Quote of the day

Don't be afraid of being wrong. But love when you are right.

RE: confidence

Belief, want and need

While I was driving home from the conductors symposium, I was thinking about the events and information presented at the event and trying to process it all. One thing I realized, or that I appreciate is that music educators, especially the most respected ones at the collegiate level, are some of the most enlightened and inspired people I have ever encountered. Music education, and education in the US in general, is in an age of uncertainty and floundering direction. It is so easy to be discouraged or to feel as if all you are is overworked and undervalued. The lecturing conductors helped to remind us, or me at least, that education of any sort is not about the now, but rather the later. Inspiring anyone to think, evaluate, challenge, describe, find alternatives, and give them some of the tools necessary to arrive at these goals, is a vision and a goal that may not be immediately seen. I know that I didn't appreciate half of the valuable teachers in my school years until I was out well of their presence, yet I remember them and the lessons they taught all too well. I may not fully appreciate mathematics to this very day, but I know that Mr. Frasier loved it, and I did in that precal class what I did for him. I wish I had encouraged myself to seek further application than filling a page with a 20 or more step proof.

One of the things these gentlemen said in their closing statemenst was, "surround yourself with quality people and you will become a quality person". Though sometimes this seems more challenging than others, I so believe this statement.

Another thing the emphasized over the 2 days was to teach the "feeling" or the "emotion" of the music. This is how I listen to music ( which is why I can only take hard rock and metal in small doses - too angry sounding) but I never realized how challenging this feat is for others. We listened to a few pieces and the one Maestro asked us to think of emotional descriptions of the excerpts. There were many in attendance who had trouble doing this. This is my main mission in my classroom. To help students have a reaction to music, whatever it may be. I forget who said it, but there is a quote that begins "Art/music begins where words end"

As I was thinking about these things, and trying to synthesize them when I began to take it in a different direction. It began in the direction of relationship and then I realized it transpires far beyond that. I began with the idea that a person is a collection of what they believe, what they need, and what they want. Perception is a persons reality, so therefore their belief system - right, wrong, good, bad, correct, incorrect, genius, ignorance, need, desire is the basis of who they are and how they act. Although fact can't be altered, perception can.

This collection of things guide peoples choices. They drive a particular car, purchase a home, befriend a person, subscribe to a religion, etc based upon a belief of a perception, a want or a need (even if that is only perceived).

Have you ever wanted or believed that you needed something that was bad for you? A bad decision, a relationship, a job, etc. simply because of of your beliefs, wants or needs? Where you aware that your .... perception or hierarchy of want and need was askew and you weren't aware of it? (The easiest analogy is the girl digging the bad boy type.) What was the result? Did you discover that the thing was "a poor choice" on your own? Did someone help to change your perception? Did an experience? Do you still want that " poor choice" even though you know it is a poor choice? Can you honestly tell yourself that?

A former student of mine, I guess 3 years ago now, delivered a graduation address with the message "What are you doing"? I think that question is one people should ask themselves on a fairly frequent basis, but then follow it with "Why are you doing it?"... for what purpose, result, goal?

How do you convince yourself to make the "right" choice when your perception of want or need drive you elsewhere? How do you make the choice that fills the need but may neglect the want? The choice that fits the perception of practical, but perhaps not the one of aesthetic? Is that what "settling" is? When I sacrifice perfection on a piece I select for the kids for the experience and exposure to it, is that settling?" When someone buys a smaller home so that they can afford their kids swimming lessons and soccer clubs, is that settling?" When someone marries a partner because they are a good stable person even though the fire and butterfly feeling isn't there, is that settling? Or is that making a choice and/or a sacrifice?

If you know you keep making poor choices is a specific arena - finances, relationships, music literature, etc, how does one change the belief, the want, the need, or their apparent hierarchy to one another in order to make wiser decisions?

I just arrived to this thought trail with the questions, " What if there was a thing you really wanted, or really thought you wanted, but you believe or even know that you can't have it? And what if you have had this want, this vision for so long that it is almost a part of you? How do you let that go without losing part of yourself? Or is letting go of the want, and the results of that the continual creation of who you are becoming?"

This could be a career goal, a personal image, parenthood, etc.

Not sure how I got here from a conductors symposium, but I know it had to do with the messages and the music. We heard music that was 'longing' 'anxiety' 'angst' ' hope' 'freedom' 'sturm and drang' etc. These composers had to have felt those things in order to write music having it. And one of our jobs is to help our students "translate" that. One of the points of contention was that teachers are making bad music choices teaching our students to appreciate 'bad' music - music that doesn't express anything, that doesn't say anything. And some of us are driven to, or drawn to bad music. They were offering suggestions on how to improve a directors selection processes.

I just wondered how many of us get stuck in a personal or professional rut for essentially the same reason, we are drawn to bad choices. How do we change our schema, our perception, our structure and understanding of want and need in order to make better choices? Can we help others do the same?

