I don't believe a great deal in dream psycology. I just know when I have dreams, when I don't think I do and when I remember them. I tend to have the most vivid ones just when I am about to wake, which makes waking up even more unpleasant. Last night I had the most peculiar one. But it's funny, even as I try to recall it pieces go missing. Bizarre. So the recount won't exactly make sense or flow... maybe at all. Sorry 'bout that.
I'll spare too many details as they wouldn't make sence but, the crux of it was I was with a friend on the mid floor of a very fancy home while her husband, another male friend, and a female of unknown origin were in the basement. There was a pool outside the middle floor and I asked if I could swim laps. After swimming, I came out of the pool and my friend was very distraught about she and her husband's marrage. We talked for a while ( but this alone was weird because to my eye there is nothing wrong with the relationship in real life) and then somehow it came to my knowledge that my other friend and this female got together in some fashion - I guess. Even I can't remember the particulars there of how I would have assumed or found that infomation out as in the dream I never went downstairs - and I dreamed it. Anyway, in the dream I began to sob/ball/ become hysterical. And I mean hysterical. That uncontrollable crying when you can't breathe and you almost make yourself sick cry. I swear I felt the outcome of this one. Besides, when I did wake up, I was slightly short of breath. How disturbing !!!!
This sort of dream is a rarity for me, but all the same, slightly unerving. I'm sure you all have had deja vu right? I don't get it that often, but often it seems to refer back to something from one of these discouncerting dreams. It never flashes the ones where I actually like the outcome.
Again, I don't put great stock in this but all the same, ughh. There must be a disturbance in the force ;-)
Now, if life could put me in the situations of some dreams earlier in the week, I'd take it. Obviously Mr. Sandman and I are not on good terms.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Colorado .... really?
Today was my trip to Gunnison and I was very much much looking forward to it, untill this freak little snow storm blew in and Monarch Pass has become more treacherous to pass and we have a snow day. Awesome. :-( The snow day is a perk, but very poorly timed I must say. With any luck, I try to make the trip tomorrow.
What a pisser.
But, humor from the honor band front. A new band joke from one of the conductors of the last honor band. You must read this in a British accent as the conductor who told it was British himself, " What do a conductor and a condom have in common?" " It's more fun without but safer with one". Hehehehe.
What a pisser.
But, humor from the honor band front. A new band joke from one of the conductors of the last honor band. You must read this in a British accent as the conductor who told it was British himself, " What do a conductor and a condom have in common?" " It's more fun without but safer with one". Hehehehe.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Honor bands commence
And now begins honor band season. This is the time I travel Thursday - Saturday with kids to various honor bands and see great conductors work to create great things with high school musicians.
This weekend, the wild, wonderful world of..... Pueblo "-( Ok, the location isn't stellar, but the kids and the groups will be great.) AND Timothy Reynish from the UK is coming to conduct one of the groups. I have few fetishes in my crazy existence, but a British accent is one of them. I told the kids, "Even if you're getting yelled at it's ok, because it will be in a British accent!!!" So very excited to meet the man and more so to speak with him ;-) !!!
Other than that, 2.5 days filled with teenagers, fellow band directors and music. Eh, 2 out of 3 ain't bad ;-). Just kidding. Looking forward to an inspiring ( and partially perspiring) weekend.
Next weekend is Gunnison. Haven't been there yet, so..... excited for a new CO location.
I feel like there is so much to say but too little time to share it/type it/ spell it. Ever get that??? Eh, if it sticks, I'll post it later, I guess.
Most days "Living the dream".... some days just "surviving/ enduring the nightmare" ;-)
This weekend, the wild, wonderful world of..... Pueblo "-( Ok, the location isn't stellar, but the kids and the groups will be great.) AND Timothy Reynish from the UK is coming to conduct one of the groups. I have few fetishes in my crazy existence, but a British accent is one of them. I told the kids, "Even if you're getting yelled at it's ok, because it will be in a British accent!!!" So very excited to meet the man and more so to speak with him ;-) !!!
Other than that, 2.5 days filled with teenagers, fellow band directors and music. Eh, 2 out of 3 ain't bad ;-). Just kidding. Looking forward to an inspiring ( and partially perspiring) weekend.
Next weekend is Gunnison. Haven't been there yet, so..... excited for a new CO location.
I feel like there is so much to say but too little time to share it/type it/ spell it. Ever get that??? Eh, if it sticks, I'll post it later, I guess.
Most days "Living the dream".... some days just "surviving/ enduring the nightmare" ;-)
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
That time of year
Ironically enough, I have nothing to say about Valentine's Day ;-) It's a good day. Probably better for those sharing it with other folks, but, meh, I have family and friends to share love with, so.... all good. :-)
A small funny that I shared with some folks earlier - I was joking with some of my high schoolers about it being "Singles awareness day" and the one said, " You know the acronym for that is SAD right?" I just laughed. Didn't want to ask which was worse celebrating "SAD" or "VD". Hmmmm.... ;-)
But all I have to say is that it's that time of season where there's no time.... for much of anything other than work. That's it.
