As I just recessed from that last "thing" - we'll see if I actually finish it - I think about the dictum "Simplify, simplify, simplify". Why is that so "complicated, complicated,complicated"
As I stop to hear the news, they are talking about relationships and passion. Geesh.
Here's one "She/he's is just not that into you". Truth hurts... but thought hurts too :-).
I'm not angry ( at least I don't think I am. I'm just.... seeking.... honesty maybe?)
When you break up with someone, don't go for nice. Go with things like, "Yeah, you're just too ugly for me" or "You look great. It's your personality that sucks" or "I was just with you for the sex. I've got something better now, so thanks, but see ya" I'm not angry here I swear... just thinking of ways to make the end of relationships easier.
I remember a time in college that this guy liked me but I didn't return the same feelings. He bucked up and said something (I really admire him for that) I told him that I really did like him, but not in a romantic sort of way. I could see he was hurt, but all was good in the end. And we were good.... at least I thought so. I remember a situation in college going the other way too. I told him I was interested and the fellow just shut down and it took like 3 months to get back to a semblance of normalcy. I spoke to his friends more than I spoke to him. But it worked. I had no interest in him about a week later. I was over it and he was wierd. In the end of that, I was more amused than distressed.
Why do we make it so hard?? Just say how you feel !!!!
Beginnings are often kinda fun. Ends stink.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Relationships - part x
(NOTE: How do you indent in html???????)
My head hurts so much from thinking about this topic lately, that I almost (mind I say almost) can't wait for school to begin again to distract me from it. ( Although what is school, but one big arena of varying relationships).
I'm not sure what I'm going to write, or in what order, but perhaps writing will do one of the following:
a) help organize my own thoughts
b) ask others to sound out in contrasting thought or in in agreement.
c) let me see what I thought in 2008/beginning 2009 when it is 2020 (and I am 44 - ugh)
These 'buzz' words keep dancing in my head: change, acceptance, compromise, desires/wants, needs, truth, convenience, fear, availability, closure, responsibility, honesty,why. There may be more, so I'll alter as needed.
Some folks believe that such discussions and feelings about such things should be kept close to the vest. Well, for me personally, I might as well be a flasher when it comes to this, so if it gets too much, cover your eyes and close the window.
As I begin this entry, I see that it is going to be an extensive project, so as I have other things to do today ( and the rest of my life) I'll try to get the outline done. Feel free to interject to this, even in it's creation stage. And it's rough, I assure you.....
I) Acceptance
A) The need to be accepted or loved - universal or individual?
B) Personal - self
1) innate traits
2) self expectation
3) social expectation
4) experience molded thought
5) external rules and guidelines
a) family
b) culture
c) religion
6) Conditional vs unconditional
C) Social - others
1) personal expectation of others
2) social schemas - I'm not sure what to do here yet - organized factions - religious, popular, geek/nerd, goth/dark/people in black, pretentious, or types within recluse/sterile, socialite, workaholic, social climber
3) Conditional vs unconditional
II) Change
A) Inevitable vs controlled
B) Progressive or retrograde motion
C) Self expection vs social expectation of causation
D) Needed or wanted vs forced
1)Control/forced vs compromise
E) Coping with
1) confrontation
2) escape-avoidance-denial
3) transference - displacement - projection
4) Overintellectualization - Hmmmmmmm.( dealing with problems as interesting events that can be explained rationally and that have no anxiety or emotional content attached to them)
III) Relationships
A) Personal
1) Family
2) Friendship
3) Significant other
B) Social
1) Acquaintance
2) Co worker
3) Societal roles
Ok. Done for now - needs more thought. This is my analytical side as you can see. I can feel an emotional response brewing which may come later.
My head hurts so much from thinking about this topic lately, that I almost (mind I say almost) can't wait for school to begin again to distract me from it. ( Although what is school, but one big arena of varying relationships).
I'm not sure what I'm going to write, or in what order, but perhaps writing will do one of the following:
a) help organize my own thoughts
b) ask others to sound out in contrasting thought or in in agreement.
c) let me see what I thought in 2008/beginning 2009 when it is 2020 (and I am 44 - ugh)
These 'buzz' words keep dancing in my head: change, acceptance, compromise, desires/wants, needs, truth, convenience, fear, availability, closure, responsibility, honesty,why. There may be more, so I'll alter as needed.
Some folks believe that such discussions and feelings about such things should be kept close to the vest. Well, for me personally, I might as well be a flasher when it comes to this, so if it gets too much, cover your eyes and close the window.
As I begin this entry, I see that it is going to be an extensive project, so as I have other things to do today ( and the rest of my life) I'll try to get the outline done. Feel free to interject to this, even in it's creation stage. And it's rough, I assure you.....
I) Acceptance
A) The need to be accepted or loved - universal or individual?
