My rule: if I choose not to be sarcastic to someone, I must hate them. If I think I can't, I won't like them anyway.
I'm just saying.......
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Sarcasm- the missing love language
Service, gift giving, quality time, touch, one and can't remember and the missing one...... sarcasm. How did they ever miss that?? The folks who wrote that book played with one too many Care Bears and received one too few Hallmark "Maxine" cards.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Geek Speak
It's almost as funny as band nerd jokes.
Internet: where men are women, women are men, and children are FBI agents
When life is crashing down on you, check for missing semi-colons.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
People say that if you play Microsoft CD’s backwards, you hear satanic things, but that’s nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.
The ultimate metric that I would like to propose for user friendliness is quite simple: if this system was a person, how long would it take before you punched it in the nose?
Always program as if the person who will be maintaining your program is a violent psychopath that knows where you live.
Artificial Intelligence: The art of making real computers act like the ones in movies.
A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.
I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'Outlook not so good'. I said: 'Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway'.
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.
Real men don't use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.
From a student's Facebook page:
Tux speaking "Failure isn't an option. However it does come pre-bundled with Windows." I laughed at that one :-)
When life is crashing down on you, check for missing semi-colons.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
People say that if you play Microsoft CD’s backwards, you hear satanic things, but that’s nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.
The ultimate metric that I would like to propose for user friendliness is quite simple: if this system was a person, how long would it take before you punched it in the nose?
Always program as if the person who will be maintaining your program is a violent psychopath that knows where you live.
Artificial Intelligence: The art of making real computers act like the ones in movies.
A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.
I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'Outlook not so good'. I said: 'Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway'.
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.
Real men don't use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies.
Ah.... so clever.
Monday, January 26, 2009
I wish... I wish
I wish for... at least a two hour delay. Come on two hour delay !!!! Or even, snow day. Come on, come on, come on. Big money, no whammies !!!!
:-)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Prayer for Bobby
As I flip from channel to channel I came upon this movie. I got stuck. It's more poignant than I can describe.
The thought that comes to my mind, as I watch children in the conservative school I teach in, is it's so important to thoughtfully accept people - not necessarily their actions. It is not wrong to question a person about who they are, if for clarity. It is not alright to judge. It is also not wrong for the person asking to like or dislike their answers to the questions. It is wrong for them to judge them and disclose judgement, especially when that judgement is critical or accusatory for the answers or life choices shared.
Even God never gave the power for man to judge man - meaning their worthiness or sacredness of being human. According to scripture, that one solely belongs to him. Yet man all too often entitles himself as accurate judge of man. And it all starts in elementary school - cool vs uncool, proper vs improper, acceptable vs unacceptable, greater vs less.
Why do people persecute the harmless and fear the harmful? This is one of the ugly truths seen all too often in schools.
When I can, I am anxious to see the entire movie.
And I'll remember to ask when I think someone is not worthy of patience, effort, or understanding, "Who the hell are you to call them unworthy? Who said you were?"
Difference is not a problem to be fixed, merely a description to be recognized and understood.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Back to daily life
Ah, back to the world I know best... wake up ( or try to) at 5:45-6:00am work from 7:30-5:00pm, go home to attempt dinner and homework assistance or some other rehearsal or work related thing from 5:30-7pm or to 10pm. Find time for cleaning my home, and sleep.
Today - that's Saturday mind you; honor band from 9-3, errands from 3:20-4:30 lesson 5-6 and honor band concert from 7-9:30 then socialize with other large masses of adult band nerds from 9:45-11pm.
One of the clinicians was talking to one of his graduates saying " One of the great things in our profession is that you meet many people with similiar lives and interests" Very true. Band nerds adhere to one another like magnets to refrigerators.
That same clinician noted "The secret of a true musician..... having no life but music" Boy, I hope that's not true..... yet I fear it's all too so. Hmmm, maybe I need to find another hobby.... that I don't have time for ;-)
Yet with all of this, no time for wallowing or deep thought. Survival of the fittest, back in action.
Newly favored band piece - "Sleep" by Eric Whitacre.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
Pride and Prejudice
I LOVE this movie !!!! Not the one with Kiera Knightly mind you, the older BBC version with Colin Firth ( another personal favorite).
If not inclined to watch based upon my fervor, watch as a cultural expression or just because you might have many hours to kill and in some part enjoy that period of time. It is one of those that give you tingles in your fingers it's so good.
A persons character is crucial in developing relationship and this movie does a great job of exploring that via a compelling story.
Character.... now there's another topic. It would be interesting to see what people thought of others character, but I suppose the only ways to know that are truthful disclosure and, heaven forbid, gossip.
Ok, back to the movie. (That's for me, not you :-))
BTW - I am writing this from my condo now furnished with Internet. Praise techies !!!!!!
Thursday, January 01, 2009
And it keeps going and going
Let me preface this by thanking all those places with Wi-Fi. Thank you for feeding the addiction....
