What do you think? It is said that if you want someone to act differently to or with you, you have to enact change on your end first. Well, have you ever felt that you try to act differently yet around someone you know, yet their persistent behavior facilitates you returning to the prior behavior?
My thought here - the beauty in moving away from somewhere you are known is that you have a clean slate. Have you ever felt that after you have been classified or pigeon-holed that you can't change the way people act around you?
Not a current problem, just a thought. A convoluted, ambiguous thought :-)
4 comments:
I don't know that you can, or should even try, to affect change in someone else. Therein lies maddness. I think it better to understand what your needs are and to express them. If the other person(s) are unable or unwilling to help meet those needs move on. That is the way I look at it now, anyway.
I hear you.
I don't know that I agree with you totally though. Personally, you know one whole tado where I should have cut my losses way earlier, but let's take a different scenario. Professionally, if a kid doesn't get the way I teach them, the only options I have are to change the way I present information or be ok with the lack of acquisition. The kid may be able to change their way of learning over time, but if I want immediate change in the outcome, I need to change first.
For parenting, if yelling isn't working...uh... stop yelling. Start talking or doing something instead.
I think relationships "sometimes" work that way, if a party is willing to sacrifice something to get there - even if it's just effort. In round one for me, I knew what I wanted and I knew what he wanted. I wasn't getting mine so I was unwilling to give his. ( sounds very childish when put that way) I wasn't willing to give something dear to me up for the possibility of improvement. Too shady of a history for such a hefty investment. Faith had already been maimed.
I'm also hoping that isn't a permanent flaw - waiting to get in order to give. I know someone, someday will be worth a lot of self sacrifice and will return the investment in their own way in their own time. Right now, that's family mostly, students partly, music fully.
Perhaps TMI, huh?? :-)
I think in the case of your own child or in a teaching environment it is a different deal then a relationship between peers.
However, in personal relationships - romantic or friendship - if there isn't a pretty fair level of acceptance from the get go you are going to be in for more hurt than not.
Ideally you wouldn't have to sacrafice but this isn't a perfect world. I think the danger is in sacraficing too much.
Devil's advocate.... I think all relationships work similiarly. I like what you said about acceptance. But I also think intrinsic parts are respect, communication, adaptability, and the willingness to sacrifice/ be inconvenienced (as needed) for the benefit of the other party.
In personal relationships, I think it's all about accepting one another and mutually putting the other first. i don't know what the proper amount is, but, i do strongly feel that when the "he" puts her needs (not wants) first (not totally disregarding his own, but putting his lower on the food chain) and when "she" puts his needs first (ditto to the other parenthesis), and both parties can trust in that, you have a recipe for success. And that recipe, I can testify to, is hard as hell and contains a heck of a lot of sacrifice.
When you know your partner loves you as much or more than themself, and you love them before yourself, you both get your needs met ( provided you've discussed your needs first).... but from the other party.
Although not a perfect replica, and would be sick if it were, a male/female relationship is a lot like a friendship/parent relationship...... with bene's of course. You take care of one another. That's your job. You sacrifice because the other party needs you to. You do so without reservation because you know and trust that when you are in need, they will be there for you too.
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