling out of the stall... well, that just checks out for my life ;-)
Today, one of the discussion points was retirement. Hmm, retirement. What is that?? When do people actually plan for that? Is it only certain incomed people or professions that plan for that?
So the two persons who I was listening to ( particating tangentily) both are married. Both are educators married to educators, but one is active in personal and investment finance and real estate and the other married to a performer/ educator who is 15/20 years their elder.
It was good to hear this conversation, but I agree with the one party greatly - it feels overwhelming and, though I appreciate the need and value of it, I hate money. I hate the lack of it. I hate what it can do to people. Although, truth be told, I wouldn't object if a million fell in my lap either.
Another person I was speaking to ( another educator) was sharing how they were thinking they would take a year off of teaching. That they felt trapped in their job but didn't know what else to do. Trapped in the necessities of life ( no one can live in this state for 30K and be by yourself.) This person must be 10 years my junior, but I hear them all the same. It's that infernal question of "what's next?" along with "is this all there is?" and "what now?". I thought as you got older these questions had more answers, but now, I don't think so. My dad ( the cynic) says, " Once you get the answers, they change all the questions." Maybe he's correct?
Is this an age thing? A career thing? Or a 2025 thing?? No clue!!
But, at lunch today, a happy quirky thing - the directors I was sitting with sat next to like 7 guys pretty easy on the eyes and friendly. Since we were sitting at this high top long cafeteria style table, one could eavesdrop pretty inconspicuously. One of the guys said Outer Banks and Food Lion.OK - that was my opening. Got to talking about the east coast, Food Lion and Wegmans. This cracks me up. Long story short, these guys all work for the New Belgium Brewing company. Nothing but small talk and a good lunch came from it, but a fun time all the same.
Addition - Had to write this down for fear of forgetting it. IN the university performing arts center and went to use the restroom. All fine there but.... got stuck in the stall. The door lock broke. After 5 minutes of pushing and pulling the door, turning the lock, using my key to try to move the mini bolt, I made a status decision and.... army crawled underneath the door. I got out so, I'll call it a win. Army crawling out of the stall... well, that just checks out for my life ;-)
Wednesday, February 05, 2025
Can't think of a title.....
Took some days off. Those days have been full though. Work..... ah,yes work. But I can't slam work too much, as apparently I have given a great deal of my life to it. I didn't plan to marry it, but I joke often ( probably for the truth in it) that I did.
Also, during these days, I have been trying to keep in touch with "my people". Has dinner with one of those people last night. Granted, I was ready to call it quits at about 6 last night, but, we had scheduled getting together a month ago. It was important to me, so, home and sleep needed to wait. And.. no regrets. My friend is in the thick of it, in a way I can only listen to and imagine. And this/ these life struggles have been persisting for over 2 years. And, to no fault of their own - really. It's heart wrenching. And has to wear a person down. But they are doing everything they can do and all the things one could think they should do. I'm not at liberties to share details, but when people say they are going through hell, this person truly is.
I can't do anything really to help them. No money or effort I can offer can change their circumstances. I know that, and I'm not a fan of that fact, but not overly angushed about it. If I could,I would. I know that. But, that's not on the table. But, it meant a great deal for me just to spend time with them. And I want them just to know I give a damn. I want to hear about these trials, if they are willing to share with me, because, I don't want them to feel alone. Happily, my friend validated this - because I'm questiong if that desire/ need is simply selfish or loving. In my 3/4 life crisis, I find myself wondering "Why am I doing what I'm doing?" "Am I right or is what I am doing for good?" When they thanked me for hanging out, I had to share this worry with my friend and they started to cry. (Didn't want that, but have learned when you are motiviated to cry.... just cry.) They shared that I am one of a very few that reaches out and that shows they care, and they were very appreciative. That made me tear up a little. I want my people to know and show them I care - simply because I do. The self serving bent is that's not solely for the people who I want to know and care about, but because it gives me purpose too. I want to be some Pooh bear's Piglet because that gives me purpose... and the hope there will be a PIglet there for me if I should need one. ( There's a cartoon reference there. I'd post, but I'm not that savvy and not spending that kind of time rn)
Another new friend? I had brunch with on Sunday. ( Did I write about that already??) She shared as life changed for her, after her divorce and her only child has headed to college - that one of her realizations was that she didn't want to do life alone. I heard that so loudly. And, for as much stress, anxiety, burden, frustration and simple energy draining activity that my job offers, it offers me purpose and social direction (more than not) and connection. I, sometimes, would love to make a change, but to what becomes the daunting question. I was talking to a coworker today and shared a thought I have often - the grass may look greener, but the realities are a) everything that grows needs furtilzer that stinks and b) there's poop in every yard. The questions are how much and do you know where it is? Life can be really crappy sometimes ;-)
FOMO - yup. The fear of F'ing it up - double yup. These two things aren't overly compatible. It's interesting and challenging as hell to navigate them in game play.