As the diarrhea of thought pours out and onto this blog, I get a chance to read and hear what others may hear from me. Hmmmmm…. Interesting.
Ok, so the last entry. I can clearly understand how in a discussion someone may think that I am bitter. I swear I am not. Trying to figure something out, yes perhaps, but not bitter. The element that was missing from the entry was simple, yet obviously easily overlooked – tact. I am a firm believer that not only what you say but the manner in which you say it means a lot. I’ll digress to that specific soapbox latter.
But back to the whole “truth” idea. I think it is beneficial philosophy, although at the moment, yes, also a little self serving. Good truth is always easy to speak – I love this coffee, your house is beautiful, you look great, etc. There’s no harm in saying such things and sharing good news many times can feel good to the deliverer as well as the delivereree.
In areas of conflict or dissent, this isn’t the case, is it? It can be hard to say “You aren’t performing at the expected level” or “You don’t smell so good” or “ I don’t like you”. For some people, such talk comes far too easy, as if they don’t care at all how the receiving party may react. Granted, this may not always be a bad thing, but can’t be good for any relational dealing at the beginning. Only people who are aware of someone having such a trait and then being accepting of it can be in such a person’s close circles, I guess, but even they, I have to suspect, run the risk of getting hurt by such an inconsiderate brandishing tongue.
But, I think relationally speaking ,the truth is vital. From, “No, I don’t really like that restaurant very much but I’ll join you “ to “ I just don’t think things are working out anymore”. Both begin to prevent someone misconstruing the situation although both may also require further explanation to satisfy the other party…. or it may not. For me, more detail is required. ;-) “I don’t like that restaurant because the chicken is often overdone and the food is terribly overpriced” or “ I saw a waitress spit into someone’s drink and have been pretty turned off ever since” or “ I had stomach issues after my last visit there”. None of these explanations may change the other parties mind, but at least then they know that there is a reason for the statement, and that makes the statement easier to understand and even accept.
For the other statement, things like, “ We’ve been arguing a great deal lately and I’m beginning to feel uncomfortable getting together” or “ I don’t feel we share enough common interests to make this work” or “ I have had some great times with you, but I don’t feel that special something that would make me want to work at this relationship for the long haul.” or “ I don’t feel intimately attracted to you” - these may do the trick.
Of course any one of those reasons may hurt the other person, but so could them not knowing. I can’t imagine being intimate with someone who was thinking “ I don’t feel intimately attracted to you” once, more or less several times, just because the person couldn’t say it. And if it did happen once and then someone fessed up... well chalk it up to a "learning experience" and hope it was good. Besides, if someone really feels that way, there’s the strong likelihood the experience itself would be fairly miserable for the other person as well.
The more negative the news, the more difficult it can be to share, especially if care any iota about the person. But to me, "that" is the news that can help answer the deadly, perpetual question, “Why?”
I don’t know if guys brood over this question like girls do, but girls do. “Why did he break up with me?” “Why does he like her?” “Why didn’t he call?” “Why did he say that?” Why didn’t he say this?” “Why doesn’t he like me?”
The girl most likely would not like the answer to many of these questions, or the answer could be quite innocuous, but the girl is asking. If negative, truth may bring unsettled or unpleasant feelings, but the question was answered. It’s not knowing that can drive people insane and it’s not knowing that drives people to educate themselves. In relationships, that can develop into tenuous situations.
What are people entitled to know and what aren’t they? I have no idea. Ok, that’s not entirely honest. I’m not going to tell a stranger that my personal relationship is moving to quickly and I’m not sure what to do, but I may tell a trusted co-worker. I also realize that’s just me. I think the depth or potential value of a relationship can be partly determined by either parties ability and willingness to share information with one another.
Sterile information holds no risk. “Weather is great. Today is Monday. Toshiba is a good brand.” But, “I’m getting a divorce”, or “I’m thinking of quitting my job," or "Things aren’t so great financially” these are a little more personal. More risk is involved. And then when you get to “He’s cheating on me”, “ I feel ________ “, “ I need ________” these are very personal and a high risk. These statements imply trust. I guess sometimes the outspoken may give this trust to an unwilling participant??
From the feminine perspective, to trust a person with non personal facts, aka small talk is inconsequential. To trust one with feelings and thereby part of themselves, this is crucial and necessary, but also scary. I don’t know whether guys thinks of feelings this way, but let me guarantee that it is so. For a recipient of such sentiment and to handle it in obtuse, obscure ways is the like for a person to key to a precious automobile or to take a 5 year developed program and change every third word of code to “butt” and delete the last years efforts, just for the hell of it. It's just as detrimental as being cruel, if not more so.... it's just the passive way of doing it. ( and I sadly know that I have done that myself)
As the diarrhea of thought pours out and onto this blog, I get a chance to read and hear what others may hear from me. Hmmmmm…. Interesting.
