Ok, this week has been a rollercoaster!
Professionally it is. We have an ensemble performing for a state festival on Monday and rehearsals the past 2 weeks have been erratic at best. Between All-State band, senior event absences, testing, illness, and everything else I am forgetting, we haven't had the band together but maybe 4 times. Boy, is this proving challenging to faciltiate a cohesive performance. It's like people talking but not listening to each other. Readind a script with no acting. But... it does give credence to the dissenting argument to the idea that "knowing your part is good enough". The conversation is key. Monday will prove to be an adventure.
My former FIL was in the ICU with a masssive PE in his lung on Tuesday. I got a call and text from my son, with more urgency than normal. Once I got connected with him the message was " this is what has happened and I'm currently on 25. Wanted you to know" My response was, "I'll beat you there". All is well for now, but there was so much to learn and remember. #1 - no one wants to be alone in a hospital. So when they say " you don't need to come" never listen. #2 - family is paramount #3 - trust your gut and ask questions #4 - It's an amazing thing to see you child evolve into an adult. And even better when you really like and respect that adult. #5 - exercise and drink water
Played a non-traditional gig with a house band at a...uh.... "dinner theater". Oh my goodness. It was so so fun. I loved it. It was like a pro gig meets HS jazz and pep band. The house band was great and played classic rock charts. You could rock out in your chair. Some of the audience was dancing. It was just cathartic and I really did love it!
Going to San Fransisco was so good... but bad too. I now have a bug to travel and need to decide where, why, when and with who. I should just simplify this and make it easy but..... it's never that easy. And now, I return to want and need, hope and expectation. I don't want to spend the time to write down my thoughts now, but, again a summary is - Paris and Strausborg(sp)? Salzberg and Vienna? Back to CA for Monterey and Big Sur? Back to Ouray?? And what is more important - the where and the who, or the location and the expectation???? UGH!!!!!!!
Lastly, the whole dating thing is back on the table, but that too brings complication. Adventure and experimentation or distraction and substitution? In the end, does it matter? I'm really asking.... DOES it matter?
Das ist sehr kompliziert!!!
Saturday, April 19, 2025
Monday, April 14, 2025
hope vs expectation - work in progress
So, ir's 10:30+ and my 2x a week 6:45am class is tomorrow, which means I should be trying to sleep. But, wanted to write down this thought from the weekend before I called it:
Hope vs expectation - the differences between the 2.
I have been.... vexed? by a comment someone made early in the year about not having to deal with disappointment as they had no expectations - specifically of people. At this point, I'm pretty sure I have twisted this up in some way, but this is what I remember. I didn't like this as it felt fatalist or, at bare minimum, a little depressing. So, I have been arguing it... with myself.
This topic came up with my friend and I and they said something for me to ponder - they agreed, in part, with the sentiment. I was shocked but then they explained. When you know someone, or maybe typecast them?, you learn what is their MO, their way, or maybe just about them. In that, you shouldn't expect behaviors or acts that fall outside of that MO, regardless of what you think or want. Hmm. In short, don't expect people to be who they aren't. That sounds like a "duh" at it's simplest state but..... I haven't fully injested the cool-aid yet.
I really do want to think the best of people, more often than not. But I never stopped to think that what "I" think is good, proper, kind, appropriate, etc isn't a generalized knowledge or state. Different strokes for different folks, right? So, it's not fair to expect these things.... sometimes. And what if you witness potential and possibility? Is the desire to see these manifest hope or expectation?
And it may not be wise to percieve or interpret the actions of others, save within the lens of what you know to be consistent and true of that person.
I really need/ want to think on this.
They did go to say that the kind of relationship can alter general expectation. I'll elaborate later ( maybe) but, from student to boss to significant other I really want to parse this out. I don't want to not have expectations - it actually angers me when people have no expectations of me ( another talking point) but, rather having expectations that are based in reality or even in history might prohibit disappointment.
And then there is hope.
So, here is the ball of yarn I hope to untangle a bit over time. Right now, need to sleep to be psuedo functional for class.
It is what it is.
Hope vs expectation - the differences between the 2.
I have been.... vexed? by a comment someone made early in the year about not having to deal with disappointment as they had no expectations - specifically of people. At this point, I'm pretty sure I have twisted this up in some way, but this is what I remember. I didn't like this as it felt fatalist or, at bare minimum, a little depressing. So, I have been arguing it... with myself.
This topic came up with my friend and I and they said something for me to ponder - they agreed, in part, with the sentiment. I was shocked but then they explained. When you know someone, or maybe typecast them?, you learn what is their MO, their way, or maybe just about them. In that, you shouldn't expect behaviors or acts that fall outside of that MO, regardless of what you think or want. Hmm. In short, don't expect people to be who they aren't. That sounds like a "duh" at it's simplest state but..... I haven't fully injested the cool-aid yet.
I really do want to think the best of people, more often than not. But I never stopped to think that what "I" think is good, proper, kind, appropriate, etc isn't a generalized knowledge or state. Different strokes for different folks, right? So, it's not fair to expect these things.... sometimes. And what if you witness potential and possibility? Is the desire to see these manifest hope or expectation?
And it may not be wise to percieve or interpret the actions of others, save within the lens of what you know to be consistent and true of that person.
I really need/ want to think on this.
They did go to say that the kind of relationship can alter general expectation. I'll elaborate later ( maybe) but, from student to boss to significant other I really want to parse this out. I don't want to not have expectations - it actually angers me when people have no expectations of me ( another talking point) but, rather having expectations that are based in reality or even in history might prohibit disappointment.
And then there is hope.
So, here is the ball of yarn I hope to untangle a bit over time. Right now, need to sleep to be psuedo functional for class.
It is what it is.
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