So, "Goodnight Moon".
A small funny that I shared with some folks earlier - I was joking with some of my high schoolers about it being "Singles awareness day" and the one said, " You know the acronym for that is SAD right?" I just laughed. Didn't want to ask which was worse celebrating "SAD" or "VD". Hmmmm.... ;-)
But all I have to say is that it's that time of season where there's no time.... for much of anything other than work. That's it.
So, "Goodnight Moon".
Thursday, February 09, 2012
I needed that
Tonight was a great night. GREAT night. First of all my wind ensemble played really well. REALLY well. Secondly, we did this joint concert with a local brass band and they were INCREDIBLE !!! They sounded amazing and inspired my kids. They didn't even know the instruments could do some of those things. And, they are super nice people - one of my high schoolers told me so. ;-)
I got to lead the groups for the closing number and it was ( as another band student calls it) bandgasmic. ;-)
But then, they ( the brass band/ their director) invited me to go out and join them after the concert. I'm not super great at social events after school nights, but, as the high schooler said, "they are super nice people." I got to have a few beers and meet a kick ass trombone player ( kick ASS) who played in the Navy Band of DC - the band where my ex-husband played when I met him. So we had a small connection there. And I met the AFA band's former commanding officer - who my ex played under while we were married here. ( as you can see, we travel in rather small or let's say concentric circles - sometimes my married name can be a real asset in this business - he gave me that and my son, can't complain about that). It was so great to meet some new musicians and feel like I have known them all my life. A few weren't too bad on the eyes, which isn't a bad thing either. But all were very genuine people and a blessing to have met.
There are days I wonder about the whole music thing. Today was validation. Musicians have suffered since their inception, so there's no surprises there, and yet the music lives on and connects us all. I love the new acquaintances I met tonight - the people I met because of the common thread of music.
I needed that. That and the beer ;-)
Now, I need sleep and to be able to awake at 6am. Damn you Sam Adams !!!!
I got to lead the groups for the closing number and it was ( as another band student calls it) bandgasmic. ;-)
But then, they ( the brass band/ their director) invited me to go out and join them after the concert. I'm not super great at social events after school nights, but, as the high schooler said, "they are super nice people." I got to have a few beers and meet a kick ass trombone player ( kick ASS) who played in the Navy Band of DC - the band where my ex-husband played when I met him. So we had a small connection there. And I met the AFA band's former commanding officer - who my ex played under while we were married here. ( as you can see, we travel in rather small or let's say concentric circles - sometimes my married name can be a real asset in this business - he gave me that and my son, can't complain about that). It was so great to meet some new musicians and feel like I have known them all my life. A few weren't too bad on the eyes, which isn't a bad thing either. But all were very genuine people and a blessing to have met.
There are days I wonder about the whole music thing. Today was validation. Musicians have suffered since their inception, so there's no surprises there, and yet the music lives on and connects us all. I love the new acquaintances I met tonight - the people I met because of the common thread of music.
I needed that. That and the beer ;-)
Now, I need sleep and to be able to awake at 6am. Damn you Sam Adams !!!!
Saturday, February 04, 2012
What's your role?
In talking to a friend yesterday this came up. We were actually talking about teaching though ( imagine that) but I got to thinking that the question is relatively profound. What is your role? And can you accept that role, or the definition of that role changing.
As teachers at our school, we can sometimes be asked to cap a student - at a ceremony, place the graduation cap upon the students head as someone reads what you or another faculty member wrote about why that student is special or how we will remember them. Students pick their capper based upon who they feel had a significant impact on their journey to graduation. It's quite an honor really.
Well, my friend used to be asked by no less than 4 students, often more. Last year, I don't think she was asked at all, and she said she had a hard time with that. She was used to being regarded as a mentor to many of her students and took offense when not asked. She then said as she thought about it, she became more accepting of it, even though she may not like it. She said she reached this decision by accepting that her role has changed.
As teachers, the most simple mind would say that the teacher's job is to convey information relevant to their subject area. Ha !!! I wish that was all a teacher had to do. No.... that's not true. I just wish folks realized and recognized all a teacher must do. Impart information, guidance counsel, test monitor, creatively manage limited budget or resources, organize staff, act as parent and school liaison, observe and report mental health of students, and more I can't quantify now. In fact, of all teacher duties, I don't spend as much time teaching as I do on the other stuff - and that's true for most of us. Anyone can teach a subject. Very few can successfully teach kids.