Ok, so the last entry. I can clearly understand how in a discussion someone may think that I am bitter. I swear I am not. Trying to figure something out, yes perhaps, but not bitter. The element that was missing from the entry was simple, yet obviously easily overlooked – tact. I am a firm believer that not only what you say but the manner in which you say it means a lot. I’ll digress to that specific soapbox latter.
But back to the whole “truth” idea. I think it is beneficial philosophy, although at the moment, yes, also a little self serving. Good truth is always easy to speak – I love this coffee, your house is beautiful, you look great, etc. There’s no harm in saying such things and sharing good news many times can feel good to the deliverer as well as the delivereree.
In areas of conflict or dissent, this isn’t the case, is it? It can be hard to say “You aren’t performing at the expected level” or “You don’t smell so good” or “ I don’t like you”. For some people, such talk comes far too easy, as if they don’t care at all how the receiving party may react. Granted, this may not always be a bad thing, but can’t be good for any relational dealing at the beginning. Only people who are aware of someone having such a trait and then being accepting of it can be in such a person’s close circles, I guess, but even they, I have to suspect, run the risk of getting hurt by such an inconsiderate brandishing tongue.
But, I think relationally speaking ,the truth is vital. From, “No, I don’t really like that restaurant very much but I’ll join you “ to “ I just don’t think things are working out anymore”. Both begin to prevent someone misconstruing the situation although both may also require further explanation to satisfy the other party…. or it may not. For me, more detail is required. ;-) “I don’t like that restaurant because the chicken is often overdone and the food is terribly overpriced” or “ I saw a waitress spit into someone’s drink and have been pretty turned off ever since” or “ I had stomach issues after my last visit there”. None of these explanations may change the other parties mind, but at least then they know that there is a reason for the statement, and that makes the statement easier to understand and even accept.
For the other statement, things like, “ We’ve been arguing a great deal lately and I’m beginning to feel uncomfortable getting together” or “ I don’t feel we share enough common interests to make this work” or “ I have had some great times with you, but I don’t feel that special something that would make me want to work at this relationship for the long haul.” or “ I don’t feel intimately attracted to you” - these may do the trick.
Of course any one of those reasons may hurt the other person, but so could them not knowing. I can’t imagine being intimate with someone who was thinking “ I don’t feel intimately attracted to you” once, more or less several times, just because the person couldn’t say it. And if it did happen once and then someone fessed up... well chalk it up to a "learning experience" and hope it was good. Besides, if someone really feels that way, there’s the strong likelihood the experience itself would be fairly miserable for the other person as well.
The more negative the news, the more difficult it can be to share, especially if care any iota about the person. But to me, "that" is the news that can help answer the deadly, perpetual question, “Why?”
I don’t know if guys brood over this question like girls do, but girls do. “Why did he break up with me?” “Why does he like her?” “Why didn’t he call?” “Why did he say that?” Why didn’t he say this?” “Why doesn’t he like me?”
The girl most likely would not like the answer to many of these questions, or the answer could be quite innocuous, but the girl is asking. If negative, truth may bring unsettled or unpleasant feelings, but the question was answered. It’s not knowing that can drive people insane and it’s not knowing that drives people to educate themselves. In relationships, that can develop into tenuous situations.
What are people entitled to know and what aren’t they? I have no idea. Ok, that’s not entirely honest. I’m not going to tell a stranger that my personal relationship is moving to quickly and I’m not sure what to do, but I may tell a trusted co-worker. I also realize that’s just me. I think the depth or potential value of a relationship can be partly determined by either parties ability and willingness to share information with one another.
Sterile information holds no risk. “Weather is great. Today is Monday. Toshiba is a good brand.” But, “I’m getting a divorce”, or “I’m thinking of quitting my job," or "Things aren’t so great financially” these are a little more personal. More risk is involved. And then when you get to “He’s cheating on me”, “ I feel ________ “, “ I need ________” these are very personal and a high risk. These statements imply trust. I guess sometimes the outspoken may give this trust to an unwilling participant??
From the feminine perspective, to trust a person with non personal facts, aka small talk is inconsequential. To trust one with feelings and thereby part of themselves, this is crucial and necessary, but also scary. I don’t know whether guys thinks of feelings this way, but let me guarantee that it is so. For a recipient of such sentiment and to handle it in obtuse, obscure ways is the like for a person to key to a precious automobile or to take a 5 year developed program and change every third word of code to “butt” and delete the last years efforts, just for the hell of it. It's just as detrimental as being cruel, if not more so.... it's just the passive way of doing it. ( and I sadly know that I have done that myself)
That, the value of sentiment, may be one of the differences between men and women, but the understanding has to be there, or at least a valiant attempt at it. This is what I feel is meant when they say “One should treasure the other”. And ladies, we must learn to appreciate the man's space and tools too :-) The "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" book does a nice job of discussing this.
