Movie completed

Well, we saw the movie. It was truly amazing. Sure it was a bit preachy feel good, but the cinematography was insane!!! IMAX 3D was definitely the way to go.

As for the company it was fine. No hand holding, and that wasn't a disappointment. We went for a drink afterwards, and that was nice too. He's a nice guy. He's mello and slightly reserved. He has a lot of life experience after him, so his perspectives are neat to hear.

I can't say as of yet if this relationship is going to be anything else than a neat friendship. No butterflies, no super eagerness to see him or talk to him, no checking the mirror 20 times in the hope that I look ok. It's just comfortable. I guess for the time being, that's ok.

I still can't help but to think that I'd really like butterflies. There's a high that comes with them that's kinda nice to. I'd just like to share the butterflies - like a butterfly farm :-)

I guess I'll just wait and see what tomorrow and tomorrow's tomorrows bring.

Here we go

Whelll...... so I went to dinner with this band director fella, and it was nice. Not "nice" nice as in butterflies and staring into the eyes kind, but comfortable conversation nice. Kinda like having dinner with a new friend.

Now comes the invite of the movie. Eeeek the MOVIE !! The second to last guy I went out with was the hand holding type. Okay, that in itself isn't terrible ( as there have been times in my life where it would have been nice had the guy done that) but on the "first" meeting?? Yeah, not so much. Plus he had really sweaty hands. Yucky :-( He needs to appreciate the fact that I was polite that day instead of just quickly pulling my hand away and promptly wiping it off on my pants. Ick. Just thinking about that makes my face pucker as if I had just sucked on a lemon. It's one of those gross uncomfortable date things.

Well, so I'm not sure I want to hold hands with this guy.... yet or ever. Is that a sign?? On one hand it's like "holding hands, what's the big deal?" to the other hand of "physical contact of any sort needs to be appropriate to the feelings and desires of both parties". I'm not disgusted by the idea, I'm just not all excited about it either. And I'm not sure if after the fact I'd be relieved if it didn't happen or simply disappointed.

And butterflies, how important are they really?? I have had butterflies once or twice, but they didn't amount to much. Actually, I guess they really didn't amount to anything. What good are butterflies if they aren't mutual anyway?? Even if they were, can't butterflies fly away as easily as they came?

I asked this question in an earlier post " When someone marries a partner because they are a good stable person even though the fire and butterfly feeling isn't there, is that settling? Or is that making a choice and/or a sacrifice?" Well, I ask that again, more seriously. Is this worth investigating to see if this.... fits? I am currently thinking of relationships as clothes buying. There are those clothes that you'd love to have but the cut or style would just never look good on you or the clothes that make you look and feel great, but you can't afford. These are the folks that you fall for but they have no interest in you. Then you have the clothes that you look great in and you can afford. These are those precious mutual butterfly, mutual interest, born for each other types. Ladies, you know how often that happens. Then you have the clothes that you love, that look great on you, that you can afford, and that only last about 7 wearings before they snag, shrink, have a hole, tear, rip, or some other malfunction that ruins that initial purchase perfection. Then you have the clothes that you may not look the best in, but are comfortable and reliable -those Wal-mart Hanes sweatsuits. Lastly you have the clothes that look like crap and feel like crap on you. Try not to buy those.

So how do you figure out which situation it is?? I guess you have to try them on. Is that what dating is, trying people on?? And how many times do you try something on before you determine whether you like the fit or not?? I personally am tired of finding clothes that either I can't stand, or clothes that make me feel great, but I can't afford. Maybe settling or searching for that great pair of sweats for comfort isn't so bad??? So I don't look to kill. There are no butterflies, or excitement spawned stomach turns. Is that so bad? Or it that a recipe for regret later??

Ugh !!!! Maybe I should consider the nunnery. Less hassle.

Happenings now: warm fuzzies and hmmmmms

It seems my desire to write stuff here comes and goes, but here is a "come's" evening.

#1 - I'd really like some snow as I have attended school related events ceaselessly since school began. Come on !!! One of the perks of teaching are snow days!!!!

#2 - In the past 3-4 days, I have received so many touching statements from former students and parents of former students saying how my teaching or being a part of my class has influenced them. I cannot tell you the meaning of these little emails or Facebook messages. They mean the world to me and inspire me more than money. Honestly. Although more money would be an awesome thing, knowing that what I do actually matters to someone is awesome - in every meaning of the word. And who said words were powerless??

#3 - There's a situation "brewing" and I'm not quite sure how to play it.Ok, that terminology is a bit crass, but there is untraveled territory to be seen and I am actually nervous about how to .... navigate it. There... is that better?

So this past weekend was another "band" thing. Shocker. Anyway, this one involved JH band directors and students, not my usual high school clan. Now in order to offer any sort of understanding, let me provide a wee bit of history.

When I first moved out here to the Springs, the school music program had next to nothing - not many instruments and not much of a library to speak of. So,I went around and introduced myself at some of the school district meetings and met my fellow band compadres. There were these 2 gentleman at a JH called..... well let's leave that out. Never know who reads this stuff. Anyway, they were like the dynamic duo, super friendly, super talented and had a kick butt junior high (JH) band program. They were both easy on the eyes, but one was married and at the time, the status of the other was undetermined. (I was married anyway at the time, so all that is really meaningless anyway).

2 or 3 years ago this dynamic duo broke up ( seriously, it was like a divorce in the band world) because one wanted to teach at the school where his kids would attend ( other end of the district) The guy who stayed got an assistant/co director with which he is less than enthusiast about. We have something in common there.

Well, last month, my assistant over paid this director for this JH honor band. The receiving director emailed us both about the overpayment and asked how we'd like that handled. The assistant answered very correctly. I hate dry emails as I receive over 100 work related emails daily ( no joke) so I responded something like we'd hunt him down if we didn't get that money back. He replied playfully, and we joked a little bit more. All innocuous fun. Then I saw him at a conference where we had a really good work related conversation - that was really great. I saw him again there and he introduced me to his son. Then at this honor band thing, all was good, but weird. Do you know the "weird" I am referring to? It's that feeling when you think someone likes you ( "likes you" likes you) or when you might think you might like them, but you don't want to send wrong signals and make things more weird or simply scare them off or you don't want to seem to eager or something, so your interactions are almost stifled, weird. Well, that was this weekend. He's fun to hang out with in the group. He's a somewhat willing participant but not an initiator. You kinda need to create the topic of conversation before he'll engage in it. ( sound familiar?)

We have exchanged a little Facebook messaging and I now have the phone numbers. Well, over the last 7 years or so, my phone skills have deteriorated greatly. I don't cold call anymore unless I am pissed and need something done or fixed. But I don't think that's the bigger concern here.

He's older than me. Now I have always sought older men because of the generality that they are more mature and the whole "leader" conceptual thing. But when I thought older, I thought 1-5 years. Well, he's in his mid forties. With 2 teenagers. How would this work?? And he's a colleague. What if things went unpleasantly?? What would that do??

But he seems like a really nice guy and the dating pool hasn't been overflowing with overly viable options. I just don't know.

I kinda would like to get to know him on a level other than colleague, but geesh, I don't even really remember how to date past date #1. And such an older fella? How do you know if there are expectations or a timeline or something?? And what if it did work?? I don't know.

So this is the latest consternation. If you have thoughts or ideas, please comment. Otherwise, wait for more of the tale of 2 band directors. Worst case, I'm making a mountain out of a molehill ( another specialty of mine ).