But then, you feel yourself get caught in the throws of your role - what if someone doesn't ask you for your input at this meeting? What is someone doesn't involve you in the next big decision about the school, what if the students aren't wanting to take your class because it's too hard or "uncool", what if you have students taking your class simply because it is "cool" and don't care about the content of the class, what if great numbers of students don't regard you as the mentor you felt they did 2,5,10 years ago? Are you failing? Are you becoming ineffective? What do you do?
Well, she decided to find peace in the refocusing on the "why" you do what you are doing instead of the "how" your role is defined. Choices people make are theirs and theirs alone. Although you can influence them, you can't always assure how you are influencing them, as perspective and reception is as unique and individual as people themselves. By going back to the "why", you surrender the responsibilities or burden of the definition of your role and define your role by it's purpose instead. Celebrated success and reputation become ancillary instead of primary.
Like I said, pretty deep stuff.
We are in the registration window at school and this is the most depressing time of year for performing arts. We wait and see who sticks and who quits. That's really the crux of it. When we recruit beginners, that is the most exciting time because these are all new recruits in the pipeline. When older kids register, we watch the potential exodus. This is, in part, what prompted this discussion.
But, I think this can be applied in any profession or especially parenting. The role of the parent of an infant is very different than that of the teenager, which again changes when one is the parent of an adult. Although the title of parent never changes, the actual role or definition of the role does.
What about spouse? Or friend? Or a way 'out there' concept, individual purpose? I sometimes wonder what constitutes a mid life crisis and, in turn wonder if it isn't essentially a person's loss of ability to define or accept their role or purpose at a stage in life or the inability to accept that the role has changed from what it once was. Not sure.
I wonder how I will handle my son going to college - if he chooses to do so. I wonder what I will do, since life to this point has, in part, been directed by acting in a manner that is best for him. When he's on his own, I will have to re-strategize how I make some decisions and that's ok. Sometimes, I wish to be the mother of an infant again and I know again, decisions will have to be made on how to do that well. Other times, I resolve myself that the season for that has passed and it is time to plan for the next one. I wonder if I can successfully fit the role of girlfriend or wife. Sometimes, I wonder if I really want to make those compromises and sacrifices and other times, it's without a doubt that I'd like to and I'll fight to figure it out as I go. And, sometimes I wonder how hard one should work to be called into a role they think they want to have. Sometimes, I think we call people who do that - desperate.
But, to accept the roles as they come, I think in layman's terms, this concept is expressed as "roll with the punches".
But, spiritually sometimes people wonder what their purpose in life is. I think evaluating what one's role/ roles are, being content with them, and asking if we staying true to the "why" we are doing them IS necessary for contentment. Or, in that search, to discover that we are simply trying to make all fit into the marketed definitions of the "what's and how's" of our role's accepted definitions and not fighting for the virtue of them instead.
Former student Ben Johnson I am convinced was a genius. His graduation speech premise was "What are you doing?" I like to add the addendum, "WHY are you doing it?"
As teachers at our school, we can sometimes be asked to cap a student - at a ceremony, place the graduation cap upon the students head as someone reads what you or another faculty member wrote about why that student is special or how we will remember them. Students pick their capper based upon who they feel had a significant impact on their journey to graduation. It's quite an honor really.
Well, my friend used to be asked by no less than 4 students, often more. Last year, I don't think she was asked at all, and she said she had a hard time with that. She was used to being regarded as a mentor to many of her students and took offense when not asked. She then said as she thought about it, she became more accepting of it, even though she may not like it. She said she reached this decision by accepting that her role has changed.
As teachers, the most simple mind would say that the teacher's job is to convey information relevant to their subject area. Ha !!! I wish that was all a teacher had to do. No.... that's not true. I just wish folks realized and recognized all a teacher must do. Impart information, guidance counsel, test monitor, creatively manage limited budget or resources, organize staff, act as parent and school liaison, observe and report mental health of students, and more I can't quantify now. In fact, of all teacher duties, I don't spend as much time teaching as I do on the other stuff - and that's true for most of us. Anyone can teach a subject. Very few can successfully teach kids.
But then, you feel yourself get caught in the throws of your role - what if someone doesn't ask you for your input at this meeting? What is someone doesn't involve you in the next big decision about the school, what if the students aren't wanting to take your class because it's too hard or "uncool", what if you have students taking your class simply because it is "cool" and don't care about the content of the class, what if great numbers of students don't regard you as the mentor you felt they did 2,5,10 years ago? Are you failing? Are you becoming ineffective? What do you do?
Well, she decided to find peace in the refocusing on the "why" you do what you are doing instead of the "how" your role is defined. Choices people make are theirs and theirs alone. Although you can influence them, you can't always assure how you are influencing them, as perspective and reception is as unique and individual as people themselves. By going back to the "why", you surrender the responsibilities or burden of the definition of your role and define your role by it's purpose instead. Celebrated success and reputation become ancillary instead of primary.