Ok, as expected, I have left one topic and am not quite sure in what direction this next rambling is headed, so I will stop. Why? Because I feel I have belabored this topic enough today and, when I am ready to think on it again, want to at least have some feeling of purpose and direction of the topic……. Even if it all could just be kaka. ☺
Ok, as expected, I have left one topic and am not quite sure in what direction this next rambling is headed, so I will stop. Why? Because I feel I have belabored this topic enough today and, when I am ready to think on it again, want to at least have some feeling of purpose and direction of the topic……. Even if it all could just be kaka. ☺
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Emerson had it right
As I just recessed from that last "thing" - we'll see if I actually finish it - I think about the dictum "Simplify, simplify, simplify". Why is that so "complicated, complicated,complicated"
As I stop to hear the news, they are talking about relationships and passion. Geesh.
Here's one "She/he's is just not that into you". Truth hurts... but thought hurts too :-).
I'm not angry ( at least I don't think I am. I'm just.... seeking.... honesty maybe?)
When you break up with someone, don't go for nice. Go with things like, "Yeah, you're just too ugly for me" or "You look great. It's your personality that sucks" or "I was just with you for the sex. I've got something better now, so thanks, but see ya" I'm not angry here I swear... just thinking of ways to make the end of relationships easier.
I remember a time in college that this guy liked me but I didn't return the same feelings. He bucked up and said something (I really admire him for that) I told him that I really did like him, but not in a romantic sort of way. I could see he was hurt, but all was good in the end. And we were good.... at least I thought so. I remember a situation in college going the other way too. I told him I was interested and the fellow just shut down and it took like 3 months to get back to a semblance of normalcy. I spoke to his friends more than I spoke to him. But it worked. I had no interest in him about a week later. I was over it and he was wierd. In the end of that, I was more amused than distressed.
Why do we make it so hard?? Just say how you feel !!!!
Beginnings are often kinda fun. Ends stink.
As I stop to hear the news, they are talking about relationships and passion. Geesh.
Here's one "She/he's is just not that into you". Truth hurts... but thought hurts too :-).
I'm not angry ( at least I don't think I am. I'm just.... seeking.... honesty maybe?)
When you break up with someone, don't go for nice. Go with things like, "Yeah, you're just too ugly for me" or "You look great. It's your personality that sucks" or "I was just with you for the sex. I've got something better now, so thanks, but see ya" I'm not angry here I swear... just thinking of ways to make the end of relationships easier.
I remember a time in college that this guy liked me but I didn't return the same feelings. He bucked up and said something (I really admire him for that) I told him that I really did like him, but not in a romantic sort of way. I could see he was hurt, but all was good in the end. And we were good.... at least I thought so. I remember a situation in college going the other way too. I told him I was interested and the fellow just shut down and it took like 3 months to get back to a semblance of normalcy. I spoke to his friends more than I spoke to him. But it worked. I had no interest in him about a week later. I was over it and he was wierd. In the end of that, I was more amused than distressed.
Why do we make it so hard?? Just say how you feel !!!!
Beginnings are often kinda fun. Ends stink.
Relationships - part x
(NOTE: How do you indent in html???????)
My head hurts so much from thinking about this topic lately, that I almost (mind I say almost) can't wait for school to begin again to distract me from it. ( Although what is school, but one big arena of varying relationships).
I'm not sure what I'm going to write, or in what order, but perhaps writing will do one of the following:
a) help organize my own thoughts
b) ask others to sound out in contrasting thought or in in agreement.
c) let me see what I thought in 2008/beginning 2009 when it is 2020 (and I am 44 - ugh)
These 'buzz' words keep dancing in my head: change, acceptance, compromise, desires/wants, needs, truth, convenience, fear, availability, closure, responsibility, honesty,why. There may be more, so I'll alter as needed.
Some folks believe that such discussions and feelings about such things should be kept close to the vest. Well, for me personally, I might as well be a flasher when it comes to this, so if it gets too much, cover your eyes and close the window.
As I begin this entry, I see that it is going to be an extensive project, so as I have other things to do today ( and the rest of my life) I'll try to get the outline done. Feel free to interject to this, even in it's creation stage. And it's rough, I assure you.....
I) Acceptance
A) The need to be accepted or loved - universal or individual?
