Saturday, February 04, 2012

What's your role?

In talking to a friend yesterday this came up. We were actually talking about teaching though ( imagine that) but I got to thinking that the question is relatively profound. What is your role? And can you accept that role, or the definition of that role changing.

As teachers at our school, we can sometimes be asked to cap a student - at a ceremony, place the graduation cap upon the students head as someone reads what you or another faculty member wrote about why that student is special or how we will remember them. Students pick their capper based upon who they feel had a significant impact on their journey to graduation. It's quite an honor really.

Well, my friend used to be asked by no less than 4 students, often more. Last year, I don't think she was asked at all, and she said she had a hard time with that. She was used to being regarded as a mentor to many of her students and took offense when not asked. She then said as she thought about it, she became more accepting of it, even though she may not like it. She said she reached this decision by accepting that her role has changed.

As teachers, the most simple mind would say that the teacher's job is to convey information relevant to their subject area. Ha !!! I wish that was all a teacher had to do. No.... that's not true. I just wish folks realized and recognized all a teacher must do. Impart information, guidance counsel, test monitor, creatively manage limited budget or resources, organize staff, act as parent and school liaison, observe and report mental health of students, and more I can't quantify now. In fact, of all teacher duties, I don't spend as much time teaching as I do on the other stuff - and that's true for most of us. Anyone can teach a subject. Very few can successfully teach kids.

But then, you feel yourself get caught in the throws of your role - what if someone doesn't ask you for your input at this meeting? What is someone doesn't involve you in the next big decision about the school, what if the students aren't wanting to take your class because it's too hard or "uncool", what if you have students taking your class simply because it is "cool" and don't care about the content of the class, what if great numbers of students don't regard you as the mentor you felt they did 2,5,10 years ago? Are you failing? Are you becoming ineffective? What do you do?

Well, she decided to find peace in the refocusing on the "why" you do what you are doing instead of the "how" your role is defined. Choices people make are theirs and theirs alone. Although you can influence them, you can't always assure how you are influencing them, as perspective and reception is as unique and individual as people themselves. By going back to the "why",  you surrender the responsibilities or burden of the definition of your role and define your role by it's purpose instead. Celebrated success and reputation become ancillary instead of primary.

Like I said, pretty deep stuff.

We are in the registration window at school and this is the most depressing time of year for performing arts. We wait and see who sticks and who quits. That's really the crux of it. When we recruit beginners, that is the most exciting time because these are all new recruits in the pipeline. When older kids register, we watch the potential exodus. This is, in part, what prompted this discussion.

But, I think this can be applied in any profession or especially parenting. The role of the parent of an infant is very different than that of the teenager, which again changes when one is the parent of an adult. Although the title of parent never changes, the actual role or definition of the role does.

What about spouse? Or friend? Or a way 'out there' concept, individual purpose? I sometimes wonder what constitutes a mid life crisis and, in turn wonder if it isn't essentially a person's loss of ability to define or accept their role or purpose at a stage in life or the inability to accept that the role has changed from what it once was. Not sure.

I wonder how I will handle my son going to college - if he chooses to do so. I wonder what I will do, since life to this point has, in part, been directed by acting in a manner that is best for him. When he's on his own, I will have to re-strategize how I make some decisions and that's ok. Sometimes, I wish to be the mother of an infant again and I know again, decisions will have to be made on how to do that well. Other times, I resolve myself that the season for that has passed and it is time to plan for the next one. I wonder if I can successfully fit the role of girlfriend or wife. Sometimes, I wonder if I really want to make those compromises and sacrifices and other times, it's without a doubt that I'd like to and I'll fight to figure it out as I go. And, sometimes I wonder how hard one should work to be called into a role they think they want to have. Sometimes, I think we call people who do that - desperate.

But, to accept the roles as they come, I think in layman's terms, this concept is expressed as "roll with the punches".

But, spiritually sometimes people wonder what their purpose in life is. I think evaluating what one's role/ roles are, being content with them, and asking if we staying true to the "why" we are doing them IS necessary for contentment. Or, in that search, to discover that we are simply trying to make all fit into the marketed definitions of the "what's and how's" of our role's accepted definitions and not fighting for the virtue of them instead.

Former student Ben Johnson I am convinced was a genius. His graduation speech premise was "What are you doing?" I like to add the addendum, "WHY are you doing it?"


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