Final days at the Beach

So, this signifies the end of my time at the beach. I have to say, it was a great time. I managed to get up 'again' for the sunrise this morning and was greatly rewarded. It was truly beautiful. I don't know that I have ever seen a sunrise at the beach live but it is a yearly appointment from here on out. It is a picturesque moment that is worth a little sleepiness. And, I got fantabulous pictures!!!!!! Can't wait to share them. I'll do that as soon as I can.

Missed the Sea-Doo goal, but yesterday, on the waves, I _was_ the Sea-Doo. It was crazy fun riding the waves!!! And my little guy got in on the action too. He was having so much fun and was so fun to watch. He got tossed around a few times, but..... it's the beach. Still, very fun. Still cold, but tolerable water.

During this trip, I was able compare my son to the boy that I have brought here the last 4 years. It is very cool and occasionally disturbing to see your child grow up. I'll write about this at home.

To all who have still to head out for their first, second, or summer vacation, have a great time and savor every minute. It goes by way too fast.

FUNNY T-SHIRT

Almost forgot about this one:

You know the cartoon/ movie media company Warner Bros. and their logo right? Well there was this tee shirt.... "If you see a cop-- Warn a brother. ( with the logo) I laughed so hard!!!!! I'll try to get a picture before we leave.

Better water - floating masses

I was going to write about what we did yesterday... but as I got online, it seems I can't remember. That's either a sign of a) relaxation b) fatigue c) senility. Here's hoping for a :-)

Ah, ok I remember a little. Uncle Bill's Pancake House - yum!!!!! Although we had a coffee creamer that manifested itself like a jellyfish in the coffee ( spoiled creamer) We were grossed out at first, and then it became a highlight of amusement. My dad kept saying it was better than a whale watching trip. He'd push the mucusey mass down in the cup and tell Christian to watch. He said it would do tricks and pop back up. Gotta love daddy. I can't believe that we were all watching and pushing it down on occasion. Cheap dates :-) Hmmmm, maybe you can't take the Hagerstown totally out of a person. :-z

Then 3 of us headed to the water. It was amazing !!!!! Boogie boards, waves crashing. It was very cool!!!!

Today I woke up at 0 dark hundred to catch that sunrise. Guess what I got???!! FOG!!!!! Grrrrr. Actually, I just laughed. I got back to sleep for a little while and then headed to the beach with a paper and read. It was chilly on the water but very nice to listen to the ocean.

Right now, it is almost 11:30 and the fog has still not burned off. We'll see what the day holds. May be a boat riding day. Here's hoping for a solar heat wave.

Still, it's great to be here.

Another day

Yesterday, the beach was awesome. Sunny, big waves... very cool. The water....uh..... can you say "ice cube"? Oh my goodness. Your feet suffered hypothermia and forget about going into the water past your waist.... if you could even get that far. I have never felt water like that before. Brrrrrrr. It's a little warmer today, so hopefully the water may be as well.

Went to Cape May yesterday too. My mom and dad spent their honeymoon there, so it means a lot to them. I like it too, but I like OC a little better. A little more to do.... from my perspective anyway. In Cape May there is a VERY GOOD seafood restaurant called the Lobster House. We make a yearly pilgrimage and that was last night. Sooooo good.

Today, bike ride again. My family is a bunch of lumps :-) although I didn't manage to get up until 8 myself. A little warmer and more folks on the Boardwalk at that time. The beach access past the boardwalk is awesome. Never new about that before. Reminds me of another trip I took to NC.

I will have some pictures for viewing later. I just forgot to bring the "pictures from camera to computer" cable. There's a better name for that isn't there :-) ?

Time for breakfast :-).

May I live to become a morning person

We are experiencing a day of sun here at the beach. Heat... not so much, but clear skies and sun. I gave myself a few goals this time out. As I recall them :-) they are/were: 1) See a sunrise ( it's funny that someone taught me that I can't see a sunset here. I'm on the EAST coast. Yeah, I felt a little stupid) 2) Not sleep away my time at the beach. 3) Go bike riding 4) Ride a Sea-Doo ( working on that one) 5) Swim in the ocean ( did I mention the water is 60 degrees - Brrrrrr) 6) Take pictures.

This am, I got on a single bike as the rest of the crew was sleeping. It was AWESOME!!!!!! First of all, it is so flat here,you can ride for miles - literally, and not get super tired. I rode what adds up here to a total of 60 blocks ( no idea milage there). The sun was glistening off the water and I was jamming to my iPod and daydreaming to boot. It was great. Haven't decided whether to ride or walk/jog tomorrow. I'll wait till tomorrow to decide.