B) Personal - self
1) innate traits
2) self expectation
3) social expectation
4) experience molded thought
5) external rules and guidelines
a) family
b) culture
c) religion
6) Conditional vs unconditional
C) Social - others
1) personal expectation of others
2) social schemas - I'm not sure what to do here yet - organized factions - religious, popular, geek/nerd, goth/dark/people in black, pretentious, or types within recluse/sterile, socialite, workaholic, social climber
3) Conditional vs unconditional
II) Change
A) Inevitable vs controlled
B) Progressive or retrograde motion
C) Self expection vs social expectation of causation
D) Needed or wanted vs forced
1)Control/forced vs compromise
E) Coping with
1) confrontation
2) escape-avoidance-denial
3) transference - displacement - projection
4) Overintellectualization - Hmmmmmmm.( dealing with problems as interesting events that can be explained rationally and that have no anxiety or emotional content attached to them)
III) Relationships
A) Personal
1) Family
2) Friendship
3) Significant other
B) Social
1) Acquaintance
2) Co worker
3) Societal roles
Ok. Done for now - needs more thought. This is my analytical side as you can see. I can feel an emotional response brewing which may come later.
My head hurts so much from thinking about this topic lately, that I almost (mind I say almost) can't wait for school to begin again to distract me from it. ( Although what is school, but one big arena of varying relationships).
I'm not sure what I'm going to write, or in what order, but perhaps writing will do one of the following:
a) help organize my own thoughts
b) ask others to sound out in contrasting thought or in in agreement.
c) let me see what I thought in 2008/beginning 2009 when it is 2020 (and I am 44 - ugh)
These 'buzz' words keep dancing in my head: change, acceptance, compromise, desires/wants, needs, truth, convenience, fear, availability, closure, responsibility, honesty,why. There may be more, so I'll alter as needed.
Some folks believe that such discussions and feelings about such things should be kept close to the vest. Well, for me personally, I might as well be a flasher when it comes to this, so if it gets too much, cover your eyes and close the window.
As I begin this entry, I see that it is going to be an extensive project, so as I have other things to do today ( and the rest of my life) I'll try to get the outline done. Feel free to interject to this, even in it's creation stage. And it's rough, I assure you.....
I) Acceptance
A) The need to be accepted or loved - universal or individual?
B) Personal - self
1) innate traits
2) self expectation
3) social expectation
4) experience molded thought
5) external rules and guidelines
a) family
b) culture
c) religion
6) Conditional vs unconditional
C) Social - others
1) personal expectation of others
2) social schemas - I'm not sure what to do here yet - organized factions - religious, popular, geek/nerd, goth/dark/people in black, pretentious, or types within recluse/sterile, socialite, workaholic, social climber
3) Conditional vs unconditional
II) Change
A) Inevitable vs controlled
B) Progressive or retrograde motion
C) Self expection vs social expectation of causation
D) Needed or wanted vs forced
1)Control/forced vs compromise
E) Coping with
1) confrontation
2) escape-avoidance-denial
3) transference - displacement - projection
4) Overintellectualization - Hmmmmmmm.( dealing with problems as interesting events that can be explained rationally and that have no anxiety or emotional content attached to them)
III) Relationships
A) Personal
1) Family
2) Friendship
3) Significant other
B) Social
1) Acquaintance
2) Co worker
3) Societal roles
Ok. Done for now - needs more thought. This is my analytical side as you can see. I can feel an emotional response brewing which may come later.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
The worlds of endless thought
Ok, Maybe not the most appropriate title for this entry but the best I could do at the moment.
I feel like I have so much to express, but am not happy with the incompleteness of the ideas or maybe just their potential fallibility. Dunno.
Part of this I feel goes back to my partial remembrance of a discussion had concerning relationships and sacrifice. I sometimes think so much in this arena, I fear that someday I may never want to explore a "deep" co-ed relationship because I burnt all my energy analyzing the simple institution. Other times, I simply conceed that maybe I'm too busy to worry with it anyway. And then, there are the times I realize how much I really want one. Insatiable, another personal issue to handle at some point, or find a person accepting of such a trait.... although at times even I find it hard to be.
I want to go back to that discussion with a more rational mind and listen more than talk - regardless of how much I agree or disagree at the time. I really want to hear a/the male perspective on such things as I live with a woman's one.
Although, I myself am not a huge fan of confrontation, I like when people aren't afraid to defend their own thoughts in a polite, but direct fashion. And I appreciate when others are able to translate. Again, why I wish I remembered this conversation better. Damn it :-(
But, after spending some time with my sister, we have discussed a few things, one being the idea of sacrifice in a relationship. I think we agree so much because we come from the same environment. We also explored the meaning of "You can't go home again". To this we concluded ( abbreviated version) that of course you can go home, but home will never look exactly the way it does in your memory. Sometimes, that's not such a bad thing... other times, it's simply a pisser.
Another idea, while watching "Sound of Music" ( boy, was Christopher Plummer a good looking man!!!!)is one I'll take with me. The character Maria says "I'm sorry. I'm far too outspoken. It's one of my worst faults" True that sista !!! I need to make that into a t-shirt :-)
Ok, that's what I have so far.
Too much to figure out in a day, maybe even in a lifetime. I guess this is why we have TV, blogs, and after Christmas sales at Eddie Bauer. Damn you Eddie, but I love the jeans ;-) !!!!!