The next pondering - direction vs distraction. Those two are another yin/yang that I'm not sure I have a handle on.
What's next?? Yup - that's the real question. And, at the moment, I don't have a solid answer, save hopefully tomorrow.
Let's see what it brings.
Also, during these days, I have been trying to keep in touch with "my people". Has dinner with one of those people last night. Granted, I was ready to call it quits at about 6 last night, but, we had scheduled getting together a month ago. It was important to me, so, home and sleep needed to wait. And.. no regrets. My friend is in the thick of it, in a way I can only listen to and imagine. And this/ these life struggles have been persisting for over 2 years. And, to no fault of their own - really. It's heart wrenching. And has to wear a person down. But they are doing everything they can do and all the things one could think they should do. I'm not at liberties to share details, but when people say they are going through hell, this person truly is.
I can't do anything really to help them. No money or effort I can offer can change their circumstances. I know that, and I'm not a fan of that fact, but not overly angushed about it. If I could,I would. I know that. But, that's not on the table. But, it meant a great deal for me just to spend time with them. And I want them just to know I give a damn. I want to hear about these trials, if they are willing to share with me, because, I don't want them to feel alone. Happily, my friend validated this - because I'm questiong if that desire/ need is simply selfish or loving. In my 3/4 life crisis, I find myself wondering "Why am I doing what I'm doing?" "Am I right or is what I am doing for good?" When they thanked me for hanging out, I had to share this worry with my friend and they started to cry. (Didn't want that, but have learned when you are motiviated to cry.... just cry.) They shared that I am one of a very few that reaches out and that shows they care, and they were very appreciative. That made me tear up a little. I want my people to know and show them I care - simply because I do. The self serving bent is that's not solely for the people who I want to know and care about, but because it gives me purpose too. I want to be some Pooh bear's Piglet because that gives me purpose... and the hope there will be a PIglet there for me if I should need one. ( There's a cartoon reference there. I'd post, but I'm not that savvy and not spending that kind of time rn)
Another new friend? I had brunch with on Sunday. ( Did I write about that already??) She shared as life changed for her, after her divorce and her only child has headed to college - that one of her realizations was that she didn't want to do life alone. I heard that so loudly. And, for as much stress, anxiety, burden, frustration and simple energy draining activity that my job offers, it offers me purpose and social direction (more than not) and connection. I, sometimes, would love to make a change, but to what becomes the daunting question. I was talking to a coworker today and shared a thought I have often - the grass may look greener, but the realities are a) everything that grows needs furtilzer that stinks and b) there's poop in every yard. The questions are how much and do you know where it is? Life can be really crappy sometimes ;-)
FOMO - yup. The fear of F'ing it up - double yup. These two things aren't overly compatible. It's interesting and challenging as hell to navigate them in game play.
The next pondering - direction vs distraction. Those two are another yin/yang that I'm not sure I have a handle on.
What's next?? Yup - that's the real question. And, at the moment, I don't have a solid answer, save hopefully tomorrow.
Let's see what it brings.
Sunday, February 02, 2025
Balance vs baggage
Sunday - the day to try to get a hold of all the things that you have lost track of, that ran away, or simply fell off completely.
The conference is over and it was good. I did have a "well-shit" moment. Friday night, it is a tradition that a large group of directors go to a local german restaurant for dinner. I chose to go with a smaller contigent, but it was still very enjoyable. We pregamed at a brewery - it's super cool, it a multi-vendored brewery/ eatery that is housed in a renovated/ repurposed elementary school. Anyway, I shared a beer with my friend as it was the advanced hour of 7pm and I was already tired. And, most importantly, I had a friend willing to share!!
Our small party of four headed to dinner. When we arrived at the restaurant, ventured downstairs in the restaurant and said hello to all the people. I rejoined my party and ate 1/2 the meal ( saving me from grocery shopping this week) and throroughly enjoyed the company.