Well, I don't want to burn beach time at the computer either, so.... catch you later :-)

Dialogue of the town

2 quick stories....

My dad and sister took my son fishing at Pangborn Park. To everyone's surprize, he had a blast. He even almost caught one of those.... whatever kind of fish swim there. My mother and I caught up later after handling things at the "cell phone" store. Grrrr. Anyway, he gave me the rod to cast. Yeah...not for me. I sent bait flying, but no line. :-) I figured I was there to feed the fish, not catch them. Little guy kept saying," Mummy, that's not how you do it." and continued to narrate as he took the fishing pole from me and did it properly. It was very cute. Maybe time on the bay might be a good thing. Are there fish in the bay???

Anyway, as the title suggests, being home had made me appreciate the dialect of the town in which I was raised. Such words as "geturassoverher" and "amboolance", "winda" have made themselves heard many times. I am going to try and write them all down because, once you get over the trauma of it being your native tongue, it's really quite funny. This place really can be home of "King of the Hill" and that's ok.

Allrightseeya.

Seek and you shall find... for better or worse

Sometimes, I think, people should quit while their ahead. You search long enough and you find out stuff you never thought.... or maybe didn't want to think, was true.

Crap, crap,crap.

Just running around on the computer and am finding things I wish maybe I hadn't. Damn these little rectangles. Damn nights of bad sleep. Damn mean people.

Although I am having a pretty good time, I wish I has planned my pilgrimage to the east later this year. I don't seem to want to be here right now, even when the people directly around are making it as pleasant as possible. Thanks for the fun yesterday, BTW. :-)

Can't help feeling it's time to "run away" and I need a new place to run to. I'll start that search when I get back to CO. Hopefully the beach proves a little more diverting.

And... good luck to all those who are having a WAY rougher time than me. I'm thinking about you and will help if you need or would take it.

Today, I meet with friends from the community band I used to play with for beer after their rehearsal. Oughta be fun. The last time we did that, my friend Brad and I ended up singing "Love Shack" w/ karaoke. We actually got applause. Missed our true calling, I guess.

My coffee is almost gone. Time to move on......

Friday, not sure yet. Sat, championship WII games. That should prove interesting......

Dad's day and time in the "Bush"

For dad’s day we had my mom’s side of the family here at the house, and a friend of mine came to visit. First let me say that the weather was awesome these past few days. It was so nice to be outside. But the “aunts” were here. My mother is a triplet and the youngest of the 3. Her ‘older’ sisters are very loud and quite domineering. Poor mother looked like she was getting railroaded. Dad stayed safe and grilled ( great, Dad’s cooking on Father’s day ☹ ) But, mom doesn’t entertain masses often.. if ever.. so Bev and I helped her out. Like I said, in the last few years I have evolved into a little bit of a control freak, so I asked Bev if she knew what the plan was. There wasn’t one, so we organized a system and my friend graciously agreed to join the working force with us. We divided vegetable chopping, dish doing ( my folks don’t have a dishwasher ☺ ) burger making, paper product dispensing, food layout, etc for mom. We had a nice little thing going and mom was happy to know everything worked ( yippee) So although a get - together with the sisters can be an event, this one ran pretty nicely.. with some help.

Sleeping. Ok, I am a goddess of sleep. It’s not a trait I am always proud of, but it is one of those things I accept and take comfort, until now. My last nights here in the “line state” have been not overly restful. I can’t get to sleep. My brain is cranking about stuff I thought I had handled ( or handled as well as I could) and it is not satisfied. Crap. I try to keep busy during the day to preoccupy myself as well as poop myself out, but when then head hits the pillow, it is like a psunami that has been building waiting for me to stop. Not sure what to do about it, not sure if it will go away, but…. I sure hope it does.

Otherwise I am enjoying the conveniences I love in the Springs so much.... Panera and Starbucks ;-)

Traveling times

Got into MD, well actually VA a few days ago. It was a fairly rough travel day as we left where we were staying at 3 am to get to the airport by 4/ 4:30 for a 6 am flight. At least the airport wasn’t crowded.

It was a 2 legged flight: first half from DIA to Dallas/Fort Worth. Can I just say I love that airport. It is very nice and accommodating…not to mention huge. We were there just long enough to eat and relax for a moment before the second flight to VA.