I feel like I have so much to express, but am not happy with the incompleteness of the ideas or maybe just their potential fallibility. Dunno.
Part of this I feel goes back to my partial remembrance of a discussion had concerning relationships and sacrifice. I sometimes think so much in this arena, I fear that someday I may never want to explore a "deep" co-ed relationship because I burnt all my energy analyzing the simple institution. Other times, I simply conceed that maybe I'm too busy to worry with it anyway. And then, there are the times I realize how much I really want one. Insatiable, another personal issue to handle at some point, or find a person accepting of such a trait.... although at times even I find it hard to be.
I want to go back to that discussion with a more rational mind and listen more than talk - regardless of how much I agree or disagree at the time. I really want to hear a/the male perspective on such things as I live with a woman's one.
Although, I myself am not a huge fan of confrontation, I like when people aren't afraid to defend their own thoughts in a polite, but direct fashion. And I appreciate when others are able to translate. Again, why I wish I remembered this conversation better. Damn it :-(
But, after spending some time with my sister, we have discussed a few things, one being the idea of sacrifice in a relationship. I think we agree so much because we come from the same environment. We also explored the meaning of "You can't go home again". To this we concluded ( abbreviated version) that of course you can go home, but home will never look exactly the way it does in your memory. Sometimes, that's not such a bad thing... other times, it's simply a pisser.
Another idea, while watching "Sound of Music" ( boy, was Christopher Plummer a good looking man!!!!)is one I'll take with me. The character Maria says "I'm sorry. I'm far too outspoken. It's one of my worst faults" True that sista !!! I need to make that into a t-shirt :-)
Ok, that's what I have so far.
Too much to figure out in a day, maybe even in a lifetime. I guess this is why we have TV, blogs, and after Christmas sales at Eddie Bauer. Damn you Eddie, but I love the jeans ;-) !!!!!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
What a week !!!
This past week had been a ride of a lifetime. In fact, I am thinking this year may qualify for the same title.
But, for this week, I closed on a home ( I am very happy about this) I bought my leased car,and talked to more financiers, title companies, car people, banks, etc, etc, etc. than ever in my 32 years prior. It was exhausting for sure, but here's hoping it was all worth it.
So the next 2 weeks hold and expedited moving process while finishing my last work week in Dec. Some of my students and their families have even offered to help, which is so moving itself. Also, I must finish all the Christmas shopping and pack for my little trip back east. Another survival week.
Lessons learned - the Wal-mart near us takes good pictures, but the stress wasn't worth it. Going back to that expensive place in the mall next year. Wal-mart - the photo meatmarket.
When an older child believes in Santa, things can get expensive. On BF, he an I went looking for a flat screen TV ( hey, it looks better in the condo ;-) ) Anyway, everyone was sold out of the one listed for the $$ I wanted to pay. Disappointed, Christian goes, "Mommy, just ask Santa for one. If you really want it, he'll bring it" Uh-oh. So, my online search began. I found one for the price I wanted after some very diligent looking. The plan was for this to be delivered to the apartment office and I would pick it up on a day he was with his dad and take and hide it in the condo. Well, they delivered it one evening when we both were here. Ugh !!!! So I told Christian he smelled and that he needed to go to the bathroom ( there's some psych treatment I'll be paying for later) When he was in the bathroom, I speedily pushed the TV box through the hall and badly covered it with blankets and stuff to conceal it. When little C asked me who was at the door, I said it was a newspaper salesman. ( great, another lie for the magic of Santa). But.. so far so good. The plan, my sister and friends will set up the TV while Christian and I are in MD and then the TV will be on the mantle with a bow on it from Santa when we return. I just couldn't break the news this year. Not with everything going on in our lives. Besides, isn't that his peers job? :-)
I'm actually happy he still believes in Santa. It really does keep a part of the childish wonder of Christmas alive.
Now, I'l just try to get through this week................ and keep the TV hidden. ;-)
But, for this week, I closed on a home ( I am very happy about this) I bought my leased car,and talked to more financiers, title companies, car people, banks, etc, etc, etc. than ever in my 32 years prior. It was exhausting for sure, but here's hoping it was all worth it.
So the next 2 weeks hold and expedited moving process while finishing my last work week in Dec. Some of my students and their families have even offered to help, which is so moving itself. Also, I must finish all the Christmas shopping and pack for my little trip back east. Another survival week.
Lessons learned - the Wal-mart near us takes good pictures, but the stress wasn't worth it. Going back to that expensive place in the mall next year. Wal-mart - the photo meatmarket.
