What's next?

Hello again,

As per usual, when I sit down to write, the organization of thought is less than orderly. ( shrug)

I didn't look to see the last time I wrote, but so much "life" has happened simply in the last calendar year. From friends passing away ( some foreseeable and some surprize), developments or not in professional circles, family "living" and just aging, there is really a lot going on. 

Again, and as usual, I have thoughts on most all of it, but then the analysis and reflection on those thoughts can sometimes create more anxiety and angst then orginal thoughts themselves. I don't know if that is "normal", a peri/menapause thing, another version of chemical imbalance, or just the run of the adventure of life. And no, not thinking on it is not a viable option... for me.

I am fortunate ( well, 88% of the tme) to get to work with people ages 12-70. From students to colleagues, I will alway count myself lucky to be able to meet some very, VERY incredible people. Age does not discriminate - talent, character, ethic, ( that's all I can think of at the moment). It can, I suppose, limit opportunity and perspective. I have met very kind hearted and intelligent teenagers and some real self righteous inanely ignorant adult assholes.

Ok, this is a digression. I just wanted to give credit where it is due.

In a career, I suppose it is the "right" thing or the recommended course, to have goals for experience and growth. Aagin, my luck is that I teach a subject that doesn't "rinse and repeat" like a book driven course or one with a hard plotted curriculum. On that flip side, doing this job, ( or maybe any job) for 20+ years can make it feel.... less variable and exciting ( sounds trite, I know)

In your 20's, the world is your oyster. One just tries to "make it" and find out what they can and want to do. In the 30's it's develop that career and possibly raise a family. In your 40's ( hmm..... i can't remember. Is that a repeat of the 30's, just better??) Post 40, I suppose it's to plan for the next decade or 2 of life -  Secure the finances, take care of the aging parents, support the adult children. Is it this possible train track that motivates the "midlife" crisis??

Does anyone else sometimes think the race of life is getting more challenging rather than hitting a pocket or stride?  I never expected life to get easier. I did think that I would get a little better at it though ;-)

(I may have written about this before) The former? Duke ladies bball team coach told her team, "Don't wait for the game/ life to get easier, because it doesn't. We just get better at doing hard things." Man, if that isn't a simultaneous smack in the face and a punch to the gut. I suppose that is true, if a person makes it so, but......(there always seems to a but) what if you get a little fatigued from all the hard??

As all of life is happening, from the inner circle to the spires that reach from it, what's next? How does one plan for what can be planned for, and release care and responsibility of what you don't know about, can't know about or just can't see coming ?

In a dialogue a while ago, some friends were talking about what the plans or desires were for a milestone birthday. That conversation did prompt my thinking of what I wanted to do and I've started doing some of those things. In doing so, I sometimes get caught in thinking if doing those things is totally selfish and/or serving something better? And or, sometimes there is a catch of doing it alone versus with others. That is a cost benefit analysis that seems to exist in a volatile market. - for me at least.

And then there is just FOMO. I believe FOMO can be justified as, this year has proven, the givens in life, well, just aren't.

Ugh. Life is good ( most of the time) but sometimes, it's just a wee bit confusing and fatiguing.

From people coming and going, living and dying, politics politicking, health and aging, uncertain economies, and Dolly Parton passing ...  honest to God.....what's next?!?!?!