I asked another friend if they were coming (didn't see them) and they said plans had changed and were having drinks at the conference resort bar. I decided to pop in there after dinner. It was crowded as hell, loud, and full of faces that were 10-20 years my junior and many I didn't know. I did a lap, made the small talk, and decided to get the hell out of dodge. It was not a scene I wanted to be a part of that night... and that was a little bit of a sad first. In years past, I was able to sit at the bar or at a table and have nice ( though still loud) conversation with people I liked and respected. This year, I just didn't see these people (many just weren't there and/or have retired) and I didn't want to work that hard. It was a little surreal. It wasn't bad per se, just... different. And my friend and their associates were not there, so, that just added to the mix.
I have always wanted to go to a club in Vegas. Now, I wonder if I really want to....... I don't know. Maybe the right mood, right clothes, a little alcohol and an emergency exit plan still make that viable. Hmmmmm...... TBD
Today is chores. Got to have brunch with a really cool former band parent, did some small grocery shopping and saw a former colleague who is now handling a business fusion of womens' health, a B&B and a small meeting place/ convention center. This was fortuitous as I have been meaning to get on handling this stage of life with a little more structure. Hormones are a bitch. We connected and she is going to help with that.
Highest accomplishment today - I jumped my own battery. Yes, it was not really that hard, but, I had never done it myself before and was worried I would explode the battery.. or the car. But, I did it. And yes, I asked for help from someone who wasn't available first ;-).
Thoughts from today: 1.There are others redinfing their role in life - aka-somebody's mom or somebody's wife to simply somebody. It's good to hear about other's journies. 2. May need to fight with myself on the idea of dating. It 'might' be worth it. ( but, perhaps that's just easy for someone who's paired up to say)I may write about that internal argument sometime. 3.There's nothing wrong with only reading books on recommendation only ;-). 4. And a star thought today - learn the difference between balance and baggage - one keeps you grounded and one holds you back.
Back to laundry and meal prep.... and probably a nap. Here's to launching February!!
The conference is over and it was good. I did have a "well-shit" moment. Friday night, it is a tradition that a large group of directors go to a local german restaurant for dinner. I chose to go with a smaller contigent, but it was still very enjoyable. We pregamed at a brewery - it's super cool, it a multi-vendored brewery/ eatery that is housed in a renovated/ repurposed elementary school. Anyway, I shared a beer with my friend as it was the advanced hour of 7pm and I was already tired. And, most importantly, I had a friend willing to share!!
Our small party of four headed to dinner. When we arrived at the restaurant, ventured downstairs in the restaurant and said hello to all the people. I rejoined my party and ate 1/2 the meal ( saving me from grocery shopping this week) and throroughly enjoyed the company.
I asked another friend if they were coming (didn't see them) and they said plans had changed and were having drinks at the conference resort bar. I decided to pop in there after dinner. It was crowded as hell, loud, and full of faces that were 10-20 years my junior and many I didn't know. I did a lap, made the small talk, and decided to get the hell out of dodge. It was not a scene I wanted to be a part of that night... and that was a little bit of a sad first. In years past, I was able to sit at the bar or at a table and have nice ( though still loud) conversation with people I liked and respected. This year, I just didn't see these people (many just weren't there and/or have retired) and I didn't want to work that hard. It was a little surreal. It wasn't bad per se, just... different. And my friend and their associates were not there, so, that just added to the mix.
I have always wanted to go to a club in Vegas. Now, I wonder if I really want to....... I don't know. Maybe the right mood, right clothes, a little alcohol and an emergency exit plan still make that viable. Hmmmmm...... TBD
Today is chores. Got to have brunch with a really cool former band parent, did some small grocery shopping and saw a former colleague who is now handling a business fusion of womens' health, a B&B and a small meeting place/ convention center. This was fortuitous as I have been meaning to get on handling this stage of life with a little more structure. Hormones are a bitch. We connected and she is going to help with that.
Highest accomplishment today - I jumped my own battery. Yes, it was not really that hard, but, I had never done it myself before and was worried I would explode the battery.. or the car. But, I did it. And yes, I asked for help from someone who wasn't available first ;-).
Thoughts from today: 1.There are others redinfing their role in life - aka-somebody's mom or somebody's wife to simply somebody. It's good to hear about other's journies. 2. May need to fight with myself on the idea of dating. It 'might' be worth it. ( but, perhaps that's just easy for someone who's paired up to say)I may write about that internal argument sometime. 3.There's nothing wrong with only reading books on recommendation only ;-). 4. And a star thought today - learn the difference between balance and baggage - one keeps you grounded and one holds you back.
Back to laundry and meal prep.... and probably a nap. Here's to launching February!!
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