When an older child believes in Santa, things can get expensive. On BF, he an I went looking for a flat screen TV ( hey, it looks better in the condo ;-) ) Anyway, everyone was sold out of the one listed for the $$ I wanted to pay. Disappointed, Christian goes, "Mommy, just ask Santa for one. If you really want it, he'll bring it" Uh-oh. So, my online search began. I found one for the price I wanted after some very diligent looking. The plan was for this to be delivered to the apartment office and I would pick it up on a day he was with his dad and take and hide it in the condo. Well, they delivered it one evening when we both were here. Ugh !!!! So I told Christian he smelled and that he needed to go to the bathroom ( there's some psych treatment I'll be paying for later) When he was in the bathroom, I speedily pushed the TV box through the hall and badly covered it with blankets and stuff to conceal it. When little C asked me who was at the door, I said it was a newspaper salesman. ( great, another lie for the magic of Santa). But.. so far so good. The plan, my sister and friends will set up the TV while Christian and I are in MD and then the TV will be on the mantle with a bow on it from Santa when we return. I just couldn't break the news this year. Not with everything going on in our lives. Besides, isn't that his peers job? :-)
I'm actually happy he still believes in Santa. It really does keep a part of the childish wonder of Christmas alive.
Now, I'l just try to get through this week................ and keep the TV hidden. ;-)
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Tis the season to be ill
Sing this to jingle bells - beginning w/ the strain dashing through the snow
Dashing for the john
In a real swift running way,
For the puke will dawn
Has come 3 times today
Losing fliud fast
Don't want to eat at all
I'm just really hoping now
I don't puke in the hall
Oh
It's the flu, it'd the flu
It's really full of strife
I hope I feel much better soon
For this is ruining my life.
Blaugh!!!
Gotta go.... really.
Dashing for the john
In a real swift running way,
For the puke will dawn
Has come 3 times today
Losing fliud fast
Don't want to eat at all
I'm just really hoping now
I don't puke in the hall
Oh
It's the flu, it'd the flu
It's really full of strife
I hope I feel much better soon
For this is ruining my life.
Blaugh!!!
Gotta go.... really.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Abbreviated Update
Haven't been here in a while,so here's what happening in this neck of the woods:
School - Crazy fall bad season. A total of 5 performances ( with four different programs) in 4 months ( this is for high schoolers mind you). And the grand debate of "march or not to march". I'm not sure who I was trying to kill, the kids or me.
Musical - Yup, did that too, but my role in that was much less this year than in past years. Easier show, lighter rehearsal schedule. We performed "The Music Man" . During the run, there was conflict with the kids, conflict with the new theater director, conflict with the accompanists - good thing was not much if any of this drama involved me personally - I just was the vent lady. I guess that's why they call in "drama"
Playing - Still doing the chamber orchestra 2 concerts this fall ( love that group) and the Pueblo symphony.... although for the fall season I was able to make 1 of the 4 concerts due to school and other conflicts. Hmmm. I'm hoping I still have that gig in the spring.
Divorce - Fine'. All went well.... relatively. The first time round we agreed to do it ourselves ( the legal part). Didn't go so good. So, he hired a mediator for the 2 of us which was actually a lawyer for him. It's a bad sign when the judge says, "Are you _sure_ you want to proceed without your own legal counsel?" So, I'm certainly not going to write a book entitiled, "Take him for all he's worth" but I also won't be writing one called "+15000 in settlement, -20000 in legal fees" The short of it, I got screwed a little. But, he's dating now - a woman with 2 kids of her own. They met via eHarmony. I'm just hoping he put there what he told me- "Question - Expectations for a spousal relationship. Answer - A hot meal on the table and sex 2x a week." Maybe she likes that description. Anyway, in the depths of my mind, I hope they marry and then she divorces him and takes him for all he's worth. Then, I'd just live vicariously. Yeah, I'm a little bitter, but this too shall pass.
Home ownership - Well, it's looks as if I might be a homeowner soon. It's been a tap dance for MANY reasons, but it may finally be drawing to a close. I'll know in a week. 3 bedroom condo w/garage - all appliances ( save microwave) closing costs and lease buyout. I'm not getting a steal, but I think if i'm going to jump in, now's the time. Besides with kiddo being settled and all that who-ha with his dad, I figure I'm going to be here for a while anyway.
Christmas - Again, after some MAJOR tap dancing ( my feet are really tired) I was able to get back to MD w/little C for under $500. This means, I get to be in MD for a few days, which is good as I really need a little time away from the insanity here. It's only 5 days, but I think that's the perfect amount... not too short, but not too long either.
Little C - He's kicking butt in third grade. He's a little know it all that does his homework at mock10 and then makes careless errors. He's got a best friend now and they are very good together. We have discovered what forgery is and learned that it is bad. It's been a good school year for his thus far and that is a VERY good thing :-)
There you have it. With all these things going on there hasn't been much time or energy for ruminating on the greater things in life. It's mere survival mode for now, and that's ok, just tiring.
If not before, I'll check in around February :-)
Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!!
School - Crazy fall bad season. A total of 5 performances ( with four different programs) in 4 months ( this is for high schoolers mind you). And the grand debate of "march or not to march". I'm not sure who I was trying to kill, the kids or me.