B) Personal - self
1) innate traits
2) self expectation
3) social expectation
4) experience molded thought
5) external rules and guidelines
a) family
b) culture
c) religion
6) Conditional vs unconditional
C) Social - others
1) personal expectation of others
2) social schemas - I'm not sure what to do here yet - organized factions - religious, popular, geek/nerd, goth/dark/people in black, pretentious, or types within recluse/sterile, socialite, workaholic, social climber
3) Conditional vs unconditional
II) Change
A) Inevitable vs controlled
B) Progressive or retrograde motion
C) Self expection vs social expectation of causation
D) Needed or wanted vs forced
1)Control/forced vs compromise
E) Coping with
1) confrontation
2) escape-avoidance-denial
3) transference - displacement - projection
4) Overintellectualization - Hmmmmmmm.( dealing with problems as interesting events that can be explained rationally and that have no anxiety or emotional content attached to them)
III) Relationships
A) Personal
1) Family
2) Friendship
3) Significant other
B) Social
1) Acquaintance
2) Co worker
3) Societal roles
Ok. Done for now - needs more thought. This is my analytical side as you can see. I can feel an emotional response brewing which may come later.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
The worlds of endless thought
Ok, Maybe not the most appropriate title for this entry but the best I could do at the moment.
I feel like I have so much to express, but am not happy with the incompleteness of the ideas or maybe just their potential fallibility. Dunno.
Part of this I feel goes back to my partial remembrance of a discussion had concerning relationships and sacrifice. I sometimes think so much in this arena, I fear that someday I may never want to explore a "deep" co-ed relationship because I burnt all my energy analyzing the simple institution. Other times, I simply conceed that maybe I'm too busy to worry with it anyway. And then, there are the times I realize how much I really want one. Insatiable, another personal issue to handle at some point, or find a person accepting of such a trait.... although at times even I find it hard to be.
I want to go back to that discussion with a more rational mind and listen more than talk - regardless of how much I agree or disagree at the time. I really want to hear a/the male perspective on such things as I live with a woman's one.
Although, I myself am not a huge fan of confrontation, I like when people aren't afraid to defend their own thoughts in a polite, but direct fashion. And I appreciate when others are able to translate. Again, why I wish I remembered this conversation better. Damn it :-(
But, after spending some time with my sister, we have discussed a few things, one being the idea of sacrifice in a relationship. I think we agree so much because we come from the same environment. We also explored the meaning of "You can't go home again". To this we concluded ( abbreviated version) that of course you can go home, but home will never look exactly the way it does in your memory. Sometimes, that's not such a bad thing... other times, it's simply a pisser.
Another idea, while watching "Sound of Music" ( boy, was Christopher Plummer a good looking man!!!!)is one I'll take with me. The character Maria says "I'm sorry. I'm far too outspoken. It's one of my worst faults" True that sista !!! I need to make that into a t-shirt :-)
Ok, that's what I have so far.
Too much to figure out in a day, maybe even in a lifetime. I guess this is why we have TV, blogs, and after Christmas sales at Eddie Bauer. Damn you Eddie, but I love the jeans ;-) !!!!!
I feel like I have so much to express, but am not happy with the incompleteness of the ideas or maybe just their potential fallibility. Dunno.
Part of this I feel goes back to my partial remembrance of a discussion had concerning relationships and sacrifice. I sometimes think so much in this arena, I fear that someday I may never want to explore a "deep" co-ed relationship because I burnt all my energy analyzing the simple institution. Other times, I simply conceed that maybe I'm too busy to worry with it anyway. And then, there are the times I realize how much I really want one. Insatiable, another personal issue to handle at some point, or find a person accepting of such a trait.... although at times even I find it hard to be.
I want to go back to that discussion with a more rational mind and listen more than talk - regardless of how much I agree or disagree at the time. I really want to hear a/the male perspective on such things as I live with a woman's one.
Although, I myself am not a huge fan of confrontation, I like when people aren't afraid to defend their own thoughts in a polite, but direct fashion. And I appreciate when others are able to translate. Again, why I wish I remembered this conversation better. Damn it :-(
But, after spending some time with my sister, we have discussed a few things, one being the idea of sacrifice in a relationship. I think we agree so much because we come from the same environment. We also explored the meaning of "You can't go home again". To this we concluded ( abbreviated version) that of course you can go home, but home will never look exactly the way it does in your memory. Sometimes, that's not such a bad thing... other times, it's simply a pisser.
Another idea, while watching "Sound of Music" ( boy, was Christopher Plummer a good looking man!!!!)is one I'll take with me. The character Maria says "I'm sorry. I'm far too outspoken. It's one of my worst faults" True that sista !!! I need to make that into a t-shirt :-)
Ok, that's what I have so far.
Too much to figure out in a day, maybe even in a lifetime. I guess this is why we have TV, blogs, and after Christmas sales at Eddie Bauer. Damn you Eddie, but I love the jeans ;-) !!!!!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
What a week !!!