Another big message was "take risks" but I'll save processing fallout from that on another day.

Guess I'll keep with this whole music thing for at least another year :-)

Good concert tonight

There's much to say here, but I'm fried. So the conclusion is that my kids did a "great" job on their concert. The younger, potentially less motivated, less experienced group played 2 band numbers most wouldn't know by name. The cool thing is that 2 of the clarinet players are 8th graders and the best clarinets in that band!!!! They did a pretty good job. Mostly pleasing sounds and no train wrecks.

The wind Ensemble, my essential band nerds did very well. We did a tribute to Leroy Anderson. Although the woodwinds were hating life ( in Anderson, the woodwinds replace the strings in the orchestral parts i.e a LOT of notes that go very fast) they executed pretty well. We did Irish Washerwoman, Bugler's Holiday ( which the trumpeters did very nicely in) and of course Sleigh Ride. Did you know Mr. Anderson wrote Sleigh Ride in a heat wave?? I think that's hilarious.

So, this begins our spring concert season. The Symphonic band has 2 more concerts before the end of the year and Wind Ensemble..... eh.... well they have a minimum of 4. Gettin' 'er done in Bandland. Time for more vitamins and, for the moment, bed. It's gonna be a busy spring :-)

Monday

Monday's just suck. This one actually wasn't terrible, but seemed to last forever. Funny how that tends to happen on the first day of the week. Well, only 4 more to go. :-)

Weekend Update

This weekend was fairly unremarkable I guess. Mostly consumed with Honor Band stuff. I always smile thinking about when bunch of band nerds get together. It's like we all commune with one another, sharing stories of literature, classroom woes, budget concerns, trips and funny stories etc. It's like there is this common bond so that whether you have known a person for 2 years or 2 days, you have this awesome thing in common. It's one of those situations where you rarely have to go to the good ole weather standby for a conversation piece. Do computer geeks, architects, dentists, etc feel the same way when they congregate??

One of the guest conductors is 52. That's not all that remarkable, but as he was downing his 2nd or 3rd cocktail, he and I began discussing children. He mentioned that he and his wife just had a baby!!! Wow!! At 52 with a 0 year old. But as he talked about it, it was funny how unshocked I was. He seemed to be a very alive man with a great deal of energy and things to offer. But, after time had passed, I did register what a risk that may have been. I mean, I wonder if he and his wife talked and tried for this or if it was one of those happy surprises. Now was is well, but as he mentioned, he can't help but wonder what things will look like in 15 years.Well regardless, I wish them the best. These things do remind me that although the circumstances were less than ideal, having my son at 23 was a wonderful thing. I do wonder if and when I'll ride that ride again, and if and when I'll decide when it's no longer feasible.... if the decision isn't made for me before that. As of now, circumstances more favorable than the last run, I think I'd like to have another one or two. If that's not to be though, I am very happy and grateful for my one. :-)

The concert was very fine as well. It's impressive to see what a group of high schoolers can synthesize in 2+ days of rehearsal. It's inspirational even.

Today Little C and I worked on school work. Kiddo seems to be getting hammered as he had math, 1 paragraph, 1 paper and a spelling contract to tackle, but I also think some of that may be that he may not be using some of his classtime wisely. Ah,the adventures of academia begin. His imagination is great, but his ability to write and put together information and detailneeds some attention. Glasses up to webs, outlines, rough drafts and revisions. Good times. :-L

Well there it is. My exciting life ;-). Here's looking forward to a week of concerts and a convention in Greeley. At least we get next Monday off. w00t!!!!

Quote of the day

" I have heard it said that love is friendship on fire".

Update -1

I'm on my way

Not much to say today. One major event - passport application completed and sent away. I am told I should have it by mid to late February. One step closer !!!!! Ooooooh.. I am so excited!!!! Hip-hip-hooray !!!!

A new day of sour notes

Alright, I have a reputation for saying...... unwise, or politically incorrect things sometimes, but today in my one class, I exceeded all expectation. Thank goodness no one was supervising.

Things to note -

1) Ta or "tah" is a form of articulation in instrument pedagogy

2) I am on medication and slightly sleep deprived

3) I can sink quicker than many

So it started by me telling my female tenor sax player in a section of 2 other males to play "more manly". She was playing too soft to be able to control her sound, but this was the best instruction I could offer. Needless to say, it wasn't that great.

Next, we had a passage that required a staccato or separated articulation. This was to be achieved by going ta-ta, using the front of the tongue to more definitely interrupt the air stream. So I proceeded to instruct, "We need more "ta-ta" , bigger "ta-ta"" Well, the purity and innocence of my little protected school must be depleting as over half the class erupted into laughter. Great. Once I realized what made them laughed, I chuckled and little and then jokingly scolded them for being inappropriate. Not two seconds later I said, no joke, "That performance was so dull, so flat. What happened to the "ta-ta"? " For the love of all that is holy, I couldn't seem to redirect articulation instruction to a less.... feminine variety. After the laughter got going again, I chuckled myself because of course, I went there too. They asked what I was laughing at and, having no sensor due to medication and lack of sleep I replied, "I guess that was the male version of our performance" Luckily only a few got it. It's sad when you get that parental side to side head shake from high school adolescents.