Musical - Yup, did that too, but my role in that was much less this year than in past years. Easier show, lighter rehearsal schedule. We performed "The Music Man" . During the run, there was conflict with the kids, conflict with the new theater director, conflict with the accompanists - good thing was not much if any of this drama involved me personally - I just was the vent lady. I guess that's why they call in "drama"
Playing - Still doing the chamber orchestra 2 concerts this fall ( love that group) and the Pueblo symphony.... although for the fall season I was able to make 1 of the 4 concerts due to school and other conflicts. Hmmm. I'm hoping I still have that gig in the spring.
Divorce - Fine'. All went well.... relatively. The first time round we agreed to do it ourselves ( the legal part). Didn't go so good. So, he hired a mediator for the 2 of us which was actually a lawyer for him. It's a bad sign when the judge says, "Are you _sure_ you want to proceed without your own legal counsel?" So, I'm certainly not going to write a book entitiled, "Take him for all he's worth" but I also won't be writing one called "+15000 in settlement, -20000 in legal fees" The short of it, I got screwed a little. But, he's dating now - a woman with 2 kids of her own. They met via eHarmony. I'm just hoping he put there what he told me- "Question - Expectations for a spousal relationship. Answer - A hot meal on the table and sex 2x a week." Maybe she likes that description. Anyway, in the depths of my mind, I hope they marry and then she divorces him and takes him for all he's worth. Then, I'd just live vicariously. Yeah, I'm a little bitter, but this too shall pass.
Home ownership - Well, it's looks as if I might be a homeowner soon. It's been a tap dance for MANY reasons, but it may finally be drawing to a close. I'll know in a week. 3 bedroom condo w/garage - all appliances ( save microwave) closing costs and lease buyout. I'm not getting a steal, but I think if i'm going to jump in, now's the time. Besides with kiddo being settled and all that who-ha with his dad, I figure I'm going to be here for a while anyway.
Christmas - Again, after some MAJOR tap dancing ( my feet are really tired) I was able to get back to MD w/little C for under $500. This means, I get to be in MD for a few days, which is good as I really need a little time away from the insanity here. It's only 5 days, but I think that's the perfect amount... not too short, but not too long either.
Little C - He's kicking butt in third grade. He's a little know it all that does his homework at mock10 and then makes careless errors. He's got a best friend now and they are very good together. We have discovered what forgery is and learned that it is bad. It's been a good school year for his thus far and that is a VERY good thing :-)
There you have it. With all these things going on there hasn't been much time or energy for ruminating on the greater things in life. It's mere survival mode for now, and that's ok, just tiring.
If not before, I'll check in around February :-)
Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sour notes
So tonight I say, " You've worked your......... fanny's off. It's now time to show it."
Ughh. May assistant clarifies, "Show your work, not your fannies"
Not any better.
It was a long night..........
Ughh. May assistant clarifies, "Show your work, not your fannies"
Not any better.
It was a long night..........
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Robbed
Well, I knew it happened. I just didn't think it'd happen here to me.
Yesterday we found out that my bike, my five year old kinda expensive bicycle had been stolen. Now, a night and police report later, we'll see what happens next.
What will cost more? replacing the bike OR filing the insurance claim and watching the renter insurance go up?? Hmmm.
Damn this war.
Yesterday we found out that my bike, my five year old kinda expensive bicycle had been stolen. Now, a night and police report later, we'll see what happens next.
What will cost more? replacing the bike OR filing the insurance claim and watching the renter insurance go up?? Hmmm.
Damn this war.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Misconstrued
Hey fellow bloggers,
Ever wonder who reads your words on these things? Do you ever wonder that someone reading them may totally misconstrue what you have said or make incorrect assumptions? I am guessing these are the times you choose words carefully, content vs context.
Just wondering.
Ever wonder who reads your words on these things? Do you ever wonder that someone reading them may totally misconstrue what you have said or make incorrect assumptions? I am guessing these are the times you choose words carefully, content vs context.
Just wondering.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Modified quote
"It's not what we do that defines us. It is how we get up after we have fallen that truly shows who we are" - from movie "Maid in Manhattan"
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Behavior Modification
What do you think? It is said that if you want someone to act differently to or with you, you have to enact change on your end first. Well, have you ever felt that you try to act differently yet around someone you know, yet their persistent behavior facilitates you returning to the prior behavior?
My thought here - the beauty in moving away from somewhere you are known is that you have a clean slate. Have you ever felt that after you have been classified or pigeon-holed that you can't change the way people act around you?
Not a current problem, just a thought. A convoluted, ambiguous thought :-)
My thought here - the beauty in moving away from somewhere you are known is that you have a clean slate. Have you ever felt that after you have been classified or pigeon-holed that you can't change the way people act around you?
Not a current problem, just a thought. A convoluted, ambiguous thought :-)
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