Like I said, pretty deep stuff.
We are in the registration window at school and this is the most depressing time of year for performing arts. We wait and see who sticks and who quits. That's really the crux of it. When we recruit beginners, that is the most exciting time because these are all new recruits in the pipeline. When older kids register, we watch the potential exodus. This is, in part, what prompted this discussion.
But, I think this can be applied in any profession or especially parenting. The role of the parent of an infant is very different than that of the teenager, which again changes when one is the parent of an adult. Although the title of parent never changes, the actual role or definition of the role does.
What about spouse? Or friend? Or a way 'out there' concept, individual purpose? I sometimes wonder what constitutes a mid life crisis and, in turn wonder if it isn't essentially a person's loss of ability to define or accept their role or purpose at a stage in life or the inability to accept that the role has changed from what it once was. Not sure.
I wonder how I will handle my son going to college - if he chooses to do so. I wonder what I will do, since life to this point has, in part, been directed by acting in a manner that is best for him. When he's on his own, I will have to re-strategize how I make some decisions and that's ok. Sometimes, I wish to be the mother of an infant again and I know again, decisions will have to be made on how to do that well. Other times, I resolve myself that the season for that has passed and it is time to plan for the next one. I wonder if I can successfully fit the role of girlfriend or wife. Sometimes, I wonder if I really want to make those compromises and sacrifices and other times, it's without a doubt that I'd like to and I'll fight to figure it out as I go. And, sometimes I wonder how hard one should work to be called into a role they think they want to have. Sometimes, I think we call people who do that - desperate.
But, to accept the roles as they come, I think in layman's terms, this concept is expressed as "roll with the punches".
But, spiritually sometimes people wonder what their purpose in life is. I think evaluating what one's role/ roles are, being content with them, and asking if we staying true to the "why" we are doing them IS necessary for contentment. Or, in that search, to discover that we are simply trying to make all fit into the marketed definitions of the "what's and how's" of our role's accepted definitions and not fighting for the virtue of them instead.
Former student Ben Johnson I am convinced was a genius. His graduation speech premise was "What are you doing?" I like to add the addendum, "WHY are you doing it?"
Friday, February 03, 2012
Thank you magic internet
Well, I wished for snow and I got it. I wished for a snow day and I received that too.
Now, magic internet, how about a million dollars???? ;-)
Now, magic internet, how about a million dollars???? ;-)
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Last thought on the day
Totally unrelated...
This is February first and here's what I think today,
Goodbye's aren't necessary until someone passes away. I'll stick with "see you later" 's.
And....... there's no reason to bolt a door on your own that you wish to stay open or at least unlocked. If it closes itself, fine. It the wind blows it shut, fine. And if someone else closes it, that's fine too.
Besides, just because that one door is unlocked, doesn't mean you have to limit yourself to travel only through that one door. You don't have to avoid it, but, you don't have to only travel that way either. Find and explore the other doors to travel through until you want to, and choose to go through "that" door or until someone beckons you from the other side. It's easier to see them when the door is open anyway, and far easier to let them in than when it's bolted shut. Who knows? You may meet someone who you've been hoping to see, or someone as a total surprise. But, I believe an open door is far more welcoming and less inhibiting than a shut, locked one. Besides, who wants to be locked up in their own house anyway???
Obscure enough???
Good.
It wasn't written for you anyway. No offense ;-)
This is February first and here's what I think today,
Goodbye's aren't necessary until someone passes away. I'll stick with "see you later" 's.
And....... there's no reason to bolt a door on your own that you wish to stay open or at least unlocked. If it closes itself, fine. It the wind blows it shut, fine. And if someone else closes it, that's fine too.
Besides, just because that one door is unlocked, doesn't mean you have to limit yourself to travel only through that one door. You don't have to avoid it, but, you don't have to only travel that way either. Find and explore the other doors to travel through until you want to, and choose to go through "that" door or until someone beckons you from the other side. It's easier to see them when the door is open anyway, and far easier to let them in than when it's bolted shut. Who knows? You may meet someone who you've been hoping to see, or someone as a total surprise. But, I believe an open door is far more welcoming and less inhibiting than a shut, locked one. Besides, who wants to be locked up in their own house anyway???
Obscure enough???
Good.
It wasn't written for you anyway. No offense ;-)
Read this.... what do you think??
Ah, so much to say here, but bedtime for bonzo.
But read this article. What do you think???
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/magazine/what-if-the-secret-to-success-is-failure.html?pagewanted=all
But read this article. What do you think???
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/magazine/what-if-the-secret-to-success-is-failure.html?pagewanted=all
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