On the second flight little C actually slept ( he didn’t on #1) but he couldn’t get comfortable. His poor neck was bent and his body turned in ways I didn’t know people could as he slept. We couldn’t raise the arm rest all the way to be non obstructive, so even leaning on me wasn’t very comfortable. But, he did manage about 2 hours of shut eye.

When we landed, my dad and one of his friends were there to pick us up. My sister had been up almost 16 hours by this point and was very tired. I was no real Ms. Sunshine either, but little guy kept trucking. It was pretty humid, which I haven’t felt for a while, but at least there was a nice breeze. We loaded the car and proceeded on.We took a way that was different than what I am used to taking so we were in the car for a little over an hour before getting to Dad’s friends house where his car was. We then headed for my parents house.

Long day, but we made it.

Music list

I am at my sister's place after the day that never ends. Or maybe that should be during the day that never ends.

Cleaning and packing like crazy, banking, school, bank again, school to teach, lawyer, playdate, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, here are some songs I like today :

1. Somewere Only We Know - can't remember

2. That Voice Again - Peter Gabriel

3. Turn to You - Melanie C

4. Pavane - Faure (classical)

5. Ready, Steady, GO - Paul Oakenfold (techno)

6. Dave Matthews - Almost everything he's ever done :-) I'm gonna
marry him in my next life.... or at least hook up with him. ;-)
2 great ones today - Grey Street & Typical Situation

That's it for today. I have a relatively long travel day tomorrow, so I'll share a favorite from the journey.

Game plan

So I head to the beach with my family soon.

Plan - either wake up early or ask for time after little boy's bedtime to walk the boardwalk and listen to the water. During the day, I am sure we will be moving sand, boogie boarding, playing badminton ( oooh. remember to pack the rackets and birdie), but I really want some quiet time this year. I can't wait to strap on the Ipod to my arm and walk. I really like going out on the beach early in the morning, but often can't get out of bed early enough for it to be cool ( figuratively or temperature) If you go out around 6:30 - 7:30 only the elderly early birds or the exercise nuts are out. It's sunny, but peaceful. And at night, if you wait long enough, the families go to bed and the moon might be out reflecting of the water, the wind is cold and the water sounds.... great. ( that description sucks, by the way) Sometimes at night it feels a little lonely as that is the best time I think, to be hand and hand with someone, or have their arm around you to keep you warm while looking at the ocean. Peaceful bonding, I guess. But if you just listen to the ocean, it has a power to relax and a smell that is unique but great.

My friend from work told me to try and be sure to feel like I took a vacation. :-) I hope this helps. To just take some time and run away.

That and riding the ferris wheel while gripping the side and pleading Christian not to rock the seat. ;-) Don't look down.... just don't look down.

Surround yourself with quality people

I am on a journal kick... if you can't tell.

My sister came by tonight to watch short stuff while I went to a rehearsal. Short and sweet. We rehearsed for a fundraiser performance tomorrow night. One of those white collar eat and mingle events. Sometimes the people are so stuffy I don't like these things, but sometimes the food is pretty good. We'll see.

The conductor, I have determined is gay. He's still easy on the eyes, but he highlighed his hair in a funny way and... he ran , actually ran (... moved his legs quickly) a few steps in the rehearsal room and it made me laugh. He swaggers. He, he, he. That and his male counterpart on the last concert may have pushed that thought a little farther. I am not judging him at all, but the conclusion ( however correct or incorrect it is) makes me smile and say damn at the same time.

Anyway, the point of the story. My sis and I were talking about friends. She so misses hers from home, although one now lives in Texas. Some of them are coming out to visit in July and she is very excited for that. I too miss my friends from home, but not as much. My hometown friends and I have history, but we have such different perspectives on things, and seem to want different things and be heading different ways. I can't really say it well. I like their company very much, but they are all settled into their family thing ( which is great) and seem to be content with where they are socially or physically. We meet and we talk about what's going on, our kids, our jobs, our kids, etc. And then the well runs dry. There's nothing more to say. That's not true for all, but most. They are great, but we are not close. Maybe that's what comes with distance, but I kinda remember it being that way when I lived there too.

Here I have met a few wonderful people. They enjoy life. They talk, ya know, "talk" about stuff - ambition, feelings, hope, disappointment, family. Not all the time, but enough. And they share their "shit" too. They share their weaknesses, strengths, thoughts. I have one - two friends on the east coast who I miss dearly, but I have been fortunate enough to find a few very special people here. A few who I am close with, and a few who I just work with, but I see that they are quality people too. Don't misunderstand, there are a fair share of assholes here too, but a lot of good people.

