Ok, Maybe not the most appropriate title for this entry but the best I could do at the moment.
I feel like I have so much to express, but am not happy with the incompleteness of the ideas or maybe just their potential fallibility. Dunno.
Part of this I feel goes back to my partial remembrance of a discussion had concerning relationships and sacrifice. I sometimes think so much in this arena, I fear that someday I may never want to explore a "deep" co-ed relationship because I burnt all my energy analyzing the simple institution. Other times, I simply conceed that maybe I'm too busy to worry with it anyway. And then, there are the times I realize how much I really want one. Insatiable, another personal issue to handle at some point, or find a person accepting of such a trait.... although at times even I find it hard to be.
I want to go back to that discussion with a more rational mind and listen more than talk - regardless of how much I agree or disagree at the time. I really want to hear a/the male perspective on such things as I live with a woman's one.
Although, I myself am not a huge fan of confrontation, I like when people aren't afraid to defend their own thoughts in a polite, but direct fashion. And I appreciate when others are able to translate. Again, why I wish I remembered this conversation better. Damn it :-(
But, after spending some time with my sister, we have discussed a few things, one being the idea of sacrifice in a relationship. I think we agree so much because we come from the same environment. We also explored the meaning of "You can't go home again". To this we concluded ( abbreviated version) that of course you can go home, but home will never look exactly the way it does in your memory. Sometimes, that's not such a bad thing... other times, it's simply a pisser.
Another idea, while watching "Sound of Music" ( boy, was Christopher Plummer a good looking man!!!!)is one I'll take with me. The character Maria says "I'm sorry. I'm far too outspoken. It's one of my worst faults" True that sista !!! I need to make that into a t-shirt :-)
Ok, that's what I have so far.
Too much to figure out in a day, maybe even in a lifetime. I guess this is why we have TV, blogs, and after Christmas sales at Eddie Bauer. Damn you Eddie, but I love the jeans ;-) !!!!!
2 comments:
It was a good conversation, I will agree.
But what I wanted to comment on was the 'you can never go home' bit. I struggled some while at home this time around. I found myself reacting to old roles between my family and I. Most of my time home was relaxing, but there were times it was really stressful because of those old roles. And old memories that kept dogging me too.
All in all, it kinda sucked.
I'm sorry about that, but I do understand it.
I have very mixed emotions when I return to Hagerstown, and each time it is very different.
It was so great to see all you guys at dinner - meet new folks, see ones I haven't seen in what feels like a lifetime, and to see more familiar faces again. Whether it was the alcohol or the company I'm not totally sure, but conversation was fun and easy.
Sometimes, even when I see some of my closest friends, conversation is strained. Life seems so very different and the relationships are different... I guess because they have to be. Too much to talk about here.
And then family... ah yes, family. I love my family ( there's my disclaimer) but, sometimes I wonder if people could discard family as easily as they do even friendship sometimes, how much of one's original family would you keep? For me, I'm not talking about the immediate immediate family - although I think my mother would be much happier if I had a Lojac or GPS attached to me. But the further out ones... aunts, uncles,etc, yup, I wonder.
As for memories, I'm personally trying to figure out how to partion my own. Keep close at hand the ones I find favorable or beneficial and recognize but dump the ones that aren't helpful or even hurtful. "Home" the location, not necessarily the edifice, stings more than others in this department - especially when events reproduce the memory.
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