This past week had been a ride of a lifetime. In fact, I am thinking this year may qualify for the same title.
But, for this week, I closed on a home ( I am very happy about this) I bought my leased car,and talked to more financiers, title companies, car people, banks, etc, etc, etc. than ever in my 32 years prior. It was exhausting for sure, but here's hoping it was all worth it.
So the next 2 weeks hold and expedited moving process while finishing my last work week in Dec. Some of my students and their families have even offered to help, which is so moving itself. Also, I must finish all the Christmas shopping and pack for my little trip back east. Another survival week.
Lessons learned - the Wal-mart near us takes good pictures, but the stress wasn't worth it. Going back to that expensive place in the mall next year. Wal-mart - the photo meatmarket.
When an older child believes in Santa, things can get expensive. On BF, he an I went looking for a flat screen TV ( hey, it looks better in the condo ;-) ) Anyway, everyone was sold out of the one listed for the $$ I wanted to pay. Disappointed, Christian goes, "Mommy, just ask Santa for one. If you really want it, he'll bring it" Uh-oh. So, my online search began. I found one for the price I wanted after some very diligent looking. The plan was for this to be delivered to the apartment office and I would pick it up on a day he was with his dad and take and hide it in the condo. Well, they delivered it one evening when we both were here. Ugh !!!! So I told Christian he smelled and that he needed to go to the bathroom ( there's some psych treatment I'll be paying for later) When he was in the bathroom, I speedily pushed the TV box through the hall and badly covered it with blankets and stuff to conceal it. When little C asked me who was at the door, I said it was a newspaper salesman. ( great, another lie for the magic of Santa). But.. so far so good. The plan, my sister and friends will set up the TV while Christian and I are in MD and then the TV will be on the mantle with a bow on it from Santa when we return. I just couldn't break the news this year. Not with everything going on in our lives. Besides, isn't that his peers job? :-)
I'm actually happy he still believes in Santa. It really does keep a part of the childish wonder of Christmas alive.
Now, I'l just try to get through this week................ and keep the TV hidden. ;-)
But, for this week, I closed on a home ( I am very happy about this) I bought my leased car,and talked to more financiers, title companies, car people, banks, etc, etc, etc. than ever in my 32 years prior. It was exhausting for sure, but here's hoping it was all worth it.
So the next 2 weeks hold and expedited moving process while finishing my last work week in Dec. Some of my students and their families have even offered to help, which is so moving itself. Also, I must finish all the Christmas shopping and pack for my little trip back east. Another survival week.
Lessons learned - the Wal-mart near us takes good pictures, but the stress wasn't worth it. Going back to that expensive place in the mall next year. Wal-mart - the photo meatmarket.
When an older child believes in Santa, things can get expensive. On BF, he an I went looking for a flat screen TV ( hey, it looks better in the condo ;-) ) Anyway, everyone was sold out of the one listed for the $$ I wanted to pay. Disappointed, Christian goes, "Mommy, just ask Santa for one. If you really want it, he'll bring it" Uh-oh. So, my online search began. I found one for the price I wanted after some very diligent looking. The plan was for this to be delivered to the apartment office and I would pick it up on a day he was with his dad and take and hide it in the condo. Well, they delivered it one evening when we both were here. Ugh !!!! So I told Christian he smelled and that he needed to go to the bathroom ( there's some psych treatment I'll be paying for later) When he was in the bathroom, I speedily pushed the TV box through the hall and badly covered it with blankets and stuff to conceal it. When little C asked me who was at the door, I said it was a newspaper salesman. ( great, another lie for the magic of Santa). But.. so far so good. The plan, my sister and friends will set up the TV while Christian and I are in MD and then the TV will be on the mantle with a bow on it from Santa when we return. I just couldn't break the news this year. Not with everything going on in our lives. Besides, isn't that his peers job? :-)
I'm actually happy he still believes in Santa. It really does keep a part of the childish wonder of Christmas alive.
Now, I'l just try to get through this week................ and keep the TV hidden. ;-)
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Tis the season to be ill
Sing this to jingle bells - beginning w/ the strain dashing through the snow
Dashing for the john
In a real swift running way,
For the puke will dawn
Has come 3 times today
Losing fliud fast
Don't want to eat at all
I'm just really hoping now
I don't puke in the hall
Oh
It's the flu, it'd the flu
It's really full of strife
I hope I feel much better soon
For this is ruining my life.
Blaugh!!!
Gotta go.... really.
Dashing for the john
In a real swift running way,
For the puke will dawn
Has come 3 times today
Losing fliud fast
Don't want to eat at all
I'm just really hoping now
I don't puke in the hall
Oh
It's the flu, it'd the flu
It's really full of strife
I hope I feel much better soon
For this is ruining my life.
Blaugh!!!
Gotta go.... really.
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