My sister misses her friends. Denver may reap a different kind of person than here. I think I know other people who feel that way too. Perhaps there is a differentiation when people like to be alone
- People who are alone because they feel they have to be - no friends around
- People who choose to be alone, but know that their are friends around if they don't want to be

I understand that. I know that if my sister ever leaves, that will be the biggest test of my friends here. They will still be my friends if they fail that test, but that test may determine a part of my life. I will feel alone when she leaves. I know that. She is my best friend. But if my friends here can listen to me cry, hug me, talk with and distract me, then I will know that I am not alone. I just need to be sure that I am ready to provide for them when they need too.

I once read that one of the keys to a happy life is surrounding yourself with good people. I think most people are good on some level. But I know I prefer some over others. I hope to find many good people during my life. And I hope that I will become one too. :-)

The power of song

Hnmmm. Have I used this title before?? It popped up when I typed in the first few letters. I dunno.

Anyway, I was browsing random blogs as I like to be nosy and find out about others adventures and whoas. I came upon this one with a great song "Starting Now" by Ingrid Michaelson. what a great song. Not totally accurate to current feelings, but one of those release anger kind. Cool song. I'll download it after I am done typing this.

I may list other songs I dig on a certain day. Help me keep track and maybe give a random reader a suggestion for listening.

Yeah, I like that idea......

Blue Collar Comedy Tour

I just stumbled upon these folks on TV and it reminded me of how much I like them. Comedy routines are typically a hit or miss with me, but these guys "always" say something that makes me laugh.

Tonight they have a few routines running back to back. One of the things that made me laugh was after Larry the Cable Guy said something to Jeff Foxworthy, he then said, "You can use that for your next album and it may go aluminum." Or when the guy who drinks and smokes all the time ( I think they call him "Tater") spoke of his son....."When my son was 6, ya know, 'Tater Tot'....."

I have a mission to see these guys live. Too funny !!!!!!

Tell it to yourself again

"The one thing in life you can control is your attitude."I can't credit the person who said this. Maybe there have been many, but I do believe that the sentiment is true, although a times quite a difficult task.

I wonder if that means that you can control you brain too?? You know, those times that your initial reaction or your thoughts or feelings lead you in one direction, but you ascribe a different "spin" to it, give yourself a party line to follow in the hopes that your eventually believe it. I think people do this all the time. "fate" "this is the way it has to be" "this is for the best" "I don't expect" "I'll take you at your word" etc.

I do this sometimes. Is it lying? Saying what I have reasoned to be true, saying what is or seems to be the best, but not totally believing all of it.... yet.

Let's take a situation. You are getting a review from your boss. In a way, you do respect your boss and want he/she to respect your work and maybe even you. Yet you prepare yourself for less than desired dialogue. You prompt yourself with the idea, "I don't really care what they think. I just want a raise" You might even be more honest with yourself by saying," I hope they say something good, but if they don't, it's not that big of deal. I don't care what they think. I just want the raise."

This is self protection, right? The self preservation party line. You really do care, you just don't want to leave that piece of control to them. You really do want them to say something good and it will effect you if they say something negative. You just don't want to admit it or acknowledge that it's true. You don't want to give them that power over how you feel. You give yourself the line to try and make yourself believe that it isn't true.

So, in the spirit of "you have control of everything that happens to you", should you always be truthful of your mind and heart or is subscribing to the socialist self preservation party allowed? Can you be truthful to yourself while not matching the truth of heart and mind to the sound of word? Saying things in total contradiction to the felt truth. Or if you hope what your saying will be true, is that sincere enough. Saying things that create a safe situation. It's not totally the truth, but eventually you hope it will be.

Can you really say, "I don't expect you to do _________, but I want you to do _____. I will wonder if you don't, and be hurt for awhile, but it will most likely go away." I don't think I can. It would come out like, "Eh, do what you want. It doesn't matter. " Maybe after saying that awhile though, you'll start to believe it. And then, it is the truth.

Just say it to yourself again and again.

Something amazing

Just a short random thought...

I was speaking to one of my colleagues who seems to have led a remarkable life. I'm sure it's her perspective, but all the same. I am not envious of her, but in wonder I guess. She invited me over to her family's to spend 4th of July with them. As I accepted, we were joking about fireworks here in Co. Springs. She mentioned that the year her family moved here, they all loaded on their roof to see the fireworks that were going to be launched from Pikes Peak. Of course they were going to be larger than life, and the most spectacular fireworks ever. What did they look like? Little blips of color as the mountain's size and distance away over compensated the size of the fireworks. She said all they could do was laugh.