Better start that job hunt sooner than later ;-)

This one time..... in band class. Ah, what my students will remember about me. :- L.

Gotta love the meat!!

No this is not a sexual post.

I just purchased meat from this door meat vendor ( still not a sexual post) No joke. These nice gentlemen came to the door soliciting stuff similar to Omaha Steaks, but distributed from a vendor here in Denver and the Springs, and was offering this crazy deal on Fillet Mignon, flank steak ( I think) T bone steak, and chicken in various marinades. Since the freezer was fairly empty, I bartered a bit and got myself some steak and chicken!!! It looks really yummy, but I guess I have to look up how to cook it now, huh??? Damn it Jim!!! ;-) Here's hoping that the grill can handle anything.

Weekend project. Whose coming over for dinner??? Bev???

At least I already know how to make chicken. :-) I'm feeling some chicken cutlets coming on !!!

Sinus Infection = bleh

Ok, after getting way too little sleep last night I booked a visit to the doctor. Diagnosis, sinus infection. Yucky !!! But at least is isn't the usual upper respiratory distress who-ha it normally is this time of year. I'm beginning to think that I become ill immediately following any trip to Chicago. Perhaps I should request that the Midwest band clinic take place less midwesty..... like Connecticut :-).

But I now have drugs. Here's hoping with that, the ole immune system will give it the ole one-two and I'll be better by the concert next week. That'd be nice.

Well, in my few hours home alone before picking up kiddo, it's time for another round of Pride and Prejudice. For those of us without significant others, there is always Hollywood to base your dreams upon ;-).

Early bedtime.... boo

Last night, or should I say yesterday morning we arrived back in CO. Our flight was delayed ( shocker.... as that was the theme of this years holiday travel) so we didn't even arrive in CO until around 11:30/11:45. Then about 8 flights were using the same luggage carosel as ours so it took 35 minutes to retrieve the luggage. Maybe more but I was falling asleep while waiting. Then once the luggage and the car were gotten, its a 45 minute trip back to my sisters home. My son fell asleep on her sofa ( an oddity for him) and I retired at about 1:45am. Not good as some kind of sinus slime decided to consume my head. Well, needless to say I did not go to work today. I slept as much as I good. The slime is making an exit and seemingly decreasing, but it still ain't pretty.

I decided I should go to my orchestra rehearsal, which wasn't terrible for a sightreading session and .... he let us go early. But now, as I have been used to going to bed between midnight and 1am, it is a bit after ten, and I have to go to bed. I much rather still attempt to win this stupid iTouch game or tinker on the laptop, but I fear the responsible thing is to go to bed.

Waaaaaahh!!! I don't want to !!!! Alas...... back to reality. :-(

And for the unexplained countdown ( let's see if I can commit to this) +/- 0 . Next update no later than Friday. Wish me luck !!!!

New Years declaration

Over the last couple days, as I fight this really yucky cold, I am thinking 2 things.

a) I think I need to make a "bucket list" or at least a "getter done in 2010" list. Some of the things I want to put on it you ask? Well....

1. Go to Europe :-)

2. Go to a beach w/Christian

3. Clean the interior upholstery of the car

4. See the new Harry Potter flick ( too bad I lost my HP movie viewing buddy :-( )

5. Go to Austria some New Years ( not this year, obviously)

6. Start savings account to take Christian to Disney before age 14

7. Go skiing in Colorado :-) Yup, I really haven't done that yet :-(

8. Go ski diving

9. Climb Pikes Peak again... at least to Barr Camp, but would like to get to the apex once

10. Jog the incline

11. Go camping in Rocky Mountain National State Park

There may be more, but I'll start there for now.

The second thing on my mind was something that always appears there after most visits back to MD, well... at least as of 2 years ago. This thing is the apparent need to press on a personal bruise. I think the new decade may persuade me to discontinue this emotionally painful and debilitating process and direct these energies elsewhere. Boy I hope so. ( I'm probably not alone in that wish) But that hope piece is a pisser.

I have to accept some responsibility as I am too inhibited to say things that I want to say at the times that maybe I should say them, but.... like many Americians, I defer total responsibility. :-) It's easier to offer food to someone if they drop the hint that they are hungry, right? Someone offered the wise statement, "if something was gonna happen it would have happened already". Yup. There it is. Truth. Ugh !!!!!

You don't need to be told what is being said so loud in silence. It's nice however, to know that I'm not the only one stubborn enough to want to be told. :-) Thanks BM !!!

So 2010, here's to good times, good friends and good memories. Let's make them wonderful!!!!

But if we could address the good health portion sooner rather than later.......... :-)