Ok, then I had mentioned that I'd at some point like to see fireworks at the capital... and not on TV. She had lived in Falls Church for a time where she met her husband. He was away at the time but made a date to drive from Canada to DC so that they could see a concert and the fireworks. He picked up a hitchhiker and with that persons help drove all the way from Banff to Pennsylvania where he broke his water pump. His dad helped him fix that ( I assume that he lives somewhere in PA) and told him to hurry up and get to DC so he could marry her. Well, he got to DC in time for the concert and the fireworks show. Ends up, he didn't propose at that time, but shortly later and still on the mall.

That was just a cool story.

I think.... will something like that ever happen to me?? I suppose the truth is no one knows.

So then I thought for a minute and she asked what I was thinking about. Although it seems funny to say, I told her that I was thinking about the movie "The Incredibles". I further explained that there is a little boy sitting on a tricycle as Mr. Incredible gets home. He asks, " What are you waiting for?" and the boy replies," I don't know. Something amazing I guess."

I think that is my current motto for life, "I don't know what I am waiting for. Something amazing I guess."

Fate

Here goes another "off the wall" entry, but I have to think through something and am trying various methods of doing so.

Have you ever had the feeling that a life event or situation has recurred for you ( either once or several times) and the outcome is never what you had wanted? It's like you take the ride once, you make choices a,b and c and it ends x. Then you take the ride again and try choices d,e and f and it still ends x. Does that equation equal fate? That whatever you do, whatever the circumstances, the equation always ends the same. Or does that simply mean there is a hidden factor, or perhaps simply another factor at work in each equation that makes them both come to the same end?

I did not excel at math so I don't know if there exists a viable mathematical correlation but I can say that I have seen this equation in real life and I don't like it. I don't like it because a) I don't like the answer b) I don't have the information I want to know how the answer happened c) no matter what I did, I had no control over the answer, yet the answer impacts me in some way.

Control. There's a whole 'nother bag of worms. When I was younger, even to say 8 years ago, I would not have even entertained the thought of labeling myself a control freak. Easy going, go with the flow would have been better. In the last few years, I see this increasing tendency to want control, or at least thorough understanding of things to the point of being dominering in some regards and downright nosy in others. I can explain how that has happened, but that doesn't mean I like it or really know how to navigate it. The "go with the flow" mentality works well when whatever force you do have your trust in pulls through for you or the outcomes are not ones that violate your trust in that force. A simplistic example is a person who leaves what they eat up to the preparer, but they are allergic to nuts. They are fine with whatever the preparer makes. But one time the preparer either accidentally or purposefully makes something with nuts threatening the well being of the eater. The eater can fire the cook and get a new one, or give the old one another chance,but the damage has been done. The eater may never eat as carefree as they did before because one time threatened their life. Or can they ??

This scenario holds true in my personal life as well as my professional one. Take chances and get burned. Yeah, I get that. But the more you get burned, the more scars you have, and the more scars you have, the less impetuous you are to entering situations that risk you getting burned. Or you more carefully monitor the degree in which you can get burned, in turn risking missing what you aren't investing in? Is that the way it works ?

Even if it is, to live life and take chances while regarding your own personal, psychological, and economic well being seems to me an almost impossible pendulum to balance. Let people in so that they can hurt, disappoint, ignore you or live in isolation and experience none of the friendship, love, and other benefits that people can offer. Do a job you love for little pay or do something you doesn't give you any personal satisfaction to reap the financial benefits? Seek something out or be determined to make it happen where you are. What is right?? What feels good? Well, what if at a given point in time no choice feels good? Or what if the situation doesn't feel good and you don't know your choices? Or don't like them?

I don't want to elaborate upon current situations. Let's stay in the hypotheticals, but I have been here before. I know history repeats itself but can't it wait a lifetime to do so?? Is there a force that tries to teach you lessons and therefore makes you repeat the problem until you get the right answer - the right one not necessarily being the one you wanted. And what if the lessons you have learned don't feel like the high road or some greater good knowledge, but rather like wounds that hadn't been stitched all that well before and are now ripped open again. I suppose the lessons may be a) stop putting yourself in situations that can reopen old wounds c) keep lots of tissues around and c) try to learn how to stitch better. If so, I better take some serious sewing classes.

If fate really is a+b+c = x and d+e+f = x, then fate sucks. Someone let me speak to fate's supervisor.